關於 look student book ，我們在網路上蒐集到這些相關的討論、資訊與評價

.
活在當下也能擁有未來的目標

Translation: @benkongenglish
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那位同學質疑
「難道我們就只要活在當下
而無需計畫未來或追尋目標嗎？」
.
我的答案是肯定的！
不過當然可以計畫下週的旅行 明年的甄選
但計劃依舊都是「活在當下」的其中一部分
我們在這個當下進行規劃
也只能夠規劃著屬於這個當下的未來
假設一切如我們所想 計畫中的未來就可能發生
如果外界或自己的心緒變動了
那個未來 那個計畫就不一樣了
以下容我舉兩個例子
.
在台北市遙望高聳的101以為目標
其指引我們當下每一個腳步行進的方向
碰壁了 就左轉或右轉 很難筆直地到達101
最後我們可能會到達101
也可能在途中被一間溫馨的咖啡店吸引
而決定留連其中 品一杯咖啡 讀一本書
之後當我們回憶起那段旅程
在每個當下真實發生的 才是旅行的本質
至於行前規劃 只是出發前的一個活動與樂趣
他們各自在各自的當下飛舞
.
再說一個例子
我常常健身重訓
以前的我傻傻地亂練 很輕鬆很有趣
後來竟然真的練出一點名堂
雀躍之下 替自己設下一個高遠的目標
於是我積極地練 同時間運動變成負擔和壓力
甚至肌肉受傷 被迫休養停練
.
現在的我期許自己有效率地完成每一組動作
有時間運動很好
若運動時間被其他事情佔據 我就享受那件事情
回頭看自己的經歷 其中有這麼多的享受
也累積成果 成了此刻的自己
別讓未來吞噬當下
當下喜悅的心情是我們最好的導師
.
The student was sceptical “Shouldn’t we plan for the future and go after our goals other than living in the moment?”
.
My answer is affirmative.
No doubt you can make plans for the trip next week or the selection next year, but these are all just part of “live in the moment”.
We can only plan for the future of this moment when we make plans at this moment.
The planned future may come true if everything goes accordingly.
It may not if our heart or other external factors change.
I would like to illustrate it with two examples:
.
Looking at 101 in Taipei and setting it as the target, it guided every step of us towards its direction.
Turn left or right when there’s a dead end.
It’s impossible to reach 101 simply by walking straight
We may be able to reach 101, and also, we may be attracted to a cozy cafe and decide to stay for a coffee and read a book.
When we look back at the trip, the essence of travelling lies in the things happened.
The planning of the trip is only an activity and fun.
.
Another example is from me.
I work out a lot.
I used to simply working out. It’s easy and enjoyable.
Fame came.
Ecstatic, I set a higher goal for myself.
I train even harder. Time and sports become a burden and source of stress.
My muscles were strained, forcing me to stop training for a few months.
.
Now I expect myself to finish every set efficiently.
It’s good to have time to work out.
If the time for sports is occupied by other stuff, I will enjoy doing that stuff.
Looking back at my experience, I found so many enjoyments.
It became the fruits of my experience, which made me who I am today.
Do not let future overshadow this moment.
The contentment of the moment is our best mentor.

【だからキミは負けるんだ】


今日は、仕事のノウハウみたいなではなくて、僕が今、一番熱を入れている映画『えんとつ町のプペル』のお話をしたいと思います。

僕は、もともと漫才師としてスタートして、漫才を書いていて、自分を育ててくれた師匠と呼べる人が「後藤ひろひと」という劇作家ですから、舞台の脚本も書いていて……
そこから絵本作家に転職して、絵を描いて、ストーリーを描いて、で、絵本の曲も作るんですね。
あの「♪ハロハロハロハロウィン」って曲を作った人です。

https://youtu.be/Rihe2JOyLQA

劇場の楽屋に小道具のギターがあるもんですから、空き時間に触っているうちに、ギターが弾けるようになりました。

ちなみに、次々回作の絵本『夢幻鉄道』のテーマソングもいいのが作れたので、YouTubeで検索してみてください。

https://youtu.be/PkoCXybjrrw

　
そんな感じで仕事をしているので、映画『えんとつ町のプペル』における僕の役割は、「原作・脚本・製作総指揮・宣伝・作詞作曲」という忙しいことになっています。



このことを受けて、時々、「ゴーストライターがいるんでしょ！」と時々言われるんです（笑）

これに関しては、「西野がこんなに素晴らしいものを作れるハズがない」という意味なので、褒め言葉でしかないのですが、残念ながら、僕、ゴーストライターなんていないんです。

　
分業している場合は、「分業しています」と公表しています。
その方がいいんですよ。
いろんなクリエイターさんに「西野の仕事に参加したい」と思ってもらった方が得なので、絶対に、その人の名前を出す。

出さない場合もありますが、それは出すべきではない場合です。

たとえば、三日前にYouTubeチャンネルにアップした『えんとつ町のプペル』の動画の備考欄には、歌詞の他に、「歌、作詞作曲、編曲、振付」のスタッフの名前しか入っていません。

照明さんや美術さんや衣装さんの名前は入っていないんですね。
あくまで、あそこは音楽に関する情報を載せる場所として位置付けているので。

関わったスタッフの名前を全員書いてしまったら、８０人ぐらいになっちゃう。

ああいった、いわば「CM」の場合は、基本、スタッフの名前は載せません。
テレビCMの最後に「ディレクター＝○○」と出ないのと同じです。



ただ、ストーリーを書いたり、音楽を作ったりする場合、僕には「ゴーストライター」と呼ばれる人はいません。

珍しいパターンだと思いますが、こと「ビジネス書」においても、僕はライターを雇っていません。
自分で書いた方が圧倒的に早くて、自分の仕事が減るからです。

パフォーマンスでも何でもなくて、５万部売れるビジネス書でよければ、５〜６時間で書けます。
すでに自分の中にある体験と考察を文字起こしするだけなので。



「キー！」となるかもしれませんが、「ゴーストライターだろ！」と言っちゃたり、思っちゃったりする人が、コンパしたり、ナンパしたり、家族旅行に行ったり、ワイドショーを観てタレントの不倫にとやかく言ったり、何も考えずにボケーっと受験勉強している間、僕は、一つでも踏み誤ると死んでしまう戦場でずっと戦ってきました。
かれこれ２０年ほど、平均労働時間は１９時間です。

でもって、この２０年というのは、「勝ちパターンを捨て続けた２０年」で、コツを掴んだ職は、どんどん捨てて、新しい領域に挑戦し続けた２０年です。

なもんで、能力と知識量に圧倒的な差が生まれるのは当たり前の話で、僕は「努力は報われる」ということを言っていきたいので、ここは隠したくありません。

反則技を使っているわけでも何でもなくて、「キミの１０００倍努力してるから、キミの１０００倍の結果を出しているんだよ」というだけの話だと思っています。

　
そして、この現実を受け入れず、「いやいや、ドーピング的な…何か特別な力が働いているに違いない」という思ってしまっているうちは、一生始まらないまま人生が終わっちゃうので、それが嫌なら受け入れてください。


「僕、こんな努力をしてますよ」と自分から言う奴、なかなかいないと思うのですが、いい機会なので言っておきます。

　
今日も映画『えんとつ町のプペル』のアフレコがあるわけですが、そこでは、声優さんから質問があったり、「ここは、こんな感じでお願いします」と指示を出さなきゃいけない。

なので、家で「指示を出す練習」をしていくんです。
自分も、実際にやれるようにしておく。


たとえば…


「えんとつ町は煙突だらけ。
そこかしこから煙が上がり、頭の上はモックモク、黒い煙でモックモク。
朝から晩までモックモク。
えんとつ町に住む人は黒い煙に閉じ込められて、青い空を知りやしない。輝く星を知りやしない。

見上げることを捨てた街で、一人の男が上を見た。
町を覆った黒い煙に、男が想いを馳せたのは、酒場で出会ったお喋りモグラが聞かせてくれた夢物語。

煙の向こうの世界の話。光り輝く世界の話。
ありやしないと思ったが、全くないとも言い切れない。
なぜなら誰も行っていない。答えは誰も持っていない。

それから男は日ごと夜ごと、煙の向こうの世界の話を、何度も何度も叫んだが、バカだバカだと囃されて、ホラ吹きものだと切り捨てられた。

男が一体、何をした。
男が誰を傷つけた？　
そこに理由はありゃしない。

見上げることを捨てた町では、『目立たぬように』の大合唱。
見上げることを捨てた町では、夢を語れば笑われて、行動すれば叩かれる。

黒い煙は町を飲み込み、一縷の光も許さない。
黒い煙は人を飲み込み、あらゆる勇気を認めない。
それでも男は声をあげ、震える膝をひた隠し、船に乗り込み海にでた。
暗くて怖い海にでた。
誰もいない海にでた」



これは主人公の少年の父親が、自作の紙芝居を披露するシーンのセリフなのですが、今、僕は何かを見ながら書いたわけではなくて、これぐらいは暗記してるんです。
指示を出す人間として、これぐらいは。

これって、「何回もやっているうちに覚えた」という類のものなので、才能とかセンスじゃないじゃないですか。

これがプロです。


もし良かったら、一度、僕の会社のインターン生にでもなって、僕の近くで、僕の仕事を見てみてください。

たぶん、絶望すると思います（笑）

先ほども申し上げましたが、「努力がモノを言う」というところを伝えていきたいので、今後も、この部分は包み隠さず、積極的に頑張ったアピールをしていきたいと思います。



そうそう。

映画公開は１２月２５日なのですが、１２月２５日の夜に、YouTubeの生配信をして、映画をご覧になられた方に向けて、「あそこのシーン、実は○○なんだよ」という話をしたいので、映画は初日に観に行ってください。

今のうちに、１２月２５日のスケジュールに印を入れておいてね。
それでは、映画『えんとつ町のプペル』のアフレコに行ってきます。


　
▼西野亮廣の最新のエンタメビジネスに関する記事(1記事=2000~3000文字)が毎朝読めるのはオンラインサロン(ほぼメルマガ)はコチラ↓
https://salon.jp/nishino
That's why you lose.


Today, it's not like work know-how, but I would like to talk about the movie ′′ a in the town ′′ that I'm in the middle of the day, and I'm going to have a good time.

I was originally a manzai teacher, writing a manzai, and a master who raised me is a playwright called ′′ goto hiroto...... so I also wrote the script of the stage......
I'm going to change my job to a picture book writer, draw a picture, draw a story, and make a picture book song too.
This is the one who made the song. Hallo Halloween ′′

https://youtu.be/Rihe2JOyLQA

There's a prop guitar in the theater dressing room, so I can play guitar while I'm touching the free time.

By the way, I was able to make a theme song for the picture book ′′ Phantom Railway ′′ which was made one after another, so please search for it on Youtube.

https://youtu.be/PkoCXybjrrw

　
I'm working like that, so my role in the movie ′′ a in the town ′′ is going to be busy called ′′ Original Script Production General command promotion lyrics,"



Sometimes it's said that sometimes," there's a ghost writer!" lol

As for this, it means ′′ Nishino can't make such a wonderful thing," so it's only a compliment, but unfortunately, I don't have a ghost writer.

　
If you are in the middle of labor, you are publishing ′′ division of labor,"
It's better to be.
It's better to have a lot of creators think ′′ I want to participate in nishino's work so I'll definitely name the person.

Sometimes you don't put it out, but it's if you shouldn't put it out.

For example, in the notes section of the video of ′′ a no-′′ that I uploaded to the youtube channel three days ago, besides the lyrics, there is only the name of the staff of ′′ songs, lyrics, arrangement, choreography ′′ I'm sorry.

There is no name of lighting, art, or costumes.
It's just that it's a place to put information on music.

If you write all the names of the staff involved, it will be about 80 people.

Oh well, so in case of ′′ cm I don't put the name of the basic, staff.
At the end of the tv commercial, ′′ it's the same as not going out with director.



It's just that if you write a story or make music, I don't have anyone called ′′ Ghost writer

I think it's a rare pattern, but even in the ′′ business book I don't hire a writer.
It's more overwhelming to write yourself, because my work is reduced.

If you don't have a performance or anything, you can write it in 5 TO 6 hours if you don't mind a business book that sells 5 million
I'm just going to make a character of my experience and thoughts already in my own.



It may be ′′ key!" but," it's a ghost writer, and people who think about it, are compound, flirting, family trip, and watch the shows. I've been fighting for a battlefield where I'm going to die when I'm talking about talent adultery, and I'm studying the exam without thinking about anything.
It's been about 20 years, average working time is 19 hours.

So, this 20 is," 20 years that I've been throwing away the winning pattern," and the job that grabbed the trick is more and more throwing away, and it's been 20 years since I've been trying to challenge the new area I'm sorry.

So, it's obvious that the overwhelming difference in the ability and knowledge is born, and I want to say that ′′ effort is rewarded so I don't want to hide it here.

I'm not using a foul trick, but I'm just saying that I'm trying twice as hard as you, so I'm going to have 1000 times the results of you," I'm sorry.

　
And I don't accept this reality," no no, it's doping... I think something special is working... my life is over without starting for a lifetime. So accept it if you don't like it.


I don't think there's a person who says ′′ I'm doing this kind of effort but I'm going to say it because it's a good opportunity.

　
There is also a recording of the movie ′′ a in the town ′′ today, but there is a question from the voice actor, and I have to give instructions that ′′ I'm going to have a good time here,"

So I'm going to do ′′ practice to instruct ′′ at home.
I will actually be able to do it.


For example...


′′ A town is full of chimney.
Smoke from there, moc mok on my head, black smoke and moc mok.
Moc. from morning to night.
People who live in a town are trapped in black smoke and don't know the blue sky. I don't know the shining stars.

In a city that abandoned looking up, one man looked up.
The Black smoke that covered the town, the man made his thoughts on the dream that the heyyy mole I met at the bar told me.

The story of the world across the smoke. The story of the shining world.
I thought it wouldn't be, but I can't say it at all.
Because no one has gone. No one has the answer.

Then the man shouted over and over again, day and night, the story of the world across the smoke, but he was told that he was stupid, and he was cut off as a hola.

What the hell did a man do?
Who did the man hurt?
There is no reason there.

In the town that abandoned looking up, a big choir of ′′ conspicuous,"
In a town that abandoned looking up, if you speak your dreams, you will be laughed, and if you act, you will be slapped.

Black smoke swallows the town and doesn't allow the light of all times.
Black smoke swallows people and doesn't acknowledge every courage.
And yet the man gave a voice, trembling his knees, and he got into the ship and went to the sea.
It was in a dark and scary sea.
I was in the sea with no one ′′



This is the line of the scene of the protagonist boy's father showing off his own kamishibai, but now I didn't write it while watching something, and I'm memorizing this much.
As a person who gives instructions, this is so much.

This is the kind of thing that ′′ I remembered while I've been doing it many times," so it's not talent or sense.

This is the professional.


If you'd like, once you'd like to be my company intern student, near me, take a look at my work.

I think I'm probably going to despair lol

I said it earlier, but I want to tell you that ′′ effort is saying things," and in the future, I would like to make an appeal that I have been actively working hard.



That's right.

The movie is on December 25th, but on the night of December 25th, I'm going to have a live broadcast on Youtube, and I'm going to have a good time with the movie," the scene over there, actually ○○ I want to talk about ′′ what is it so go see the movie on the first day.

While you're in the middle of the day, mark your schedule for December 25th.
Well, I'm going to go to the recording of the movie ′′ a in town ′′


　
▼ an article about the latest entertainment business of ryo nishino (1 articles = 2000 to 3000 characters) can be read every morning online salon (almost mail magazine) is here ↓
https://salon.jp/nishinoTranslated

My sister, Michelle-Ann Iking's 3% chance of conceiving naturally was a success! Here's her story:

(My apologies as I've been overwhelmed with personal matters. I've only managed to get to my desk. So finally got around posting this).

This is the story behind my sister's pregnancy struggle and how she shared her journey over her Facebook page.

Because some may have not caught her LIVE session chat with me (https://www.facebook.com/daphneiking/videos/687743128744960/) , or read her lengthy post (as it's a private page);
she's allowed me to copy and paste it over my wall, in case you need to know more about her thought process on how AND why she focused on the 3% success probability. Read on.

-------------------------------------------

Posted 10th May 2020.
FB Credit: Michelle-Ann Iking

A week ago today I celebrated becoming a mother to our second, long awaited child.

Please forgive this mother's LONG (self-indulgent) post, journalling what this significant milestone has meant for her personally, for her own fallible memory's sake as well as maybe to share one day with her son.

If all you were wondering was whether I had delivered and if mum and bub are OK, please be assured the whole KkLM family are thriving tremendously, and continue scrolling right along your Newsfeed 😁.

OUR 3% MIRACLE

All babies are miracles... and none more so than our precious Kiaen Aaryan (pronounced KEY-n AR-yen), whose name derives from Sanskrit origins meaning:

Grace of God
Spiritual
Kind
Benevolent

...words espousing the gratitude Kishore and I feel for Kiaen's arrival as our "3% miracle".

He was conceived, naturally, after 3 years of Kishore and I hoping, praying and 'endeavoring'... and only couples for whom the objective switches from pure recreation to (elusive) procreation will understand how this is less fun than it sounds ...

3 years during which time we had consensus from 3 different doctors that we, particularly I (with my advancing age etc etc) had only a 3% chance of natural conception and that our best hope for a sibling for our firstborn, Lara Anoushka, was via IVF.

Lara herself was an 'intervention baby', being one of the 20% of babies successfully conceived through the less intrusive IUI process, after a year and a half of trying naturally and already being told then my age was a debilitating factor.

We had tried another round of IUI for her sibling in 2017 when Lara was a year old. And that time we fell into the ranks of the 80% of would-be parents for whom it would be an exercise in futility... who would go home, comfort each other as best they could, while individually masking their own personal disappointment... hoping for the best, 'the next time around'...

So the improbability ratio of 97% against natural conception of our second baby, as concurred by the combined opinion of 3 medical professionals, was a very real, very daunting figure for us to have to mentally deal with.

Deep, DEEP, down in my heart however, though I had many a day of doubt... I kept a core kernel of faith that somehow, I would again experience the privilege of pregnancy, and again, have a chance at childbirth.

And so, the optimist in me would tell myself, "Well, there have to be people who fall in the 3% bucket... why shouldn't WE be part of the 3%?"

Those who know me well, understand my belief in the Law of Attraction, the philosophy of focusing your mind only on what you want to attract, not on what you don't want, and so even as Kishore and I prepared to go into significant personal debt to attempt IVF in the 2nd half of 2019, I marshalled a last ditch effort to hone in on that 3% chance of natural conception... through research coming across fertility supplements that I ordered from the US and sent to a friend in Singapore to redirect to me because the supplier would not deliver to Malaysia.

I made us as a couple take the supplements in the 3 month 'priming period' in the lead up to the IVF procedure - preconditioning our bodies for optimum results, if you will.

At the same time, I had invested in a sophisticated fertility monitor, with probes and digital sensors for daily tracking of saliva and other unmentionable fluid samples, designed to pinpoint with chemical accuracy my state of fertility on any given day.

(UPDATE: For those interested - I obtained the supplements and Ovacue Fertility Monitor from https://www.fairhavenhealth.com/. Though I had my supplies delivered to a friend in Singapore, and redirected to me here since the US site does not deliver to Malaysia, there are local distributors for these products, you will just have to research the trustworthiness of the vendors yourself...)

I had set an intention - in the 3 months of pre-IVF priming, I would consume what seemed like a pharmacy's worth of supplements, and track fertility religiously... in hopes that somehow, within the 3 month priming period, we would conceive naturally and potentially save ourselves a down payment on a new property... and this was just a projection on financial costs of IVF, not even considering the physical, emotional and mental toll it involves, with no guarantee of a baby at the end of it all...

It was a continuation of an intention embedded even with my first pregnancy, where all the big ticket baby items were consciously purchased for use by a future sibling, in gender neutral colours, in hopes that sibling would be a brother "for a balanced pair", though of course any healthy child would be a welcome blessing.

It was a very conscious determination to always skew my thoughts in service of what the end objective was. For example, when 3+year old Lara would innocently express impatience at not yet having a sibling, at one point suggesting that since we were "taking too long to give her a baby brother/sister", perhaps we should just "go buy a baby from a shop", instead of getting defensive or berating the baby that she herself was, we enlisted Lara's help to pray for her sibling... so in any place of worship, or sacred ground of any kind that we passed thereon, Lara would stop, close her eyes, bow her small head and place her tiny hands together in prayer, reciting earnestly, "Please God, please give me a baby brother or baby sister."

After months and months of watching Lara do this, in the constancy of her childlike chant, Kishore started feeling the pressure of possibly disappointing Lara if her prayer was not answered. Whereas for me, Lara's recitation of her simple wish became like a strengthening mantra, our collective intention imbued with greater power with each repetition, and the goal of a sibling kept very much in the forefront of our minds (hence our calling Lara our 'project manager' in this endeavour).

And somehow in the 2nd month of that 3 month period, a positive + sign appeared on one of the home pregnancy tests I had grown accustomed to taking - my version of the lottery tickets others keep buying in hopes of hitting the jackpot, with all the cyclical anticipation and more often than not, disappointment, that entails...

This time however I was not disappointed.

With God's Grace, (hence 'Kiaen', a variation of 'Kiaan' which means 'Grace of God'), my focus on our joining the ranks of the 3% had materialised.

It seems poetic then, that Kiaen chose to make his appearance on the 3rd May, ironically the same date that his paternal great-grandfather departed this world for the next... such that in the combined words of Kishore and his father Kai Vello Suppiah,

"The 1st generation Suppiah left on 3rd May and the 4th generation Suppiah arrived on 3rd May after 41yrs...
One leaves, another comes, the legacy lives on..."

***

KIAEN AARYAN SUPPIAH'S BIRTH STORY

On Sunday 3rd May, I was 40 weeks and 5 days pregnant.

The baby was, in my mind, very UN-fashionably late past his due date of 29th April, so as much as I had willed and 'manifested' the privilege of pregnancy, to say I was keen to be done with it all was an understatement.

In the weeks leading to up to my full term, I had experienced increasingly intense Braxton-Hicks 'practice contractions' - annoying for me for the discomfort involved, stressful for Kishore who was on tenterhooks with the false alarms, on constant alert for when we would actually need to leave home for the hospital.

Having become a Hypnobirthing student and advocate from my first pregnancy with Lara, and thus being equipped with
(1) a lack of fear about childbirth in general and
(2) a basic understanding of how all the sensations I would experience fit into the big picture of my body bringing our baby closer to us,
I was less stressed - content to wait for the baby to be "fully cooked" and come out whenever he was ready... though I wouldn't have minded at all if the cooking time ended sooner, rather than later.

With Lara, I had been somewhat 'forced' into an induced labour, even though she was not yet due, and that had resulted in a 5 DAY LABOUR, a Birth Story for another post, so I was not inclined to chemically induce labour, even though I was assured that for second time mothers, it would be 'much faster and easier'...

That morning, I had a hunch *maybe* that day was the day, because in contrast to previous weeks' sensations of tightening, pressure and even spasms that were concentrated in the front of my abdomen and occasionally shot through my sides and legs, I felt period - like cramping in my lower back which I had not felt before throughout the pregnancy.

It was about 8am in the morning then, and my 'surges' were still relatively mild ('surges' being Hypnobirthing - speak for 'contractions', designed to frame them with the more positive connotations needed to counteract common language in which childbirth is presented as something that is unequivocally painful and traumatic, instead of the miraculous, powerful and natural phenomenon it actually is).

I recall (masochistically?) entertaining the thought of opting NOT to have an epidural JUST TO SEE WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE...

I figured this would be the last time I would be pregnant and so it would be my 'last chance' to experience 'drug free labour' which, apart from the health benefits for baby and mother, might be *interesting* in a way that people who are curious about what getting a tattoo and skydiving and bungee jumping are like, might find these *interesting*...even knowing there will be pain and risk involved...

Since I have tried tattoos and skydiving (unfortunately not being able to squeeze in bungee-jumping while my life was purely my own to risk at no dependents' possible detriment) a similar curiousity about a no-epidural labour was on my mind...

In the absence of other signs of the onset of labour (like 'bloody show' or my waters breaking), I wanted to wait until the surges were coming every few minutes before we actually left the house for the hospital, not wanting to be one of those couples who rushed in too early and had interminable waits for the next stage in unfamiliar, clinical surroundings and/or were made to go home in an anti-climatic manner.

I was even calm enough through my surges to have the presence of mind to wash and blowdry my hair, knowing if I did deliver soon I would not be allowed this luxury for a while.

Around 9am I asked Kishore to prep for Lara and himself to be dressed and breakfasted so we could head to hospital soon, while I sent messages to family members on both sides informing them 'today might be the day.'

My mother, who had briefly served as a midwife before going back into general nursing and then becoming a nursing tutor, prophetically stated that if what I was experiencing was true labour, "the baby would be out by noon".

The pace in which my surges grew closer together was surprisingly quicker than I expected; and while I asked Lara to "Hurry up with breakfast" with only a tad more urgency than we normally tell her to do, little Missy being prone to dilly-dallying at meals, I probably freaked Kishore out when about 930am onwards, I had to instinctively get on my hands and knees a couple of times, eyes closed, trying to practice the Hypnobirthing breathing techniques I had revised to help along the process of my body birthing our child into the world.

I recall him saying a bit frantically as I knelt at our front door, doubled over as he waited for Lara to complete something or other, "Lara hurry up! Can't you see Mama is in so much pain and you are taking your own sweet time??!!"

SIDETRACK: Just the night before, Lara and I had watched a TV show in which a woman gave birth with the usual histrionics accompanying pop culture depictions of labour.

Lara watched the scene, transfixed.

I told her, simply and matter-of-factly, "That's what Mama has to do to get baby brother out Lara, and that's what I had to do for you also."

In most of interactions with my daughter, I have sought to equip her to face life's situations with calmness, truthful common sense, and ideally a minimum of drama.

Those who know the dramatic diva that Lara can be will know that this is a work-in-progress, but her response to me that night showed me some of my 'teachings' were sinking in:

She looked at me unfazed, "But Mama," she said. "You won't cry and scream like that lady, right? You will be BRAVE and stay calm, right?"
#nopressure.

So as we prepped to leave for the hospital I did indeed attempt to be that role model of calm for her, asking her only for her help in keeping very quiet,
"Because Mama needs to focus on bringing baby brother out and she needs quiet to concentrate...".

As we left the house at 10.11am, I texted Kishore's sister Geetha to please prep to pick up Lara from the hospital, and was grateful Kishore had the foresight to ask our gynae to prepare a letter for Geetha to show any police roadblocks between my in-laws' home in Subang Jaya and the hospital in Bangsar, this all happening under the Movement Control Order (MCO).

To Lara's credit, in the journey over to the hospital, she - probably sensing the gravity of the situation, sat very quietly in her seat at the back, and the silence was punctuated only by my occasional deep intakes of breath and some variation of my Ohmmm-like moans when the sensations were at their height.

By the time we got to Pantai Hospital at around 10.30am, my surges were strong enough I requested a wheelchair to assist me in getting to the labour ward, as I did not trust my own legs to support me... and Kishore would have to wait until Geetha had arrived to take Lara back to my in-laws' house before he himself could go up.

I slumped in the wheelchair and was wheeled up to the labour room with my eyes closed the whole time, trying to handle my surges.

I didn't even look up to see the attendant who pushed me... but did make the effort to thank him sincerely when he handed me over, with what seemed like a palpable sense of relief on his part, to the labour ward nurses.

The nurse attending me at Pantai was calm, steady and efficient. I answered some questions and changed into my labour gown while waiting for Kishore to come up, all the while managing the increasingly intense surges with my rusty Hypnobirthing breathing techniques.

By the time Kishore joined me at around 11am (I know these timings based on the timestamps of the 'WhatsApp live feed' of messages Kishore sent to his family), I was asking the nurse on duty, "How soon can I get an epidural??" thinking what crazy woman thought she could do this without drugs???!!!

The nurse checked my cervix dilation, I saw her bloodied glove indicating my mucous plug had dislodged, and she told me, "Well you are already at 7cm (which, for the uninitiated, is 70% of the way to the 10cm dilation needed for birthing), you are really doing well, if you made it this far without any drugs, if can you try and manage without it... I suspect within 2 hours or less you will deliver your baby and since it will take about that time for the anaesthesiologist to be called, epidural to be administered and kick in... it might all be for nothing... but of course the decision is completely up to you... "

So there I was, super torn, should I risk the sensations becoming worse... or risk the epidural becoming a waste?? And of course I was trying to decide this as my labour surges were coming at me stronger and stronger...

I was in such a dilemma...because as a 'recovering approval junkie' there was also a silly element of approval-seeking involved, ("The nurse thinks I can do this without drugs... maybe I CAN do this without drugs... Yay me!") mixed with that element of curiosity I mentioned earlier ("What if I actually CAN do this without drugs... plenty of other women have done it all over the world since time immemorial.. no big deal, how bad can it be...??") so then I thought I would use the financial aspect to be the 'tiebreaker' in my decision making...

I asked the nurse how much an epidural would cost and when she replied "Around MYR1.5k", I still remember Kishore's incredulous face as I asked the question, i.e."Seriously babe, you are gonna think about money right now? If you need the epidural TAKE IT, don't worry about the money!!!"... and while we are not rich by any stretch of the imagination, thankfully RM1.5k is not a quantum that made me swing towards a decision to "better save the money"...

So in the end, I guess my curiosity won out, and I turned down the epidural "just to see what it would be like and if I had it in me" (in addition of course to avoiding the side effects of any drugs introduced into my and the baby's body).

My labour occuring in the time of coronavirus, it was protocol for me to have a COVID19 test done, so the medical staff could apply the necessary precautions. I had heard from a friend Sharon Ruba that the test procedure was uncomfortable, so when the nurse came with the test kit as I was starting another surge, I asked, "Please can I just finish this surge before I do the test?" as I really didn't think I could multitask tackling multiple uncomfortable sensations in one go.

The COVID19 test involved what felt like a looong, skinny cotton bud being inserted into one nostril... I definitely felt more than a tickle as it went in and up, being told to take deep breaths by the nurse. Then she asked me to "Try to swallow" and I felt it go into my nasal cavities where I didn't think anything could go any further, but was proven wrong when she asked me to swallow again and the swab was probed even deeper. Then she warned me there would be some slight discomfort as she prepared to collect a sample... but at that point all I could think about was:

(i) I really don't have much of a choice
(ii) please let this be over before my next surge kicks in
(iii) if all the people breaking the MCO rules knew what it feels like to do this test maybe they won't put themselves at risk of the need to perform one...

In full disclosure as I was transferred into the actual delivery room at some point after 11am, another nurse offered me 'laughing gas' to ostensibly take some of the edge off... I took the self-operated breathing nozzle passed to me but don't recall it making any difference to my sensations..so didn't use it much as it seemed pretty pointless.

I recall some measure of relief when I heard my gynae Dr. Paul entering the room, greeting Kishore and me, and telling us it was going well and it wouldn't be long now and he would see us again shortly.

From my previous labour with Lara I knew the midwives pretty much take you 90% of the way through the labour and when the Dr is called in you are really at the home stretch, so was very relieved to hear his voice though knowing he would leave and come back later meant it wasn't quite over yet.

I do remember realising when I had crossed the Thinning and Opening Phase of labour to the Birthing Phase, by the change in sensations... it is still amazing to me that as the Hypnobirthing book mentioned, having this knowledge I was instinctively able to switch breathing techniques for the next stage of labour .

Was my opting against epidural the right choice for me?

Overall? Yes.

Don't get me wrong.

I *almost* regretted the decision several times during active labour... especially when I felt my body being taken over by an overwhelming compulsion to push that did not seem conscious and was accompanied by involuntary gutteral moans where I literally just thought to myself, "I surrender, God do with me what you will..." (super dramatic I know but VERY real at the time...).

I think I experienced 3-4 such natural explusive reflexes (?), rhythmically pushing the baby down the birth path, one of which was accompanied by what felt like a swoosh of water coming out of a hose with a diameter the size of a golf ball... this was when I realised my water had finally broken...

The nurses kept instructing me to do different things, to keep breathing, to move to my side, then to move to the middle, to raise my feet... and when I didn't comply, Kishore (who was with me throughout both my labours) tried to help them by repeating the instructions prefaced with "Sayang..." but I basically ignored all the intructions because I felt I had no capacity to direct any part of my body to do anything and someone else would have to physically manoeuvre that body part themselves.

When I heard Dr. Paul's voice again and the flurry of commotion surrounding his presence, I knew the time was close... and when I heard the nurse say to Kishore, "Sir, these are your gloves, for when you cut the baby's cord", it was music to my ears...

I'm very, VERY grateful Kiaen slid out after maybe the 4th of those involuntary pushes... the wave of RELIEF when he came out so quickly... it still boggles my mind that my mother was essentially right and as his birth time was 12.02pm, it was *only* about 1.5 hours between our arrival at the hospital and his arrival into the world.

Kiaen was placed on my chest for skin to skin bonding and remained there for a considerable time.

For our short stay in the hospital he would be with us in my maternity ward number C327... another trivially serendipitous sign for me because he was born on the 3rd (May) and our wedding anniversary is 27th (July).

I was discharged the following day 4th May at about 5.30pm, after I got an all clear on COVID19 and a paediatric surgeon did a small procedure on Kiaen to address a tongue-tie that would affect his breastfeeding latch... making the entire duration of our stay about 31 hours.

I have taken the time and effort to record all this down so that whenever life's challenges threaten to get me down I can remind myself, "Ignore the 97% failure probability, focus on the 3% success probability".

Also that the human condition is miraculous and it is such a privilege to experience it.

To our son Kiaen Aaryan, thank you for coming into our lives and choosing us as your parents.

Even though Papa and I are both zombies trying to settle into a night time feeding routine with you, I look forward to spending not only all future Mother's Days, but every day, with you and your Akka...

And last but not least, to my husband Kishore...without whom none of this would be possible - we did it sayang, I love you ❤️

Photo credit: Stayhome session with Samantha Yong Photography (http://samanthayong.com/)

It's Back to Schoooo season! You ready for it? No? Thought so ;) Don't worry, I'll show my laundry list of things I'd bring to school.

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