[Leisure talk]
Nothing in particular, just felt like sharing some of my thought… just take it as a mumbling session from me……
Being in ACG circle for almost 19 years, there’s by fits and starts (Yao did portrait shooting in the middle of time). I came back 6 years ago, start it all over again and giving full force into cosplay. All this while, I position cosplay as my hobby. However, hardly to take a hobby as a permanent job. FYI, it will no longer a pure hobby when it slowly went into a business pathway. It will slowly be depressing yourself, will started to force yourself to do some character that you don’t like, slowly forget who you’re, and you’ll started to doubt your life. “How if I’m no longer famous, can I still get a job now?” Started to fight with others, comparing among your friends, there’s also someone who starting to take advantages from someone to ensure self to be on top, bad mouth others and so on……
Yao met with similar kind of people before, and started to slowly keep distance with them. So, sometimes people come and ask me “Hey Yao, why don’t you work with who in particular…? Maybe, just maybe he or she is that kind of person that I’m don’t appreciate. Anyways, we are speaking different languages. I just want to happily stay in my cosplay life. I don’t want to waste time on someone who has a different mindset as mine. It will just spoil my mood.
By the way, Yao is someone who doesn’t like to stay in the same style forever. It will eventually reflect on out photos! No matter is cosplay or some style of photograph. I wish to try my best to try on different things. Maybe some people might say, we’re walking towards sexy-lusty pathway. Let me guess, the one who say so is someone that never be with us since the very beginning right? And never know us well too. Our portfolio involving many different kind of style. Since we have our own fans page, we’re still doing the same style as now. And there’s many different kinds of photography style and in between of sexy-lusty and artistic everyone has their own definition too. If you don’t like it you can choose to leave. Because of this matter occur the dropping of fans amount, ignoring our others signature portfolio… All I can said was you don’t know us; you don’t understand us at all.
My profession is from Art stream and current job relates to art too (we’re not professional cosplayer). Most of the time, I will view it in an artistic way. Therefore, it is hard to determine the differences between those two. There’s something called Art in Lust, which more towards western style; western culture. Where more open-minded and higher acceptance level from them. I stayed in portrait shooting quite some time, so I slowly adapted into the culture and try on different culture of shooting too. However, I think maybe this is what’s happening in Asia , most of them is in a conservative mindset. Where most of the cosplayer is in the younger generation too. Be frank, I’m not surprise on the number of peoples reporting our Facebook page. Because of this issue, we decided to place most of our sexier portfolio in e-magazine. Where you will need to meet certain requirement to view the photos. I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to the one who supporting us but can’t meet the requirement to view the photos.
Regarding on the attitude toward cosplay…
With the interest of creating a better creative idea,
I personally think that cosplayer and illustrator do work the same, other than originality there’s other possibility too. It is free to create, self-serving, full with imagination…
I love to take storyline-based photos which is more originally relates to the project. It actually can let us portrait the character though acting, act the characteristic of the chosen character, figure out a different emotional feeling… It felt so good! I believe this is the best part of cosplay, and I personally like this part the most too. But I like to take some self-serving portfolio too. I like to try some different direction like CP,BL, GL, Transgender, Funny, Playful and OOC too. I love having the freedom of creativity within my world. That allows me to have all kind of thinking and direction for the character.
In the meanwhile, let’s say im in a cosplay working condition I will be in a different emotional and attitude too. I’m someone who very strict (to my partner too!) when it comes to work. I will make sure that I’m fully into situation, into the character. I’ll make sure is the character who lead the way, bring in the character emotional and feeling, just like be possessed by the character. This is my working attitude during my cosplay working time.
Of course, this is my situation. Everyone has their own way and principle to portrait their character. We should respect each other’s.
My personal thought:
Cosplay is you’re happy to be in that character
Cosplay is the challenges on the character originality
Cosplay is you bring out something from the virtual world and your mind
Cosplay is something that you can input your creativity and thinking
Cosplay is found someone who has the same passionate as you do
Cosplay is respect other’s even different thought
Cosplay is can create new spark even with different type of thought or different type of presenting
Cosplay is love, where comes with friendship, hard work and memories
No matter you are professional cosplayer part-timer cosplayer, originality team, full with self-serving OOC team, ps, or illustrator…
As long as you felt happy, never force yourself to do something that you dislike, never bad mouth or bully anyone… why not?
Cosplay is something that’s make you feel happy. If you felt stressful, perhaps you can try to adjust your feeling toward cosplay and review the current situation? With this I believe will slowly found the satisfaction and happiness in it
Still the same advice from me – never forget the reason, have fun-
Thank you for supporting the capricious me! Thanks for not only like our work but me too. I truly love every one of you ^_^
【閒聊】
其實也沒什麼,只是想把一些想對自己與你們說的話說出來,就當是我個人的碎碎念吧⋯⋯
玩cos玩了19年,中間一度斷斷續續的(教主跑去拍人像),從六年前重新回來認真玩cos,一直以來都把cos的定位放在興趣,因為所謂的興趣當飯吃,那就不會是那麼單純的興趣了,它可能會變得有壓力,會逼自己出不喜歡的角色,會得失心很重,會擔心不紅之後還能做什麼工作。會整天想與人競爭,跟自己的朋友比較來比較去,有人甚至會想利用別人或踩著他人往上爬,黑別人等等等。
教主自己遇過這樣的人,所以自然保持距離,所以有時候有人問我,你怎麼沒跟誰誰誰合作了⋯⋯,那可能就是他就是那樣的人囉,所謂道不同不相為謀,我想只純粹的玩cosplay,不想跟理念不一樣的人浪費時間而已,因為那樣一點也不開心。
然後教主是一個不喜歡一成不變的人,這會反應在我的作品上,不管是cos或是拍攝的攝影作品風格,我都想儘量嘗試。也許有人會說,我現在都喜歡拍肉的,尺度大怎樣的,那我想你一定是沒有從頭關注我們,沒有認真看我們的粉專,我們的作品五花八門,各種風格都有;況且,我一開始創立粉專的時候,尺度就不小,再說,肉跟藝術這種界定本來就見仁見智,不喜歡你可以不要看,慢走不送,你因為這樣就脫粉,選擇忽略我們拍攝的其他東西,那我只能說,你真的很不了解我們。
教主本身是學藝術出身,現在的正職工作也是(我們不是職業coser ),我看很多東西都會先以藝術眼光去看,很難評斷是否色情,因為還有一種東西叫做情慾藝術,歐美風氣也都比較開放大方,教主之前又一陣子待在人像圈,漸而習慣不以為意,但我想因為我們是東方人,cos界平均年齡又偏小的關係,大部分人觀念保守的情況下,粉專被檢舉也是層出不窮,因此,我們現在只要有關肉或性感題材,一律以電子檔的方式販售,這一點,還請一直支持我們的你多多包含。
關於教主對於cos的態度.......
在興趣創作的情況下,
我認為cos跟繪師一樣,除了還原,還有著各種可能性,它是自由的,私心的,充滿妄想的。
我喜歡拍還原原作劇情的照片,因為可以演藝自己的演技,表現那個角色的個性,揣摩情緒,真的很過癮,我想這是cosplay最迷人的地方,也是我最喜歡的部分。
但我也喜歡拍私心的東西,喜歡拍喜歡的CP,bl、gl、惡搞、性轉等等ooc的東西。我喜歡在我的地盤自由發揮創作與構想。
然而如果今天是工作的狀態就完全不同了,我會對自己與搭檔非常嚴厲,工作狀態的我會完全還原角色個性中,我會角色帶入,情感帶入,就像附身一樣,這是我對於自己cos工作時的態度要求。
當然,這只是我個人狀況,每個人有自己的表現方式與原則,我們都應互相尊重包容。
我認為:
Cos是成為喜愛角色的那份興奮與滿足
Cos是還原角色的那份挑戰
Cos是將腦內妄想成為現實的轉換
Cos是表達個人理念與的藝術表現
Cos是與自己想法一致的人產生共鳴的那份感動
Cos是尊重包容與你不同觀點的人的那份體貼
Cos是不同的畫風,不同的概念下產生的新火花
Cos是愛,乘載著友情、心酸、與回憶
不管是職業coser,業餘coser,還原派、充滿個人私心的ooc派,ps繪師派⋯⋯
只要是打從心底開心,不強迫做自己不喜歡做得事,不黑不謾罵霸凌別人,有何不可?
Cos是開心的,自由的;如果你的cos讓你充滿壓力,可能要改變一下心態或是重新審視自己的現況了,才能從中得到真正的滿足與快樂。
還是那句老話:—莫忘初心,玩得開心—
謝謝一直支持喜歡如此任性多變的我,謝謝不只是喜歡我的cos作品而是喜歡「我」這個人的朋友們;我真心愛你們^_^。
同時也有10000部Youtube影片,追蹤數超過2,910的網紅コバにゃんチャンネル,也在其Youtube影片中提到,...
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self doubt definition 在 Yao&Alma TW Cosplayer Facebook 的最佳貼文
[Leisure talk]
Nothing in particular, just felt like sharing some of my thought… just take it as a mumbling session from me……
Being in ACG circle for almost 19 years, there’s by fits and starts (Yao did portrait shooting in the middle of time). I came back 6 years ago, start it all over again and giving full force into cosplay. All this while, I position cosplay as my hobby. However, hardly to take a hobby as a permanent job. FYI, it will no longer a pure hobby when it slowly went into a business pathway. It will slowly be depressing yourself, will started to force yourself to do some character that you don’t like, slowly forget who you’re, and you’ll started to doubt your life. “How if I’m no longer famous, can I still get a job now?” Started to fight with others, comparing among your friends, there’s also someone who starting to take advantages from someone to ensure self to be on top, bad mouth others and so on……
Yao met with similar kind of people before, and started to slowly keep distance with them. So, sometimes people come and ask me “Hey Yao, why don’t you work with who in particular…? Maybe, just maybe he or she is that kind of person that I’m don’t appreciate. Anyways, we are speaking different languages. I just want to happily stay in my cosplay life. I don’t want to waste time on someone who has a different mindset as mine. It will just spoil my mood.
By the way, Yao is someone who doesn’t like to stay in the same style forever. It will eventually reflect on out photos! No matter is cosplay or some style of photograph. I wish to try my best to try on different things. Maybe some people might say, we’re walking towards sexy-lusty pathway. Let me guess, the one who say so is someone that never be with us since the very beginning right? And never know us well too. Our portfolio involving many different kind of style. Since we have our own fans page, we’re still doing the same style as now. And there’s many different kinds of photography style and in between of sexy-lusty and artistic everyone has their own definition too. If you don’t like it you can choose to leave. Because of this matter occur the dropping of fans amount, ignoring our others signature portfolio… All I can said was you don’t know us; you don’t understand us at all.
My profession is from Art stream and current job relates to art too (we’re not professional cosplayer). Most of the time, I will view it in an artistic way. Therefore, it is hard to determine the differences between those two. There’s something called Art in Lust, which more towards western style; western culture. Where more open-minded and higher acceptance level from them. I stayed in portrait shooting quite some time, so I slowly adapted into the culture and try on different culture of shooting too. However, I think maybe this is what’s happening in Asia , most of them is in a conservative mindset. Where most of the cosplayer is in the younger generation too. Be frank, I’m not surprise on the number of peoples reporting our Facebook page. Because of this issue, we decided to place most of our sexier portfolio in e-magazine. Where you will need to meet certain requirement to view the photos. I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to the one who supporting us but can’t meet the requirement to view the photos.
Regarding on the attitude toward cosplay…
With the interest of creating a better creative idea,
I personally think that cosplayer and illustrator do work the same, other than originality there’s other possibility too. It is free to create, self-serving, full with imagination…
I love to take storyline-based photos which is more originally relates to the project. It actually can let us portrait the character though acting, act the characteristic of the chosen character, figure out a different emotional feeling… It felt so good! I believe this is the best part of cosplay, and I personally like this part the most too. But I like to take some self-serving portfolio too. I like to try some different direction like CP,BL, GL, Transgender, Funny, Playful and OOC too. I love having the freedom of creativity within my world. That allows me to have all kind of thinking and direction for the character.
In the meanwhile, let’s say im in a cosplay working condition I will be in a different emotional and attitude too. I’m someone who very strict (to my partner too!) when it comes to work. I will make sure that I’m fully into situation, into the character. I’ll make sure is the character who lead the way, bring in the character emotional and feeling, just like be possessed by the character. This is my working attitude during my cosplay working time.
Of course, this is my situation. Everyone has their own way and principle to portrait their character. We should respect each other’s.
My personal thought:
Cosplay is you’re happy to be in that character
Cosplay is the challenges on the character originality
Cosplay is you bring out something from the virtual world and your mind
Cosplay is something that you can input your creativity and thinking
Cosplay is found someone who has the same passionate as you do
Cosplay is respect other’s even different thought
Cosplay is can create new spark even with different type of thought or different type of presenting
Cosplay is love, where comes with friendship, hard work and memories
No matter you are professional cosplayer part-timer cosplayer, originality team, full with self-serving OOC team, ps, or illustrator…
As long as you felt happy, never force yourself to do something that you dislike, never bad mouth or bully anyone… why not?
Cosplay is something that’s make you feel happy. If you felt stressful, perhaps you can try to adjust your feeling toward cosplay and review the current situation? With this I believe will slowly found the satisfaction and happiness in it
Still the same advice from me – never forget the reason, have fun-
Thank you for supporting the capricious me! Thanks for not only like our work but me too. I truly love every one of you ^_^
【閒聊】
其實也沒什麼,只是想把一些想對自己與你們說的話說出來,就當是我個人的碎碎念吧⋯⋯
玩cos玩了19年,中間一度斷斷續續的(教主跑去拍人像),從六年前重新回來認真玩cos,一直以來都把cos的定位放在興趣,因為所謂的興趣當飯吃,那就不會是那麼單純的興趣了,它可能會變得有壓力,會逼自己出不喜歡的角色,會得失心很重,會擔心不紅之後還能做什麼工作。會整天想與人競爭,跟自己的朋友比較來比較去,有人甚至會想利用別人或踩著他人往上爬,黑別人等等等。
教主自己遇過這樣的人,所以自然保持距離,所以有時候有人問我,你怎麼沒跟誰誰誰合作了⋯⋯,那可能就是他就是那樣的人囉,所謂道不同不相為謀,我想只純粹的玩cosplay,不想跟理念不一樣的人浪費時間而已,因為那樣一點也不開心。
然後教主是一個不喜歡一成不變的人,這會反應在我的作品上,不管是cos或是拍攝的攝影作品風格,我都想儘量嘗試。也許有人會說,我現在都喜歡拍肉的,尺度大怎樣的,那我想你一定是沒有從頭關注我們,沒有認真看我們的粉專,我們的作品五花八門,各種風格都有;況且,我一開始創立粉專的時候,尺度就不小,再說,肉跟藝術這種界定本來就見仁見智,不喜歡你可以不要看,慢走不送,你因為這樣就脫粉,選擇忽略我們拍攝的其他東西,那我只能說,你真的很不了解我們。
教主本身是學藝術出身,現在的正職工作也是(我們不是職業coser ),我看很多東西都會先以藝術眼光去看,很難評斷是否色情,因為還有一種東西叫做情慾藝術,歐美風氣也都比較開放大方,教主之前又一陣子待在人像圈,漸而習慣不以為意,但我想因為我們是東方人,cos界平均年齡又偏小的關係,大部分人觀念保守的情況下,粉專被檢舉也是層出不窮,因此,我們現在只要有關肉或性感題材,一律以電子檔的方式販售,這一點,還請一直支持我們的你多多包含。
關於教主對於cos的態度.......
在興趣創作的情況下,
我認為cos跟繪師一樣,除了還原,還有著各種可能性,它是自由的,私心的,充滿妄想的。
我喜歡拍還原原作劇情的照片,因為可以演藝自己的演技,表現那個角色的個性,揣摩情緒,真的很過癮,我想這是cosplay最迷人的地方,也是我最喜歡的部分。
但我也喜歡拍私心的東西,喜歡拍喜歡的CP,bl、gl、惡搞、性轉等等ooc的東西。我喜歡在我的地盤自由發揮創作與構想。
然而如果今天是工作的狀態就完全不同了,我會對自己與搭檔非常嚴厲,工作狀態的我會完全還原角色個性中,我會角色帶入,情感帶入,就像附身一樣,這是我對於自己cos工作時的態度要求。
當然,這只是我個人狀況,每個人有自己的表現方式與原則,我們都應互相尊重包容。
我認為:
Cos是成為喜愛角色的那份興奮與滿足
Cos是還原角色的那份挑戰
Cos是將腦內妄想成為現實的轉換
Cos是表達個人理念與的藝術表現
Cos是與自己想法一致的人產生共鳴的那份感動
Cos是尊重包容與你不同觀點的人的那份體貼
Cos是不同的畫風,不同的概念下產生的新火花
Cos是愛,乘載著友情、心酸、與回憶
不管是職業coser,業餘coser,還原派、充滿個人私心的ooc派,ps繪師派⋯⋯
只要是打從心底開心,不強迫做自己不喜歡做得事,不黑不謾罵霸凌別人,有何不可?
Cos是開心的,自由的;如果你的cos讓你充滿壓力,可能要改變一下心態或是重新審視自己的現況了,才能從中得到真正的滿足與快樂。
還是那句老話:—莫忘初心,玩得開心—
謝謝一直支持喜歡如此任性多變的我,謝謝不只是喜歡我的cos作品而是喜歡「我」這個人的朋友們;我真心愛你們^_^。
self doubt definition 在 JaeYoong Facebook 的最讚貼文
Oh wow! I just realized this guy sounds so much like me!! Long long post! But good read though! (:
The phone rang.
She was sobbing badly on the other end of the line.
“I’m going over,” I told her and hung up before she could protest.
1am. It was going to be a long night ahead..
She was still crying when she opened the door. She looked so broken, so vulnerable. I didn’t have to know what was wrong, I just held her in my arms. She cried even more.
“He broke up with me,” she finally said.
I just kept quiet as she let it all out.. questions, tears, anger, hurt.
“Why does love have to hurt so much?”
“No, love.. doesn’t hurt,” I said gently.
“So says the guy who’s been single forever? What would you know about love,” she jabbed.
“So says the guy who’s been your friend though Mr now-ex-#4,” I grinned. “Love doesn’t hurt you.. it’s the person that doesn’t know how to love or appreciate love that hurts you. But love never hurts,”.
“You won’t understand, Matt,” she sighed, “you’ve never been in love…”
“That’s not entirely true, you know..”
“Wait what- so who’s this girl I’ve never heard abou-“
“What did you love about #4 anyway?” I interjected.
“I don’t know… he is just perfect. And I love him so much,”
“But you don’t know what it is that you love about him?”
“It’s just.. the feeling when I’m with him. It always felt right with him. He made me feel loved and I loved him too,”
“That’s it? Just a feeling?”
“Well.. yea. What were you expecting me to say?”
“.. something more specific, maybe? I mean, if you thought he’s so ‘perfect’, why’d he still chea- erm, why’d he leave you?”
“Because I’m just not good enough for him? I don’t know..” she paused. “What is love to you then…”
“Hmm.. to me, being together or in love with someone should be more that just a feeling.. it should also be about mutual understanding, acceptance, respect, commitment and trust.”
“That’s what all couples would hope and want their relationship to be like, Matt. But expectations and reality don’t always go together..”
“Or maybe.. someone’s just not trying?”
“Well if you think love is so simple.. why haven’t you been with anyone all these years?”
“I never said love was simple.. but I guess the reason why I’ve never been with anyone yet is because.. I already know exactly what I want,”
“You have.. a checklist?”
“Sorta. It’s not the typical kinda ‘I’d like a girl with long hair, nice smile, etc’ superficial checklist though,”
“Oh. What kind of list is it then?”
“It’s like.. a concept of love. Of what it is about a girl that will make me fall completely in love with her. A concept that has more than three specific reasons that would answer any question as to why I love her.”
“You have a concept of love?” she laughed. “Love isn’t a theory, Matt.. you can’t just classify love by a concept or definition, you simply feel it with your heart..”
“But you see.. the reason why I think there are so many broken hearts, is because people merely jump into a relationship when their heart feels a certain something towards someone. But I don’t think that’s love, that’s merely an infatuation. Personally, I believe there are more than three reasons and aspects that actually determines whether we really are truly in love beyond the superficial ‘I don’t know why I love him/her.. I just do’ reason,”
“That makes sense. So what exactly is this.. ‘concept’ of yours about?” she asked, genuine curiosity replacing her initial skepticism.
“I call it the 4+1 theory. The aspects that will determine if it’s true love or just a fickle infatuation. It’s based on this idea that whenever we like someone, if we really go deeper into what is it that draws us to him or her, we’d be able to find that one specific reason. That’s not love though. That’s merely an attraction or infatuation. But when more than three of the aspects from this theory are present, you’ll be pretty sure that it’s more than just a feeling. For me personally, this determines if I’ll ever fall in love with a girl…”
Mind. Heart. Body. Soul.
The mind aspect, to put it simply, is her intellect. But I don’t mean the academic smarts.. it’s the way she thinks, processes and analyzes things way beyond a shallow self centeredness. It’s the way she puts across her thoughts, not for winning an argument’s sake, but to really try to understand or even sensibly debate opposing views that might leave anyone reflecting on her words or challenge me to think differently. It’s the way she carries herself off with an aura of sophistication and enigmatic charm and no matter how much I might think I already know her or have her figured out, she’ll still surprise me with something unexpected. Good surprise. I like intellect. Personally, it takes a little more to intrigue me and stimulate my senses. If I can connect with someone and talk endlessly about the concept of nothing, then, only then, will we be able to talk about everything else.. and I think that’s incredibly alluring,”
“Ooh.. so my best friend’s sapiosexual too,” she teased. “But what about her likes and dislikes or like her personality.. does that go under the mind aspect too?”
“Well, that’s where the heart aspect comes in. The heart represents who she is by what she values or cares about. The things she likes, the things she dislikes. What really matters to her, as well as her insecurities and fears..”
She bit her lower lip - thinking. “But what if him knowing about my past and all my insecurities scares him or drives him away? Or what if he ever uses all of these against me if someday things go bad between us?”
“Erm.. you do realize that it doesn’t really matter now because whether or not he ever knew, he already chose to leave you right? But.. if he still or ever tries to hurt you in any way, then he is a fucking bastard and I will punch his face,”. I really meant it.
“I don’t think he even cares about me anymore,” she sighed, “maybe he never really did.. we were so.. different. I don’t know why I never actually realize it before,”
“Maybe because then, you were too ‘blinded by love’ to see, or you chose to conveniently ignore the differences. Honestly though, I think it’s critical for two people to understand each other’s heart and learn to accommodate each other’s differences rather than simply turning a blind eye or deaf ear ‘because I love him and that’s all that matters’. Because if two people are too different in the way they think, behave or live.. I reckon it will become a huge problem when the infatuation bubble bursts.”
“I don’t really understand..” she said.
“Let me just ask you this.. does he know how passionate you are towards the arts and music?"
“Well, no.. not really. He’s more the sports kind of guy and doesn’t like theatre and stuff so I didn’t want him to get bored if I talked to him about things he isn’t interested in..”
“Then i’m guessing he probably also doesn’t care or know the little things about you. Like how you’re afraid of the dark and why you’re actually scared of darkness.. how family and relationships are really important to you.. that ice cream is your happy pill. You know, I’m even going to bet that he doesn’t know you go to bed every night, clutching your phone just hoping and waiting for him to text you goodnight..”
She started to tear again, but I continued..
“You see, it’s not a matter of whether it bores him or not.. it’s a matter of whether he bothers or not. I mean, if he doesn’t even know these things about you, then he really doesn’t know you at all. How then can he say he loves you?”
“But I really loved him,” she murmured softly to herself .
“I know you did. I know you still do and it’s hurting you like shit. But you need to know that for any kind of relationship to work.. two people need to give and take. Sadly, with him, it seems like you’re the one who was always giving. If he actually really loved you back as much, he’d make a greater effort to close the gap and bridge the differences between you two. He’d want to hear what you have to say, he would actually consider your opinions, your needs and your feelings. He’ll not just tell you or text you that he loves you.. he’ll show it by the things he will do or be willing to do no matter how inconvenient or silly it might be, just because.. he knows it’ll make you happier or better. To me, when it comes to a relationship, the heart aspect isn’t just a feeling or who you/he or she is anymore. It becomes two hearts beating as one. Two people wanting to understand each other.. sharing the good, the bad and possibly a future together; actually bothering and supporting each other’s feelings, values, dreams, thoughts, emotions,”
She stayed silent for a long while before she looked up, holding my gaze.. there was this unspoken tension building before she finally spoke again.
“But.. what if something that’s important to me, is not something the guy might feel same way about?"
“Then I’ll try-” I caught myself. “I mean, if I were him. I’d try. I’d make the effort.. because it’s important to you and you’re important to me,”
She remained silent again. She wasn’t crying anymore but this time, the prolonged silence was starting to grow even more deafening.
“Matt,” she finally spoke - softly, “do you believe in love at first sight?”
“No.” I said flatly.
“Oh..” she sighed. “You know what you said about mind and heart.. it’s actually starting to sink in and I’m beginning to realize that maybe these two aspects weren’t exactly a big part of my relationship with him,”
“So what made you fall in love with him then?”
“Well.. don’t laugh, but I’ve always thought that with him, it was love at first sight. I mean, there was just this spark between us from the very first time we met,”
“Cos he was hot?” I scoffed.
“No.. don’t be an idiot,” she tried to hide her smile but failed. I rolled my eyes. “Okay fine, yea maybe that. But it wasn’t the only reason!”
I raised an eyebrow.
“He was really nice too! And he was always sweet to me,“ she began her defense case. “He always made me feel happy, secure and loved without even having to try, you know?” I just continued staring at her waiting for her to go on. “Oh never mind, you’d never understand..”
“Actually.. I do. And I think I now understand what it was that made you fall in love with him.
The body aspect.
The body aspect is about physical attraction, intimacy and presence.
I don’t believe in love at first sight. I don’t believe you can just “instantly know” you’re in love or that someone’s THE one just by “first sight”. No offense, but I think the whole love at first sight concept is bullshit that only exists in movies and fairy tales. In reality, it isn’t love. That very first attraction.. is probably lust. Lust at first sight”.
“What nonsense! It’s not like I was lusting over him from the very first time I laid eyes on him! Maybe it’s the case for guys.. I mean, sex is always on a guy’s mind whenever he meets a girl right? But it’s different for girls, Matt..” she protested.
“Okay. You know what.. since you brought up the age-old guys and sex debate, I’ll tell you this secret to clarify something about guys for the first and last time.. probably 99% of guys are naturally sexual. If you ever meet any guy who tells you he isn’t sexual at all, it’s not that he’s gay – no, gays are even more horny .. he’s likely to be a liar and you should be more wary of him. BUT! Here’s the thing.. even though guys are sexual by nature, it isn’t always the only or most important thing to a guy,”
“Really?” now she raised her eyebrow with that annoying smirk on her face.
“Oh come on, you girls know how it is, plus you aren’t exactly saint-like innocent either.. sometimes you see a hot guy and you start fantasizing or making statements like ‘omg have my babies’..”
“That…” she started blushing.
“That.. is exactly my point. It’s the same with guys. We might talk and think about sex a lot more openly than girls but it isn’t always the only thing on our mind. When I said it’s lust at first sight.. I didn’t literally mean you want the guy naked and in bed. What I meant is the momentary attraction or desire– he might be hot, he might be charming, he might have smiled at you that made you feel a certain way.. but that’s not love. That’s really just a superficial physical attraction. Saying “I’m in love” right there and then just completely takes the special meaning out of the word ‘love’. If you ask me, I personally think the process of loving or falling in love with someone involves discovering the person and then perhaps developing feelings. It could happen quickly or over a longer period of time, but not at first sight,”
“Hmm.. that does make sense,” she paused and then her lips curled up forming that annoying smirk again. “Oh wow, this is the first time you and I are talking about sex huh..”.
“You never asked..”
“Tell me then.. what is sex to you?”
“Sex.. to me, is merely a physical act. I am not part of the whole “sex is sacred/taboo” camp but then, I don’t take sides with the whole bed hopping culture either,”
“I can’t believe you just said that sex is merely a physical act..” she began in a disappointed tone.
“But sex really is just a physical act if it’s without emotions or feelings. And that is why I distinguish between sex and making love, the same way I clearly differentiate ‘loving’ and ‘being in love’ with someone,”
“Oh.” this time, she smiled. She understood.
“Don’t get me wrong.. I think physical intimacy is very important in a relationship but for me, the one physical aspect that matters the most.. is the physical presence. That, is also what I reckon made you fall in love with him.
“Okay this, I really want to know…” she said.
“The physical presence is simply being there. You want him to be with you. You want to be there for him. Because just being there with or for each other makes your day, or you as a person, a little better. You may act or behave a little different when you’re with him, but in a good way – in a way that you actually feel completely comfortable, safe and you. Perhaps even without you knowing, you smile more and laugh harder. You feel real, genuine joy. And even on days when the smile can’t happen, you know you don’t have to pretend to be okay or be self conscious in front of him; because its perfectly okay to be the way you are and feel when you’re with him. He cares about you and you feel loved when you’re with him. Sometimes, there are no need for words or explanations.. just his presence, him being there for you, holding you.. makes you feel better or believe that it’s going to be okay again. Because you’re not just holding on to someone for attention or sympathy.. you actually feel and believe that you’re holding on to a part of or the rest of your life..”
Which leads to the fourth aspect – soul.
The soul aspect to me, is the deepest form and the final affirmation that should answer any remaining doubt or questions as to whether we’ve truly fallen in love with a person.
It’s when you start noticing but still appreciate all the other little things, even the flaws - especially the flaws. It’s when you truly know a person stripped down of all their walls, exposed to their soul and yet still accept and love him or her. It’s a level of understanding and acceptance that goes beyond the “honeymoon everything is perfect” period.
It’s when you finally realize this one person is someone you can always and want to tell everything to, and you want to ask and know everything of him or her as well. It’s when you actually want to share your life and trust your secrets with this person; and you can. This someone is the first person you think of when you’re happy, sad or when something significant happens. This same person is someone you can call at 1am in the morning and they’d drop everything to make time for you, staying by you till the sun rises or you’re better again - as you would for him or her as well. This person cares and will listen. Will really listen, giving you their undivided attention and genuine love; not necessarily every time but any time you need him or her. This one person makes your problem their problem and they go through it together with you just so you don’t have to go through the pain and tears alone,”
It was at this moment, for the very first time, she looked at me in a different way but said nothing.
“You see, the soul aspect..” I continued, “is when you start to see and want to share the rest of your life with this one other. And not in a clingy “I can’t live without you” way, but in a way that I can still live my life without you as I have before I met you, but now that you’ve come to exist in my life, I see the possibility of a life with you and now I actually want to make decisions and live a life, continuing to create more moments and memories together with you”.
“Well.. so.. have you met this one person yet? I mean, I’m sure it’s almost impossible to find that ‘perfect’ girl who fulfills all of your four aspects of love right?” she mumbled. I could barely hear her. She wasn’t even looking at me anymore.
“No, it is not impossible and I don’t think its asking for too much. You see the thing about these four aspects is, we often and will find one or two aspects in many different people. And that alone may be enough to make us attracted to them or develop a crush on them. But really, that is not love at all. If we like a person because “he’s cute” or “the way she thinks”, that’s just us liking the body and/or mind aspect of a person. The reality is, we are always going to meet many people who possess these different aspects of mind, heart, body or soul. But on a rare occasion when you do meet someone who possess all these four aspects.. you’ll almost definitely know that he or she is not one of many but may just be the one. So personally, I won’t settle for anything less unless she possess more than three qualities. You know people write the symbol of love as < 3 (less than three), I actually think love should be more than three.. I define it as 4+1. “
“So what’s plus one?” she asked, still not looking at me.
“Plus one…” I trailed off – unconsciously.
“Matt?” she placed her hand on top of mine, finally looking me in eye again.
“Plus one.. is something only the one who's meant to be will ever know and hold the answer to”.
end.
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Some time Feb, I experimented writing in a different way.
I wrote a story.. 4+1.
It's a story that took me more than a month to 'finish' writing. It's a story that's personally very close to my heart - then and will always be.
Truth be told, it was a story written as a confession and answer.
To you who've followed and related to 4+1, I thank you for reading and allowing me to share this intimate chapter with you.
If you'd like to read my future writing, you can follow my facebook if you want to.
Love,
Matthew Zachary Liu
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