《吉爾.拜登的築家智慧(終)》
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九.母親退位
1988年拜登腦部出現動脈瘤,不論在緊急手術或術後復健時期,都必須要有人出面為拜登人生大小事做計劃佈局。
正當拜登家族人員圍桌相爭給出自己的建議時,她想起婆婆曾經告訴她的一句話,
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『Husbands and wives had a special obligation beyond the rest of the family.』
(❤️夫妻之間有一種特別的責任高於其他家庭成員。)
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因此,吉爾挺身而出與先生共體時艱,她不僅掌管拜登的大小事務,也對丈夫的醫療方式做決策。
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過了多年之後,不幸地吉爾三十多歲的長子博也得了癌症,在兒子護理照顧上等諸多事宜,她很難不干涉,她想要聽醫生的建言,幫兒子做決定。但她又憶起婆婆當年放手將為母親權責全然交託給她的智慧,痛徹心扉地體悟到要求母親放手及退居次位的心情有多麼不容易。
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『For so many years throughout my son's childhood, I had taken his temperature, I had given him his medicine, I had nursed him back to health. It was me he came to when he broke his arm or cut his leg. The doctors turned to me to ask if I wanted him to have stitches, a splint, and antibiotic. And now, in the greatest struggle of his life, I wanted to sit the doctors down and demand to know our options. Who else could know better what he needed? Who else could make those decisions other than someone who had watched him grow up? But there was only on answer: Hallie. She was his wife.
It wasn't my job anymore-it wasn't my place. It hurt like hell, but that's the way of it. Our roles within our families change and shift and evolve, and we have to learn to let go.』
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(❤️兒子多年的孩童時光,是我為他量體溫、餵他吃藥、親自照顧他康復。當他扭傷了肘、割破了腳,他總是奔向我。醫生替他縫補、包紮、敷藥,還會先詢問我的意見。此刻,他正跟生命搏鬥時,我仍希望能與醫生好好一起坐下來聽聽我們的選擇。只是除了看著兒子長大的我之外,還有誰比我知道兒子的需求?還有誰能替代我做出這些決定?答案唯有:哈莉,他的老婆。
這再也不是我的職責了,這裡已經容不下我。我感覺像被打入地獄,但這卻是必經的。我們在家中的每個角色都在改變、轉換、輪替,我們必須學會放手。)
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成為婆婆及祖母後的吉爾,知道自己於家中的地位必須轉換,且時時刻刻顧慮到家庭成員中每個人的需要,學著退讓、妥協及放手。如此一來才得以保持大家庭的和諧圓滿。
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雖然父母在孩子生命中曾經是主要角色,卻不是永遠。放手讓孩子為自己做決策,你沒有權責干涉,只能祈禱祝福 。這處境再心酸難過,都得保持冷靜、沉穩;並要懂得適時遞上一則智慧的建議或是給予一個適時地擁抱。
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『A part of us wants our children to always need us, always be around, always prefer our sock-folding, or always think we are the most important people in their lives. But we know that would mean they weren't growing or living their fullest lives. Success in parenthood means preparing your children to go out into the world and leave you behind. You try to give your kids everything so that one day they will give their kids everything. I think it's a little bit heartbreaking for parents when they realize they have to take a back seat in the life of someone they love so much, but in the end, it's a small price to pay for their happiness.』
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(❤️我們有時會希望孩子永遠需要我們,永遠在身邊,永遠比較喜歡我們折的襪子,一直視我們為一生中最重要的人。 但是那意味著孩子並沒有長大或是生活過得並不圓滿。 成功父母的真義是確保孩子能全副武裝做好準備去面對外面的世界,他能完全與妳脫離。 而當妳嘗試將一切給孩子,他們有一天也會毫無保留地為他們孩子付出。 我承認當父母意識到自己必須在摯愛的生活中退居次位時,這有點令人心碎,但是為了他們全然的幸福,妳必須付出小小的犧牲。)
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十. 永遠相互扶持的家人
長子博因腦癌逝世之後,吉爾一度陷入沮喪,置身晦暗的低潮。周遭的親朋好友認為她會像過去一樣堅強挺過傷痛並讓家人的心再度癒合,怎奈她喪子的破口太大,破碎的她已無能力再次修補這家庭。她感到無助及孤單,比誰都需要力量。
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此時,一則"長湯匙"的寓言故事,讓她警醒。
有個男人請上帝帶他去參觀天堂及地獄。上帝給他看了兩個房間。第一個房間一群飢餓病弱的人圍繞在桌邊,中間有一大鍋香味四溢的湯,每個人手上都有一根長湯匙,但湯匙實在是太長了,他們根本無法喝到湯,飽受折磨的靈魂再怎麼努力都只是徒勞,這房間叫做「地獄」。另外的一間房間,同樣的場景、一樣的桌子、一樣的湯、一樣的超長湯匙,但用餐的人卻正滿足地將滿滿的湯倒入旁人的嘴裡,而這房間叫做「天堂」。
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『In hell, we starve alone. In heaven, we feed each other.』
(❤️在地獄,我們獨自飢餓。在天堂,我們餵飽彼此。)
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吉爾再也無法隱藏在黑暗中舔舐傷口,那無法使之癒合。當她已意識到自己不像表象中堅強時,要懂得釋出自身脆弱,並敞開胸懷坦然學著接受家人的關懷及幫助。
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不論是選擇或被選擇,血緣或非血緣,只要能真心彼此相伴之人皆能成為家人,在任何時刻我們都需要依偎扶持、相互照顧,唯有一途,才能好好地存活下來。
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『We are broken and bruised, but we are not alone. We rejoice together. We preserve together. We walk hand in hand through the twists and turns, and when we can't walk, we let ourselves be carried. It is the gift we give; our strength, our vulnerability, our faith in each other. We know we cannot heal ourselves, but we can lean on each other; we can lift each other up.
This is what makes us family. This is where the light enters.』
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(❤️雖然我們曾如此破碎且身負傷痕,但我們並不孤單。 只要我們聚在一起便感到歡樂且珍惜。 我們攜手走過人生的曲折,直到無力行走時,我們會扛著彼此。我們給出的力量、脆弱及信仰,那皆是美好的饋贈。縱使傷痕無法自行癒合,但我們可以彼此依偎,相互打氣。
正因此我們成了家人,那是光芒映照之處。)
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#家庭主婦讀書會
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😘如果妳有從讀書會裡得著智慧,歡迎大家分享和按讚👍,也歡迎大家留言分享妳的想法。
同時也有1部Youtube影片,追蹤數超過15萬的網紅pennyccw,也在其Youtube影片中提到,When it was time for Detroit to get back into the game or allow Philadelphia to even their playoff series, Chauncey Billups took over. Billups ma...
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take out stitches 在 9bulan10hari Facebook 的最佳貼文
TIPS JAGA LUKA BERSALIN.
LUKA JAHITAN BERSALIN
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Disebabkan jahitan pt saya terbuka pada hari ke 9 berpantang, saya rasa baik saya share benda yg patut ibu2 jaga untuk make sure jahitan betul2 sembuh pada waktunya, harap2 tak jadi mcm pt saya ni, ada gap pada benang tu. Tak kena jahit balik tapi seram la, dah xlawa cik bunga kita 🤭
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1. Cuci luka - sila lah baring. Lepas settle mandi/buang air, lap kering2 pakai tisu gulung/tuala, lepastu ambik masa baring dan anginkan luka sebelum letak ubat kuning dlm 5min. Lepas letak ubat kuning, anginkan lg 5min. Saya beli kipas kecik senang nak keringkan tmpt jahitan. Hair dryer boleh tp bising sgt bunyi dia.
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2. Spray bottle - beli dkt kedai 2hinggit je botol spray kecik. Isi ubat kuning, nak guna spray je. Spray banyak, biar bahagian dlm lipatan jahitan tu pun kena. Ubat kuning kalau habis boleh mintak lg dkt KK. Kalau pakai kapas dab dab, kadang2 tak kena tempat luka tu, mcm saya la mula2. Beriya letak rupanya tak kena pun tempatnya. Tahu2 benang atas dah hilang.
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3. Kurangkan berjalan ttp boleh bersenam - semestinya. Kalau perlu sgt, tolonglah kepit mcm tak bagi emas terlepas dari kepitan kaki. Lagi rapat kepit, lagi cepat daging cantum elok.senaman kegel pon menggalakkan peredaran darah ke tempat luka ,luka lagi cepat sembuh~ uolss tao x senaman kegel camane?? Xtao pm tepi..hihihi
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4. Tukar pad - tukar 2 -4 jam sekali. Kira dapat lagi selalu anginkan jahitan tu. kalau anak meragam, buatlah kerap mana yg mampu. Tapi jgn tunggu 5-6 jam, cepatlah melecet nanti, tak masuk kuman lg apa semua. Please elak.
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5. Vitamin C, zinc - ambiklah extra vit c. Macam saya tak boleh mkn oren sunkist tu sbb perut meragam, saya ambik vit c tambahan utk bantu pulih luka. Beli je ,asalkan kita cepat baik. Yg boleh mkn oren, lagi baik. Cepat kering.
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6. Air garam - ada kata garam ni cepatkan benang reput, ada kata cepatkan cantum luka, mcm2 org kata. So buatlah at least sekali sehari. Air garam pun saya masuk spray bottle senang terus spray je lps buang air. Kalau dpt buat sitz bath lg better.berendam ~
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7. Buang air - elak sembelit ye. Minum air cukup, makan buah & sayuran hijau & kalsium juga boleh mengelakkan sembelit ~ kalau susah nak kinum susu,ambik je OSTEOMATRIX kalsium . Sembelit mmg akan kacau tmpat jahitan tu, takut terbuka. Jgn teran2 sgt ye.
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Ni je basic penjagaan luka jahitan yg misi boleh share. Yang tambah manjakani, asam keping etc tu optional, ikut keyakinan diri. Saya tak buat & tak sarankan sbb tahap kebersihan bahan2 tersebut diragui juga & sbb takut jadi jangkitan jugak. Sekian.
Kredit : Noor Shafinah Mamat.
Buat papa mama yg nak ilmu kehamilan - kelahiran - berpantang - mendidik anak2 & penyusuan susu ibu boleh klik link ini utk dptkannya ya : ebook.9bulan10hari.com 😍
TIPS TO TAKE CARE OF THE WOUND.
SEWING WOUND GIVE BIRTH
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Due to my pt stitching open on the 9th day of confinement, I feel good to share things that mothers should take care of to make sure the stitches will be healed in time, hopefully it won't be like my pt, there's a gap on Don't need to be sewed again but it's scary, our miss flower is no longer
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1. Wash wounds - please lie down. After finishing the bath / urinating, wipe it dry with roll tissue / towel, then take the time to lie down and wind the wound before putting the yellow medicine in 5 min. After putting the yellow medicine, wind up another 5 min. I bought a small fan, easy to dry the stitching place. Hair dryer is fine but the sound is so noisy.
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2. Spray bottles - bought at the shop for only 2 ringgit bottles of small spray. Fill up the yellow medicine, just spray it. Spray a lot, even the inside of the stitching folds are also affected. If the yellow medicine runs out can be asked again from KK. If you wear cotton and dab, sometimes you don't get the wounded place, just like me at first. It's fun to put it in the place. You know that the top thread is gone.
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3. Reduce walking but still can exercise - of course. If you really need it, please squeeze it as if you don't give gold away from the leg cl The closer the clip, the faster the meat combines the better. Even kel exercise promotes blood circulation to wounded, wounds heal quickly ~ uolss tao x exercise kel camane?? No one pm at the side.. hihihi
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4. Change pad - change 2-4 hours once. Counting the stitches always wind up. If your child is squeezing, do what you can do often. But don't wait 5-6 hours, quickly scratched later, no more germs. Please avoid.
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5. Vitamin C, zinc - take extra vitamin c. Like I can't eat the sunkist orange because my stomach is squeezing, I take additional vitamin c to help heal the wound. Just buy, as long as we get well soon. Those who can eat orange, the better. Dry fast.
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6. Salt water - there's a word that this salt makes the thread rotting faster, there's a word that quickly combines wounds, many people say So do it once a day. Even salt water I spray bottle easy just spray it after urinating. It's better to make sitz bath. soaking up ~
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7. Poop - avoid constipation. Drinking enough water, eating green fruits & vegetables & calcium can also prevent constipation ~ if it's difficult to drink milk, just take OSTEOMATRIX calcium. Constipation will really disturb the stitching place, afraid it will be open. Don't push too much.
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This is the only basic care of stitching wounds that the mission can be shared. Those who add manjakani, acid chip etc are optional, according to self-confidence. I didn't do it & wouldn't recommend because the hygiene level of the ingredients is also doubted & because I'm afraid That's it.
Credit: Noor Shafinah Mamat.
For papa mama who wants pregnancy - birth - abstinence - educating children & breastfeeding mother's milk can click this link to get it: ebook.9bulan10hari.com 😍Translated
take out stitches 在 蘇浩 Anthony So Facebook 的精選貼文
網上又有「藍能否變黃」的第N回討論。其實當然有成功例子啦。
被催淚彈殻射到爆缸仍記掛著翌日能否帶女友和未來外母去旅行。這是個可歌可泣的愛情故事。
Crowdfunding for the project《Wounds of Hong Kong 港傷》https://bit.ly/2WuNqw2
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*for English please scroll down
雄仔(化名) 護士 31歲
2019年11月8日深夜,雄仔與女朋友路過旺角惠豐中心,遇上市民與防暴警對峙。他倆看見警察有異動,正想離開現場,但警方已開始發射催淚彈。彈殻擦過雄仔的頭部,即時血流如注,留下3cm的縫針疤痕。
「講起就激氣(光火),在前線受傷我反而開心。」當時旺角街頭有防暴警察列陣,市民向他們叫罵,「都係『撚狗』(調侃警察)。」然而「撚狗」會令警察暴怒,繼而報復,「現在他們把催淚彈當子彈用啦。」雄仔褂彩,同為護士的女朋友嚇得哭了,但他仍然冷靜,心想:「仆街了(靠)!明天還能飛嗎?」
因為參與抗爭,加上工時長,雄仔自6月以來都沒有好好陪伴女朋友,「她也是黃絲,覺得不應該拿這些事來詐型(發難),藏在心裏,但你會感受到她的不滿。」計劃已久的小旅行算是補償,還要帶著未來外母同遊,「始終是女孩,需要陪伴、關心,要有拍拖活動。」他去醫院縫針後,翌日按計劃出發。
雄仔的女友和家人知道他有上街遊行,卻不知道他是「家長」,助養了9名只有10幾歲的「子女」。8月18日的大型遊行,他到達終點後轉入夏愨道,看看有何事發生,「有人呼召社工,有個小朋友在哭、嚷著要自殺,因為屋企是藍絲。我想,我應該可以幫忙。」雄仔就此成為「家長」。子女又介紹其他子女,漸漸膝下承歡。
除了提供情緒支援,雄仔也為子女提供零用錢,「『文具』 好貴,我常叫他們以安全為先,有事就棄裝,再買過。」「仔女都好生性。要把塞錢偷偷攝入gear(抗爭裝備),怕他們不肯要。」「文具」就是防毒面具和濾罐,每套大約1000港元,「我有工作,可以撐住,只是花了積蓄,對不起女友啦。」至今他已花了6、7萬元在子女身上,「她知道我花了1000元都肉赤到死(心疼得要死),怎敢跟她說?」
需要接濟的少年很多來自建制家庭,因為政見而被斷糧草、甚至斷六親。 若雄仔晚生十幾年,他很可能是其中之一,「我爸是紅底。自細他就跟我說票投民建聯(親北京政黨),不然就脫離父子關係。」2016年立法會新界東補選,他仍是投民建聯的周浩鼎,2014年雨傘運動當然沒有參與,「之前的抗爭關於政制,可能我未感受到對人生自由有重大威脅。實行雙普選需要時間,香港社會始終未成熟。」直到政府強推《逃犯條例》修訂,他才感到刀刃在脖子上,「明明是一國兩制, 可以引渡逃犯,就會造成破窗。事事都要跟大陸接軌,要引入計分制(社會信用評分制度)嗎?」怕中港區隔蕩然無存。
在2019年11月的區議會選舉,雄仔首次「倒戈」,「大氣候是分顏色(政治立場)投票。我也不相信泛民主派,不信有救世主,但我就是要建制派輸。雖然我仍然覺以地區事務而言,建制派做到的比反對派多。」因為官僚樂於賣人情予建制派。雄仔有個親戚曾購買私煙,遇著海關放蛇,因為數量頗多,有轉售的嫌疑,房屋署以從事非法勾當為理由,想收回他的公屋單位。後來由建制派區議員出面求情,才得以過關,「如果找泛民議員幫手,房署不會給他面子。」
雄仔與家人住在狹小的公屋單位,因為要收藏大量「文具」,近月已搬到朋友家中。他與女友關係穩定,卻未想過同居,「租金貴,如果可以搬出來,就可以結婚啦。」「我女友很依賴、很需要照顧。待這件事(抗爭)完結再談吧,不然應付不了。她去旅行連目的地都不知道,帶行李去機場就是了。我計劃好行程,她便跟著我走。」
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Hung(alias) 31 years old Nurse
In the middle of the night of November 8th, 2019, Hung and his girlfriend passed by Wai Fung Plaza in Mongkok and stumbled upon a confrontation between citizens and the riot police. The police fired tear gas bombs when the two started to leave. Hung was hit by a bullet case on his head, leaving a three-centimeter long scar.
“I get so mad every time I talk about this incident. It would have been worthwhile if I was injured at the frontline in a protest,” said Hung. At the time, there were riot police on the streets of Mong Kok. The public was yelling and having arguments with them. That made the police angry, so they retaliated. “Nowadays, the riot police use tear gas bombs as bullets,” said Hung. Hung’s girlfriend, a nurse, was crying from fear when he was hit. However, Hung was calm, only worrying about if he would need to cancel their trip for the day after.
Because of his participation in protests and long working hours, Hung hadn’t spent much time with his girlfriend since June. “She is also a pro-democracy supporter so she understands and never complains, but I knew she was upset about me not spending enough time with her. The get-away trip we had planned was considered to be ‘compensation’ for her. We were also taking my future mother-in-law with us. As a girl, I understand she wants company, care, and time from her boyfriend,” said Hung. After getting stitches at the hospital for his wound, Hung went on the trip.
Hung’s girlfriend and his family know that he participates in protests, but they don’t know he is also a “parent” who helps “raise” 9 teenagers. On the protest on August 18th, he was at Harcourt Road after the end of the protest. He heard someone calling for a social worker. A kid was crying and saying he wanted to commit suicide because his parents are pro-establishment supporters. Hung thought he could do something to help. That’s how he became a “parent” and ended up helping more kids.
In addition to providing emotional support, Hung also helps them financially by giving them money. “ ‘Stationery’ is expensive. I always remind them that safety is the first priority. They should leave their gear behind if they need to run. They can always repurchase their gear. These are good kids, and they don’t always accept my offers, so I need to secretly hide money into their gear for them,” said Hung. The ‘stationery’ is actually protective gear like gas masks and filter canisters. Each set costs approximately HK$1,000. “I have a job, so I can afford them. I spent my savings, so it made me feel bad for my girlfriend, as I didn’t tell her exactly how much I had spent on the kids,” said Hung. Until now, Hung had already spent over HK$60,000 to HK$70,000.
Most of the kids Hung helps are from pro-establishment families. Having different political views, these kids don’t get support from their families and are left with no money and no place to stay. Hung thinks if he were born ten years later, he could have been one of these kids. “My father is an extreme Beijing-backed establishment supporter. He has told me to vote for Democratic Alliance for the Betterment (DAB), a pro-Beijing party since I was a kid. Otherwise, he would disown me,” said Hung. Up until the 2016 New Territories East by-election in the Legislative Council, he still voted for DAB’s Chow Ho-ding, Holden. Of course, he didn’t participate in the Umbrella Movement in 2014. He said the previous protests were about the political system, so he might not have felt a major threat to his freedom then. “It took time to implement universal suffrage, and Hong Kong wasn’t ready.” It wasn’t until the government forced the revision of the “Fugitive Offenders Ordinance” that he finally realized, “If the one country two systems could extradite the fugitives, this change would become a breaking point, with everything in line with the mainland China.”
In the November 2019 District Council election, it was Hung’s first time he didn’t vote for the DAB, “Voters voted based on their political stance. I don’t believe the pan-democrats but I don’t want the pro-establishment parties to win either. Although I still feel that in terms of local affairs, the pro-establishment parties had done more,” said Hung, since the bureaucrats are willing to give favors to the pro-establishment parties. For example, a relative of Hung was caught buying illegal cigarettes, he was suspected of reselling them. The Housing Department wanted to take back his public housing unit on the grounds of engaging in illegal activities. Later, it was the district councilor of the pro-establishment party that helped resolve the issue.
Hung and his family live in a tiny public housing unit, which doesn’t allow him to keep all the ‘stationery’ there, so he moved in with his friend. But he never thought about moving in with his girlfriend. “Rent is expensive. If we could afford to move out, we would get married. She is very dependent and needs to be taken care of. We will wait and talk about marriage later until the civil rights protests are over,” said Hung.
攝 photo:高仲明 Ko Chung Ming
文 text:蔡慧敏 Choi Wai Man
譯 translate:Joanna Ng
take out stitches 在 pennyccw Youtube 的最讚貼文
When it was time for Detroit to get back into the game or allow Philadelphia to even their playoff series, Chauncey Billups took over.
Billups made two clutch 3-pointers. He hit a nice fadeaway, and sank a couple of foul shots.
By the time Billups finished scoring 10 straight points for the Pistons in the final 3:05 of regulation, the 76ers' lead was gone -- and so might have been their shot at making this a long series.
Billups scored 12 of his 25 points in the fourth quarter, Rasheed Wallace hit a couple of 3-pointers in overtime and Detroit overcame an inspired effort by Allen Iverson to go up 3-1 in its first-round series with a 97-92 win over the Sixers on Sunday.
"It seemed like the tide was turning, nothing was really going good for us," Billups said. "I wasn't really making too many shots. I wanted to try. If I'm going to go down, I'm going to go down fighting.
"Shots just started going for me and we started to run a couple of plays for me."
The Pistons survived another scare from Philadelphia, and headed home with a chance to wrap up their playoff series. Game 5 is Tuesday in Detroit.
"The guys competed their guts out. They just got beat by the best team in the world," said Sixers coach Jim O'Brien.
After Billups carried the Pistons in a frantic finish to the fourth quarter, Wallace hit a decisive 3-pointer with 1:29 left in OT. Richard Hamilton hit a runner on the baseline with 14.5 seconds left, then sealed the win with a couple of free throws.
"Those were good shots from myself, Rip and Chauncey," Wallace said. "I'd take those shots any day."
Wallace's 3 came right after Chris Webber hit a 3-pointer and Iverson made two free throws, tying the game 90-all.
"He told me to come to him because he was feeling it," Hamilton said. "He knocked down a big shot for us."
Rasheed Wallace had 17 points and Ben Wallace added 12 points and 12 rebounds for the Pistons, who bounced back from a Game 3 loss Friday night.
Tayshaun Prince, who added 17 points, went down briefly at the end of the third quarter with a mildly sprained right ankle, but returned to the game. He was listed as day-to-day.
Iverson again did his best to carry the Sixers, scoring 36 points on 14-for-24 shooting with eight assists.
Webber added 23 points, including several key baskets in the third and fourth quarters. Samuel Dalembert had 15 rebounds.
Iverson did all he could in going over 30 points for the third time in the series, including a running halfcourt shot down the left side to end the first quarter and a jumper with 28.3 seconds left in regulation that gave the Sixers a short-lived 82-80 lead.
"I could feel bad, and I do, but I feel real good about our effort," Iverson said. "I feel real good about my teammates."
Billups answered Iverson's final 3 in regulation with a 3-pointer from the corner that gave the Pistons an 83-82 lead with 22 seconds left.
Billups, though, got a little too aggressive and fouled Willie Green, sending the 78 percent free throw shooter to the line with 3.1 seconds left. Green missed the first and hit the second to tie the game.
"I was just concentrating on trying to sink it, but, unfortunately, I came up short on a free throw that could have won the game for us," said Green, who left the game briefly in the second quarter to get eight stitches over his left eye.
Rasheed Wallace missed a long jumper after Green's free throw, and the game went into overtime.
The 76ers had a nine-point lead with just over 6 minutes left.
With the lead going back and forth late in the fourth quarter, normally reserved Sixers chairman Ed Snider started acting more like Dallas owner Mark Cuban, leaping from his courtside seat and waving his arms while protesting a non-call.
Iverson made his boss feel better with a 3-pointer, but Billups came right back down with a 3 of his own, pulling the Pistons to 80-76 with 2:59 left.
"I was just waiting to run the offense and then I decided to be aggressive," Billups said. "Guys were finding me and shots were going down."
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