由始至終的性格和價值觀沒有變過,但女性朋友 (很多已經不是朋友) 對我的看法卻是「兩極」。
再說一次,女性對我的看法兩極。
強調,不是「不同」意見那麼簡單,而是兩極到盡頭的評價。
看到這裏,有共鳴的男人應該不少。「好多女人覺得我衰到貼地,但有啲又會覺得我善解人意。」
兩極的結論是怎樣形成的?都是男人的習性所累。
什麼是男人的習性?Perhaps a lot of us do not even realise this,但我們看到女生的第一眼已經會在她們頭上蓋上一個印章:easy 或 difficult。
對,女人有深度,她們可能有九十幾個印章去分類男人,但男人就只有這兩個去分類女人:easy 或 difficult。
Easy 的女人覺得男人衰到貼地,因為男人 (或者任何人類) 都不會在 easy 的事情上花太多心機;Difficult 的女人覺得男人善解人意,因為男人對這些女人存有格外的尊重。
兩個簡單的英文字有什麼含義就不必贅言了,但我想先說 easy 和 difficult 的共通點在哪裏。
當男人一旦為你蓋上印章,無論是 easy 還是 difficult,你都沒有可能從那個分類走出來。意思是,定了型就是定了型。
如果女士突然嘗試由 easy 變 difficult,男人心裏的第一句便會是:「慳啲啦。」如果女士突然嘗試由 difficult 變 easy,男人心裏的第一句便會是:「發達喇。」前者屢有發生,後者只會在男人的夢境出現。
重點:如何成為一個 difficult 的女人?
我認識一個 difficult 的女人,我可以嘗試形容她是怎樣的。
她是性感的。
女人喜歡自己性感,男人更喜歡女人性感。站在鏡子前面,當女人看到自己的性感,自信便自然流露。站在男人面前,當男人看到她的性感,如果她是真正的性感,男人會欣賞、尊重、陶醉。
真性感?那豈不是有假性感?當然有,暴露便是假性感。
看到你暴露,男人只會背著你評論你的身材,一定一定一定不會用 sexy 形容你。暴露等於 trying too hard,而 trying too hard 的女人是不會 sexy 的。暴露只是一個 metaphor,投懷送抱隨傳隨到要生要死等等都是「暴露」的同義詞,if you know what I mean。
簡單一件 off shoulder,配一對「吊吊」耳環,稍稍展顏一笑,便是性感。
對於性感的女人,男人不敢褻玩,只會遠觀,而就在男人遠觀的時候,女人突然碰一碰他的手,他便會有觸電的感覺。
觸電不是因為你的手很滑,不是因為他覺得你在挑逗,而是因為認定了你是 difficult。
今時今日你覺得碰一碰手便能滿足一個男人是天方夜談,只是因為你不夠性感。
她是 random 的。
唔好意思,要用英文表達,因為中文好像沒有一個完全相對的字。所謂 random,不是隨意,反而是有意,只是這種有意不按章法,讓人覺得是隨意。
所謂不按章法,不代表沒有章法,只是這種忠於你自己的套路,不是很多人可以理解。
呢個布袋幾靚,幾錢?「好似百幾蚊,曼谷市集買,本來可以再講價。」件衫個綠色幾 sharp,幾錢?「求其走入一間舖頭買,唔記得幾錢,淨係幾得唔畀碌卡,因為少過一百蚊。」
條牛仔褲幾襯你,幾錢?這次她沒有答得太爽快,還裝作聽不到問題。幾錢,再追問。「兩萬幾。」
事後她解釋,喜歡這條褲,因為有安全感。「好舒服,著咗等於冇著,但你又知佢存在,好似一個保鑣咁,盡量唔畀你見到,但有需要嗰陣佢連子彈都會幫你擋。」
很奇怪的比喻,卻有一種忠於自己的套路;兩萬蚊買個保鑣,連我也突然覺得化算。
想說,她喜歡什麼不喜歡什麼都源於自己的想法,不受世俗的價值觀影響。
她是講究的。
買一部車,她不會問其他人想法。你硬是要給她意見,於是問:「你嘅 budget 係?」唔超過半年人工啦。然後她在烈日下一路向前走,你在後面追得費力。終於追上了,你便對她說:「等我介紹幾架車畀你。」唔使啦,我知道自己要咩。
然後她突然停下腳步,走入一家車行,眼定定看著一部 Range Rover Evoque,說:「我要的是這一部。」
她並不是故意避開一些大路的品牌,只是她喜歡的東西不是一般庸脂俗粉喜歡的東西。
「你覺得呢架車靚唔靚?」她看著這部 Evoque,終於肯問你意見。
「靚,」你認為附和她是最安全的答案。
「唔係靚咁簡單囉,」她好像自言自語,「係有味道,你明唔明?」
「明,」你說,用鼻子大力索一索真皮座位的氣味,「我聞到,好香。」
「唔係呢啲味道呀,」她跳上司機位,「你知唔知就算張曼玉遲三十年出世,佢都做唔到今日嘅靚模。」
「知,」你感到這個 dialougue 越來越深,但你死撐扮明,「遲三十年真係唔得,起碼要遲四十年。」
「因為你望住張曼玉,」她下車,開始欣賞這部 Evoque 的線條,明顯沒有理會你,「你會見到分明嘅輪廓裏面,有一種孤獨同反叛。」
你悄悄看著這部 Evoque,竟然也開始看得見她看的東西。「你知唔知乜嘢叫做氣派?」她給你最後一道題目。
「高貴嘅內涵,冷傲嘅表情,英氣嘅眼神。」你說完之後,她驚訝的看著你良久,最後點頭微笑,exactly。
總會有人說,既然是喜歡,投懷送抱有什麼不妥?兩個人之間相愛,是不應該玩什麼 mind game 的。
智者說:mind game 背後,就是要告訴世人, small things matter,because they form the big picture。
#RangeRoverEvoque #HelloEvoque
sharp mind 中文 在 我的ivf试管婴儿の日记 Facebook 的最佳貼文
从老公的角度看试管婴儿疗程
当一对夫妻要做 #IVF试管疗程时,做丈夫的应该用什么态度来面对?常常有网友告诉我说,我的老公精子不好,可是他还是不能戒烟戒酒,好不配合。要知道,不孕症不只是女人的责任,男人也是有责任。这篇文章,是以男人的角度出发,里面分享身为丈夫应该如何帮助太太一起度过疗程,文章是英文内容,是奥莉爸爸写的,奥莉爸不会中文。分享给大家😊
IVF Journey, A Husband’s Perspective
Hi all, before reading further I would like to say this is NOT an instruction or tips for IVF and hopefully readers will understand my poorly written English. This is my journey as a father of the IVF baby girl. Why am I sharing all this? It is because my wife had a Facebook page of her IVF journey at https://facebook.com/ivfjourney2015/ and she told me that majorities (not all but most) feedback indicate husband not supportive enough to commit into a journey of IVF. I’m not a true supportive husband either, least I made up my mind to make it happen.
Let’s start with “Why IVF?”
We went for a fertilization test and results with;
Husband: Teratospermia (Human language, sperm is weak for fertilization process)
Wife: Unexplained infertility (I think this is easy to understand, there is for the confirming reason for this result and we don’t go for further test after it because it will consumes too much time and money)
We married and planned to have children late 2011, both our ages were 37 in 2015 because of late marriage. My wife introduced IVF because she does not want to give up and feels regretful in future and so do I. Maybe because I did too many regretful things in the past, now I do not want this happened to my wife. At least I do it better then ignoring it.
Preparation for IVF
Financially, I know it will involve amount of 20k – 30k “Ringgit Malaysia” in the whole process depending on the situation and this is only one chance for me. I don’t have the money for a second attempt because I need to allocate funds for delivery if success.
Mentally, I do some studies/research on IVF. The whole journey took 50 days and in one of the process my wife needs to do a self-injection daily. I quickly asked my wife “Daily injection?! Do I need to fetch you to clinic daily to do this?” She answered “No, we need to do this ourselves”. A final question from me going to be “How?!” After we sat down and discuss, we comes into conclusion and I will do the injection for her. This was the most painful and nervous moment I ever experience by poking a needle to my wife’s belly EVERYDAY!
Lifestyle, 6 months earlier. My wife told me the NO’s, NO alcohol NO smoking NO midnight wandering NO stress. I said, I will fly up to the skies like butterfly if I able to do all the NO’s. It’s like a mission impossible. How can a man like me not go out to social with friends without alcohol and smoke? The joke was sleeping early! You want me to social with my friends in breakfast or lunch time? At this time, she softly said “I really wants to have a cute baby in future, it looks more like a family. Furthermore, I don’t want to have regretful moments in future”. All these words came out of my love (wife), her words melted in my heart deeply. I told her “Ok, we will go for it BUT you will need to promise me ONE IMPORTANT thing. No matter the process success or not we only have one attempt we need to accept the truth and live happily without regret in future.” she agreed.
Commitment, this is not some empty promise. I made a huge commitment to change my lifestyle into zero alcohol, tobacco and lesser stress. If comparing the pain and suffers my wife will take in this journey e.g., injection, medication effects, hormone changes and all the effects from pregnancies to delivery, mine looks more alike small potatoes (looks much more simple). Trust me guys, don't compare it, if you do and more likely you're going loose badly. For the sake of making a better future, I had fulfilled this commitment.
IVF Journey Phase 1 “Unskilled Husband Injection”
Day 1, doctor consults us for Buserelin injection. I need to inject this medication into my wife's belly each day sharp at 8AM. The nurse had guided me side by side to do the first injection.
Day 2, I started my first injection to my wife's belly without anyone guiding beside. Feels a bit nervous because this time I'm doing it all by myself. I try to hum some music to distract my wife's from looking at the needle while injecting but still she is looking at it.
Day 3 - Day 15, sometime the injection hurting and causes bleeding/bruise to her. I need to find a new spot to inject every time and sees her bruise makes my pain in the heart too. My injection skills improved dramatically. She even told me that she doesn't feel pain like the beginning stages.
Day 16, follow up 2nd checkup. Doctor said, everything goes smoothly and added another medication to inject called Gonal-F to take home and start injecting on day 23. This message never surprises me because I've been told earlier, but just that the price to pay for this medication is quite costly.
Day 17 - Day 22, nothing much on these days and we just stick on the plan as usual.
IVF Journey Phase 2 “Stressful Night”
Day 23, Gonal F injections start today. This needle doesn't look same as those earlier, it comes with medication in it and look like a pen.
Day 24 - Day 26, side effects of the Gonal F medications started. My wife is feeling irritation at the injection site, fullness, bloating and tenderness in the lower abdomen due to the increasing size of the ovaries. Her mood changes dramatically as I can tell, but she endures it and tell me she can handle it.
Day 27, follow up 3rd checkup. Doctor said wife has eggs total of 12 and is ready for Transvaginal oocyte retrieval "Human language, Egg retrieval" at day 31.
Day 28 - Day 29, final injection of Gonal F. At day 29 night, I inject Ovidrel to wife belly to that causes the growth and release of a mature egg (ovulation) for day 31.
Day 30, resting whole day. Finally, we had a day without injection and worrying about holding any needles. Today we wondering about the egg growth, not knowing will the eggs grow more or still the same amount of 12.
Day 31, egg retrieval. 8 egg success retrieves and I give out my sperm for oocytes selection on the same day. Wife given cyclogest for oval protection after the egg retrieval.
IVF Journey Phase 3 “Hopeful Embryo Culture & Embryo Transfer”
Day 32 - Day 35, rest at home. We had pillow talk every night concerning about the growth of an embryo. We also look at sample growth stages of an embryo from the web to see what the current growth stage is.
Day 36, another hopeful and nervous morning. Doctor tells us the result of embryo culture as below;
Total Embryo Retrieve: 8
Embryo Qualified for ICSI: 6
Embryo Success until Cleavage Stage (Day 2 – Day 4): 3
Embryo Success until Blastocyst Stage (Day 5): 2
Embryo Qualified / Recommended for Transfer: 1
Both our eyes looked at each other, knowing only 1 Blastocyst Embryo available to transfer and doctor tell the same after it. I really do not know how to express both our feelings into words here, as we expected to have at least 2 Blastocyst out of 8 embryos and only left 1. We both agreed to proceed this only 1 Blastocyst transfer as this is the only choice we had. It's more likely walking on a 100ft tall string with no supports mission, a single error will fail the mission.
After the transfer process, wife given a room to rest for few hours. A nurse came and give us adjunctive medications, injections and advice while resting at room.
IVF Journey Phase 4 “The Final Moment of IVF”
Day 37 - Day 49, after the transfer. This period is known as 2WW (2 Weeks Wait) with adjunctive medications, injections and be very careful. I just let her sleep/rest more on the bed, I served her every meal in the room. We're also nervous and curious about pregnancy results on day 44, we tested with cheap pregnancy tester and get got a double line on it and we do have a little hope and joy with this result. On day 47, again we test, but this time with expensive pregnancy tester and the results double line again! We're so hopeful and happy at this moment. We really hope this result is true until the next checkup.
Day 50, final checkup. My wife goes for the hCG test by giving a sample of blood, we waited 2 hours for the results. While waiting, nurse guide us to a room to rest. Wife slept and I sat beside concerned on the hCG test results. 2 hours later, the doctor invited us to look for him. Before doctor speaks, while we are sitting down, my wife's eyes were starring in the hCG results number and she spotted the hCG number is 452. She smiles happily while doctor tells her "You are pregnant and congratulations! Come back after 2 weeks to scan for baby heartbeats. And please go out to the counter and ring the bell!”
Just Sharing My Thoughts
By all means, I’m not bragging about my success. I would like to say if anyone is planning on IVF, teamwork is very important and husband play a very important role to increase the success rate. Sometimes, I do feel like a spectator than a participant myself because I never experience any of the medical exams but this is not true. Every injection I put on her belly, I feel the pain in my heart as bad as she has on the belly. Ok, nothing much to share in this IVF journey and next time I might be sharing another journey as a Father! Here is my little baby girl Facebook page奥莉 Olivia Baby - 梁童心心 https://fb.me/oliviababylove if you wish to see her growth updates.
End.
#ivf #ivfmalaysia #ivfjourney #baby #alphafertility
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