<< Unbearable pain >>
I’m scared of every tiny thing when I’m nervous and depressed. I’m fearless and reckless when I’m agitated. The cycle just goes on and on, sometimes even more than one cycle a day. It’s a total torture. I feel so painful, a lot deeper and more complicated than the scratches on my arms.
I’m at rage today. I’m losing patience with myself mostly. I’ve a strong urge to destroy my body. The inner and outer voices are driving me nuts, especially the former. I’m just a human being, dear angel and demon please let me go. Leave my mind and let there be peace again.
Sometimes, not as strong though, I’m angry with the others because I feel like they are hostile towards me. I don’t know what makes me think so, probably due to the bipolar symptoms, but I just wanna protect myself. I’m desperate with the society for we are never treated as an equal human. I simply wanna push everyone away because I don’t need their sympathy and teach me how to live. The horrible me would attack or argue with the others.
I wanna destroy myself so that my mind will be at peace and my heart won’t ache anymore. It hurts, so much indeed, and the pain is killing me. Perhaps, I’m just a wrong existence.
Just leave me alone.
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