很多對離婚人士好奇的都很想知道,離婚後,原本和爸爸媽媽一起住的孩子,會習慣「離婚後的生活」嗎?
過來人,對這個問題,有一個很特別的答案。
#孩子到底有沒有辦法習慣?
荷蘭的學者認為,這句話得先問大人:「那你自己咧?你習慣了嗎?」
很多離婚者一聽到這問題,都會太快的揮揮手回答,當然啦,我早就習慣了!離婚後,清閒又自由,不必吵架了,不必管另一個人了,但,你真的習慣嗎?真的習慣了一個人的不見?真的習慣了孩子從此之後只看到你一個人?真的習慣了和另一個人遠端分享(瓜分)孩子的愛?真的習慣了你已離婚的事實?
這篇由荷蘭學者的研究論文才剛剛於今年六月登上《Journal of Family Psychology》學術期刊,學者研究136位和平離婚的夫妻,以及165位高衝突離婚夫妻,結果發現,只要能夠「習慣並接受離婚」(Acceptance of their divorce)的,往往可以輕鬆的原諒對方、放過自己,後續的親子關係也迅速恢復健康又正常。而,所謂「習慣於離婚」的意思是,可以不再去批評自己的過去的婚姻與現在的離婚,不再後悔,抗爭,或改變它,而用一種開放、療癒、不設立場的閒雲野鶴的態度在看待自己離婚的事實。
學者說,很多大人,以為自己已習慣自己的離婚,其實根本就沒有習慣,然後活在一種「自戀型的包袱」(narcissistic entitlement)中,認為其他的異性都比前伴侶還要好,自己怎麼好倒楣───想到與對方的過去,就恨牙癢癢的認為對方耽誤了我多少青春!再想到對方的現在與未來,更是氣呼呼的不想看到對方過得比我好,以上這些都讓離婚者無法順利的切割掉舊婚姻。
不過,好消息是,只要大人先習慣了自己的離婚,那,孩子一定很快就會習慣了!完全沒問題!
為什麼這樣說呢?
真的嗎?
我自己也曾非常擔心,我家孩子會習慣離婚後的新生活嗎?離婚畢竟是多麼驚天動地的巨大改變!但,我發現,我這個大人,能夠好好的發揮我「應該做的事」(當一個更棒的爸爸),孩子本來就是很容易得到滿足的:去玩一個新地方,就可以讓他忘記很多事;去交幾個新朋友,也可以度過很多時間,而夜深人靜的時候,一步不離的陪伴,孩子也可以順利的快快睡著,問題是,大人自己,有沒有真正習慣了「離婚後的日子」?
離婚怎麼看都是「少了一個人」,所以離婚者都有一個錯覺,想去「補」那個「消失的東西」。可是,消失的東西,怎樣都補不起來,過了晚上10點,原本應該在家裡的另一個親人(前伴侶)並沒有回到家、沒有出現孩子眼前,這些都是事實,是怎麼補都補不回來的。
不過,大人其實是非常強大的,儘管少了一個人,卻多了無限的自由,這麼大的自由度,身為成年人的你,可以做任何事情,隨便走個一大步,就給了孩子滿滿的、滿滿的幸福。離婚之後我就這樣滿滿的忙忙的「創造」了很多很多,自由自在為孩子做,也不會太難,只要我一直創造,孩子的生命就會一直在動;孩子也可以很快做出比較:「現在的日子,比以前沒離婚前,還要快樂!」
孩子,也真的很快的很快的就習慣了,快到我們好像從來沒有離婚過一樣。
#想問更多離婚問題的請至下方留言區找到連結
同時也有59部Youtube影片,追蹤數超過93萬的網紅Bubzvlogz,也在其Youtube影片中提到,Even though my heart breaks for 'Past me', 'Present me' is thankful for 'Past me.' Music by MJ Lee: https://mjleedot.com/ Music by Singto Conley -...
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journal of family 在 Facebook 的最讚貼文
It’s 4AM and before I start my weekend with another flurry of work and events, I wanted to post this up over my business page - the page that is open to friends , family as well as strangers alike - to read about not just my business or work related self … but snippets of my private life which I usually keep in a close journal as therapy for me when I need to pen down my musings.
This early morning post is about this decade old drum set.
This electronic drums was something I sought permission to buy from Azmi. I took drum lessons before marrying him, but never had the space to own a set.
But when we moved in together at our home we decided to buy 11 years ago, I coaxed him to agree to it and whilst he hesitated at first - he gave in and took charge looking for one that I could beat the sh*t out of, without causing lawsuits from neighbours (hence the decision to go electronic)
I could use it while I spun music from my DJ decks and it was snug enough to fit into the room which was meant for storage - not knowing God would bless us with more children and a pandemic that would lead us to pivot into creating a livestream studio to sustain our business.
He had told me to sell it off second hand - and I kept coming up with excuses that perhaps the boys would use it someday … or that it was too old and outdated “no one would buy it so best we just keep it”
Truth is?
Letting it go was like letting go of a dream in completing my music lessons which I had put a cork in the bottle upon finding out I was pregnant with Iman.
As time passed on, blessed with more children and different situations that made us have to change business strategies along the way, my music hobby was getting pushed lower down the priority list as more and more items on my “to do list” grew and climbed on top.
My children says I’m not fun anymore “you’re always working mama” and last night, as I went to put Ilon to sleep promising to sit with the older kids for our weekly Friday Family movie nights (a ritual we have started to keep the children’s sanity in check during this gloomy pandemic) , I am devastated as I ended up falling asleep halfway while working and breastfeeding Ilon.
They say you must find balance in life. Work, love and play.
I don’t know how to do that anymore.
How many of you feel that this pandemic has just made you become a work zombie?
Anyone up at this hour?
Shall take a cold shower now. I’ve got a show to run in 6 hours and I’ve not done a flow yet.
Hope everyone is doing ok.
journal of family 在 Goodbye HK, Hello UK Facebook 的最讚貼文
識佢就保全家,識對面海最大嗰個呢?
Prince William嘅副官Rob Dixon今日向傳媒確認,William聽聞當年Sandhurst軍校嘅阿富汗同學被困首都機場之外無辦法離開,就即時叫副官直接打比當地英軍協調,咁就求咗個舊同學一家大細,順利到達英國。
麻煩睇返對面海最大嗰個,當年坐Blackhawk參觀阿富汗空軍基地遇上大風雪,响山上緊急降落,被武裝份子圍困。有份參與營救嘅一個阿富汗翻譯,之前叫記者傳達求救"Don't forget me here"。
點呢?「多謝你當年嘅幫助,盡量啦」,然後呢?仲問?
Patreon原文:
保命都要睇識邊個
https://bit.ly/3teS7Kb
#人性與品格嘅差異
#或者係腦供能嘅分別
報導:
《Wall Street Journal》Afghan Interpreter Who Helped Rescue Biden in 2008 Left Behind After U.S. Exit
https://www.wsj.com/articles/afghan-interpreter-who-helped-rescue-biden-in-2008-left-behind-after-u-s-exit-11630429285
《The Telegraph》Duke of Cambridge intervened to get Afghan family out of Kabul
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/royal-family/2021/09/02/duke-cambridge-intervened-get-afghan-family-kabul/
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🥣乞兒兜(月頭課金係最抵):
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英女皇後事("Operation London Bridge")詳細曝光
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英國電視監管機構Ofcom,再一次守住言論自由
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journal of family 在 Bubzvlogz Youtube 的最讚貼文
Even though my heart breaks for 'Past me', 'Present me' is thankful for 'Past me.'
Music by MJ Lee: https://mjleedot.com/
Music by Singto Conley - Honeydew (feat. Hikaru Station) - https://thmatc.co/?l=3DAE9135
Hi, I'm Lindy! Welcome to the Bubz family. I am a beauty, lifestyle and mom vlogger. I make daily vlogs I call daily doses of happiness! Join me as I navigate this journey we call life and keep up with my little adventures. Be sure to SUBSCRIBE so I can continue to put a smile on your face. Do make new friends with fellow Bubscribers. I promise you they are the sweetest bunch ever! If you enjoyed today’s vlog, don’t forget to give it a LIKE.
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journal of family 在 [email protected] Youtube 的最佳貼文
認知障礙症 -黃德祥老人科專科醫生@FindDoc.com
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(一) 早期診斷認知障礙症的重要性和方法?00:07
(二) 慢性病會導致認知障礙症?00:55
(三) 認知障礙症照顧者應該注意什麼?01:35
(四) 透過改善生活習慣與適時使用藥物控制病情?02:32
(本短片作健康教育之用,並不可取代任何醫療診斷或治療。治療成效因人而異,如有疑問,請向專業醫療人士諮詢。)
參考資料:
1. Galvin, J.., Sadowsky, C.(2012). Practical Guidelines for the Recognition and Diagnosis of Dementia. The Journal of the American Board of Family Medicine May 2012, 25 (3) 367-382; DOI: https://doi.org/10.3122/jabfm.2012.03.100181 Retrieved from https://www.jabfm.org/content/25/3/367#sec-3
2. Anstey, K.J., Lipnicki, D.M., Low, L.F. (2008) Cholesterol as a Risk Factor for Dementia and Cognitive Decline: A Systematic Review of Prospective Studies With Meta-Analysis. Am J Geriatr Psychiatry May 2008, 16:5. Retrieved from https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Kaarin_Anstey/publication/5403325_Cholesterol_as_a_Risk_Factor_for_Dementia_and_Cognitive_Decline_A_Systematic_Review_of_Prospective_Studies_With_Meta-Analysis/links/576b54ac08ae5b9a62b3aa81/Cholesterol-as-a-Risk-Factor-for-Dementia-and-Cognitive-Decline-A-Systematic-Review-of-Prospective-Studies-With-Meta-Analysis.pdf
3. Sun, M.-K., Alkon, D.L. (2006). Links between Alzheimer's disease and diabetes. Drugs Today 2006, 42(7): 481. Retrieved from https://journals.prous.com/journals/servlet/xmlxsl/pk_journals.xml_summary_pr?p_JournalId=4&p_RefId=973588&p_IsPs=N
4. Starkstein,S.E., Almeida, O.P. (2003). Understanding cognitive impairment and dementia: stroke study. Curr Opin Psychiatry, 16, 615-620. Retrieved from https://journals.lww.com/co-psychiatry/Abstract/2003/11000/Understanding_cognitive_impairment_and_dementia_.3.aspx
5. 葵涌醫院 (2016)。照顧患有認知障礙症長者 家傭照顧手冊。香港:醫院管理局。Retrieved from https://www.swd.gov.hk/dementiacampaign/sc/doc/Caring-for-Elderly-with-Dementia-Guide-to-Foreign-Domestic-Helper_TC.pdf
6. Lam, L.C.W., Chan, W.M., Kwok, T.C.Y., Chiu, H.F.K. (2014) Effectiveness of Tai Chi in maintenance of cognitive and functional abilities in mild cognitive impairment: a randomised controlled trial. Hong Kong Med J 2014;20(Suppl 3):S20-3. Retrieved from https://www.hkmj.org/system/files/hkm1403sp3p20_0.pdf
7. Müllers, P., Taubert, M., & Müller, N. G. (2019). Physical Exercise as Personalized Medicine for Dementia Prevention?. Frontiers in physiology, 10, 672. https://doi.org/10.3389/fphys.2019.00672 . Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6563896/
8. Lam, L. C., Chan, W. C., Leung, T., Fung, A. W., & Leung, E. M. (2015). Would older adults with mild cognitive impairment adhere to and benefit from a structured lifestyle activity intervention to enhance cognition?: a cluster randomized controlled trial. PloS one, 10(3), e0118173. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0118173 。 Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4380493/
資料來源:https://www.FindDoc.com
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journal of family 在 LADIES FIRST Youtube 的精選貼文
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