[書籍推薦]重磅經典-依附
#心理學革命性經典著作
#JohnBowlby
#1111好好買
兩段依戀的影片,改寫了英國醫院的陪床規定!
在20世紀40.50年代的英國,是規定父母不准陪床的,第一段影片是一位約莫3.4歲的小女孩,他住院大概七天,每天媽媽只能短暫探視,隨著時間推移,等到小女孩出院時,看到母女之間一大一小的背影,沒有親暱的互動,孤獨地走出醫院。
#這段影片改寫了英國陪床規定
第二段影片中的小男孩,他的媽媽即將生寶寶,小男孩在睡夢中被送到托兒所,早上睜開眼睛,旁邊都是陌生人,他嘗試吸引保母的注意,但保母有太多事要忙,小男孩的情感一直沒有被關注,後來就絕望了,當媽媽生產完到托兒所接他,他在媽媽懷裡扭動掙扎,彷彿母親是魔鬼,接受精神分析治療後,小男孩還是會莫名情緒不穩
#這段影片改變了英國的生育模式
依附者本書籍,再再提醒我們最原始也最親近的關係本質,當我們早年對孩子做出回應時,孩子會在不知情的情況下,感受接收著莫名的喜悅!而當我需要,就有人召喚來的經驗,在早年的點點滴滴中,漸形成孩子基本的安全感,這種安全感,讓孩子在低落沮喪時有家可以回,在高興喜悅時,都有家可以回,有人可以分享,且在內心中相信著「會有人關注我,相信我,支持我,回應我」
#無價的相信是基於無價的愛
踩在巨人的肩膀上,看見母嬰之間的關聯,是非常有趣且溫馨的;嬰兒從大約八個月大的時候,開始不罷休的爭奪父母的注意力,當他的身體可以移動,並且確認我和母親是不同客體時,焦慮會伴隨而來,而「是否被回應」的不安全感和脆弱也伴隨而來,嬰兒在父母身邊的第一個訊號是(Approach)跟隨、第二個訊號是(clinging)攀附,第三種是非營養性的抓握或吸吮乳頭(non-nutritional sucking or nipple-grasping)當主要照顧的人移動位置,他的感官就會開始搜尋。他會用爬行、拖著腳走、"奔跑(感覺好可愛)"極力地嘗試達到那個目標。在呼喚和回應之間,John Bowlby設置了不同地實驗,讓不同情境下的行為,自然地反應在親子互動中,進而進行彼此引發依附的了解。
#定向與訊號
#一來一往間
#建立了依附
就在他們發展出對外界人事物的敏感和界定期時,也間接引發了陌生人的恐懼和判別。這和未來的社交能力有極大的關聯,嬰兒在出生後的六個月,依附行為在嬰兒身上已經完全成熟。
#依附理論的跨時代意義
依附理論讓我們看見,早年的互動模式,在我們身上畫下的日日刻痕,卻也提供了有依據的素材,了解人類對愛的行為其來有自,對於如何表達愛,如何收愛,在行為組織背後,看見更寬廣的日積月累,包括從期待、失望、鼓起勇氣、再試一次、決定是否再相信、沮喪、無望,對世界拒絕(或相信)這條內在運作模式如何形成。這麼經典的書籍,提供給對依附有興趣的你,從日常人類的行為,可窺見一二,也從中了解照顧者對於依附對象,其實也有矛盾和焦慮,只要我們開始敏覺孩子、敏覺自己,就有機會 #給予彼此不一樣的回應,進而透過這段關係,茁壯彼此!
太經典不得不推,期待Bowlby #經典第二回 的說書紀錄吧!
#下一彈 #分離焦慮 #好書大家讀 #私藏經典不落遺珠
#小樹文化 #博客來雙11優惠
博客來網路書店連結:https://reurl.cc/n0AmGD
grasping中文 在 謙預 Qianyu.sg Facebook 的最佳貼文
【解開人生謎題的寶書】(English writing below)
「師姐,簽書號已經發完了耶!」
地點:台灣雷藏寺的大燈文化攤位。
我一手抓著根本上師聖尊蓮生活佛的新書《我所知道的佛陀:如是我聞》,一手拿著錢要付款。
「沒關係,師兄,沒有師尊的簽名,我還是想買這本書。」我微笑著回答,感謝他的熱心提醒。
我喜歡紙本書。家裡整堵牆的書架,都是師尊的書。
我甚少在雷藏寺買師尊的書。一般來說,師尊推出新書時,我都會在新加坡的紀伊國屋書店購買,希望藉此能推廣師尊的文集在寺廟以外的地方。用錢買書,也是我出點微薄之力,代表我對作者付出的支持。
有師尊簽書固然是錦上添花,但能不能開悟,還是需要自己的努力。
初聽師尊宣布這書名《我所知道的佛陀:如是我聞》時,我頓時倍感親切。
每個人信佛的起點都不一樣。有的人是因爲篤信觀世音菩薩,而皈依佛門,我則是因爲「南無本師釋迦牟尼佛」。
在大學佛學會時,我常去本地的一間斯里蘭卡佛寺參拜佛陀,繞菩提樹。好幾年的時間,我在那兒,向佛陀述說了很多、很多我的苦楚,我的煩惱,有時候邊說,邊繞菩提樹,繞了無數圈,就連第一次失戀,也在臥佛前哭了兩個小時。
那時,我不明白為什麼人家做人,我也做人,但我無論怎麼努力,卻特別的苦。我一直求佛陀告訴我:我爲什麼要活著?我爲什麼要來到人間?我要怎麼改命?
當然,在壇城上的佛陀怎麼會開口跟這「怨女」說話呢?
我把打工的錢存起來,買一尊佛像,拿去開光,安在書房內。後來媽媽因爲某事生我氣,趁我不在時,把佛像仍掉。我畢業就職後,又請了一尊。傻傻的我以為那兩尊都是釋迦牟尼佛,其實祂們都是「大日如來」。
我想,這應該是我五年後皈依師尊的因緣之一。
.
2013年,西雅圖雷藏寺開創一個新聞單元《如是我聞》,報導師尊的日常法教。小女子我自告奮勇拉著我師兄一起爲官網,把幾篇《如是我聞》翻譯成英文,回饋師尊的無私奉獻與教導。
從台灣飛回新加坡的航班上,我閱讀了師尊新書《我所知道的佛陀:如是我聞》兩個小時。
我忽然恍然大悟,十九年前,常跑到釋迦牟尼佛跟前訴苦的那個少女,原來佛陀真的聽到了她的哀求,沒有讓它落空。
理科班的我,從小就對這世界很好奇。家裡的百科全書,十年來,我從頭到尾都讀了至少百遍,但總覺得人要懂的知識,不該只有這些。
皈依師尊前,我曾讀過、聽過很多有名出家人的法語開示,無論是講中文或英文的。他們都講得很好,但是,唯有蓮生活佛的開示和文集,徹底的解除我自幼對於人生和宇宙的迷惑。
尤其是這本書。
原來在科學之外,還有這樣一個空間、一種能量和宇宙能力場存在著。
皈依學佛,就是學佛陀的教義,目的就是要成佛。
可怎樣的佛弟子,才是釋迦牟尼佛認可的弟子?
我們人要如何離苦得樂?如何去馴服自己狂野的心?如何從凡夫身回歸本來的面目?什麼又是原本的自己?
那天,師父問一位少女:「妳想學佛,那妳知道佛教教主是誰嗎?」
她已閱讀完師父在臉書2013年至2019年的文章,卻一個字都說不出。
切勿把佛法當成普通的人間知識來看待,更不要以學佛爲名,利用其知識賺錢做生意爲實。販賣如來,可是下地獄吞熾熱鐵丸、喝滾燙鐵汁之罪啊!
.
我去台灣前,師父交代過要我到台北101拍照,於是我就抱著師尊的書去。
玳瑚師父教過,台北101是現代版的文昌塔。
古時候,文昌已甚被重視,因爲利於讀書、功名和事業。在沒有某種形式的山脈時,就會建文昌塔(又稱文峰塔)來催旺文人輩出。
古代有文昌塔,現代有台北101。
古代有佛陀初傳四聖諦,現代有蓮生法王繼續的轉法輪。
而人呢?從古至今,仍然在醉生夢死中。
一般人要文昌,因爲追求功名。但我對人間的智慧,已意興闌珊。我要文昌,因爲希望早日開竅,拜託,不要那麽笨 ~~
無論你是剛接觸佛法,還是皈依許久的老弟子,如果你和我一樣追求生命的實相,這本書裡的般若智慧必會讓你大開眼界、讚歎連連。
你到底有多認識佛陀呢?
.
我大力推薦此書,可到以下書局網購,或到真佛般若藏免費閱讀電子書或聆聽有聲書:
1) 新加坡紀伊書店 - https://singapore.kinokuniya.com/bw/9789573052654
2) 台灣金石堂 - https://www.kingstone.com.tw/basics/basics.asp?kmcode=2012000022409&lid=common-index-billboard-all&actid=bookindex
3) 真佛般若藏 - https://www.tbboyeh.org/cht#/store
.....................
"Dharma Sister, the numbers for book signing have all been given out!"
Venue: Daden Culture book stall at Taiwan Lei Tsang Temple
I was holding on to "The Buddha I Know: Thus Have I Heard", the latest book by my Root Guru, His Holiness Living Buddha Lian Sheng, with my other hand grasping onto the cash, wanting to pay for the book.
"No problem, Dharma Brother. Without the autograph of Grandmaster, I would still wish to buy this book." I smiled in reply, thanking him for his friendly reminder.
I prefer reading from an actual book over an ebook. Back at home, I have one full wall of my Grandmaster's books on my bookshelves.
I rarely buy my Grandmaster's books from Lei Tsang temples. Usually, for His latest release, I would buy from Singapore Kinokuniya book store. It is my hope that this little gesture would help to boost sales at external bookstores, so that my Grandmaster's books can continue to be sold beyond the temples. To pay for it is my small token of appreciation and support for the author's effort.
To have my Grandmaster's autograph on the book is, of course, covetable, but whether the I can attain enlightenment is still dependant on my hard work.
When I first heard my Grandmaster announcing the book title "The Buddha I Know: Thus Have I Heard", I immediately felt a sense of closeness.
Everybody has a different starting point for believing in the Buddha. There are some people who are devoted to Guan Shi Yin Bodhisattva, and hence take refuge. For me, it was because of Shakyamuni Buddha.
During my NUS Buddhist Society days, I often visited a Sri Lanka Buddhist temple in Singapore. I would pay homage to Buddha and circumambulate the Bodhi tree. For many years, I would be at the temple regurgitating my troubles and sufferings to Buddha. Sometimes, I would circumambulate endless rounds around the Bodhi tree while being troubled. When my first relationship failed, I cried in front of the Sleeping Buddha for 2 hours.
At that time, I didn't understand why my life was tougher than other people, no matter how much effort I poured in. I kept pleading to Buddha for an answer. For what am I alive for? Why do I have to come to this mortal world? What can I do to improve my life?
Naturally, how could the Buddha that sat on the altar literally speak to this resentful girl?
With the money I scrimped and saved working part-time during my uni days, I bought a Buddha statue and after having it consecrated, I enshrined the statue in my study room. Once, when my mum was angry with me over some issue, she threw away the Buddha statue while I was out.
Upon graduation, I bought another Buddha statue. The silly me assumed that both statues are of Shakyamuni Buddha when in fact, they were of Mahāvairocana Buddha.
I guess this must be one affinity why I took refuge in my Grandmaster 5 years later.
In 2013, Seattle Lei Tsang Temple started a new column "Thus Have I Heard", reporting on the daily Dharma teachings of Grandmaster. Dragging the husband along, we volunteered to translate a few of the reports into English for the official website. It was our little way to repay Grandmaster for his selfless contributions and teachings.
Now you know why I took a liking to the book title almost immediately.
.
On the flight back from Taiwan, I read the book for about 2 hours.
I suddenly had a realisation. The young lady that cried and bemoaned her fate in front of Shakyamuni Buddha 19 years ago had her prayers answered after all. Buddha did hear her pleas and did not let her prayers go unfulfilled.
I was a Science student and since young, I was full of curiosity for this world. The encyclopaedia I had at home had been read at least 100 times over 10 years. But I had always felt that the knowledge humans need to know should be more than that.
Before taking refuge in Grandmaster, I had read, watched and listened to many Dharma discourses expounded by many famous Venerables, both in English and Chinese. They all explained the teachings of Buddha very well.
However, only Living Buddha Lian-Sheng could thoroughly answer my conundrums about life and this universe, through His Dharma discourses and books.
Dictionary
Especially in this book.
Apart from the science that we know, there is indeed another dimension of existence, another field of energy from the Universe.
When we take refuge to learn the Dharma, we are essentially learning what the Buddha had taught. The sole purpose is to eventually attain Buddhahood.
But do you know, just what kind of Buddhists are recognised by Shakyamuni Buddha as true disciples?
And how can we humans break free from sufferings and achieve bliss? How can we tame the wild minds in us? How do we return to our true self from this mortal body?
Just what actually is our true nature?
That day, Shifu asked a young lady, "You say you wish to learn the Dharma. Then do you know who is the founder of Buddhism?"
She had read all of Shifu's FB articles from 2013-2019, but was unable to reply.
Do not treat the Buddhadharma as ordinary mortal knowledge, let alone masquerade under the name of learning the Dharma, but in reality, using the knowledge to make more money and build a business. Peddling the Buddha for self-profit is a sin that would have you swallowing red hot iron balls and drinking boiling hot liquid iron in Hell!
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Before my trip to Taiwan, Shifu told me to take a photo with Taipei 101. So I went there with my Grandmaster's book.
Master Dai Hu had taught me, Taipei 101 is the modern-day version of Wen Chang Pagoda.
In ancient times, Wen Chang is highly valued, because it favours the academics, scholarly achievements and career. When a certain mountain form is lacking in certain geographical locations, a Wen Chang Pagoda ( also known as Wen Feng Pagoda) would be constructed to activate and encourage the birth of more scholarly people.
So in the old days, there is the Wen Chang Pagoda, and now we have the Taipei 101.
In the past, there is Buddha who first expounded on the Four Noble Truths. And now, we have His Holiness, Dharma King Lian Sheng, to continue turning the Wheel of Dharma.
What about humans? Throughout history, humans have lived a befuddled existence. Even till now.
Most people want Wen Chang because they pursue fame and recognition. I covet Wen Chang, because I hope to get enlightened sooner. Oh please, let me be less stupid...
Whether you are new to the teachings of Buddha, or a Buddhist disciple for years, if you are pursuing the ultimate truth of Life like me, this book will open up your eyes and have you singing in praises.
Just how well do you know Buddha?
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I strongly recommend this book and you can purchase it online at the links below, or hop over to True Buddha Prajna Treasury to read the ebook or listen to the audiobook for free.
1) Kinokuniya Singapore - https://singapore.kinokuniya.com/bw/9789573052654
2) Kingstone Taiwan - https://www.kingstone.com.tw/basics/basics.asp?kmcode=2012000022409&lid=common-index-billboard-all&actid=bookindex
3) 真佛般若藏 True Buddha Prajna Treasury - https://www.tbboyeh.org/cht#/store
grasping中文 在 Prudence Liew 劉美君 Facebook 的最佳解答
Finding peace amidst conflict
Teachings from Karmapa Trinley Thaye Dorje
大寶法王聽列泰耶多傑的開示
( PLEASE SHARE 請分享)
20170829
Keeping a healthy mind 保持心境健康
We very simply develop awareness by examining what is healthy, just like examining what is a good diet, a good fitness routine for our physical body. Just like that, we have to ask ourselves what is healthy for our mind, and then by using the knowledge that is given by all the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, then we can find out more and more what is healthy for our mind. And then gradually, by applying the knowledge according to our capacity, we become healthier, fitter, stronger and more flexible, and then we can overcome all difficulties.
很簡單地我們憑著監視什麼是健康來長養覺知,就像檢視什麼是好的膳食、好的康體運動規律。就是這樣,我們問自己什麼對心識好,然後運用所有佛菩薩給我們的教法,繼而能找出更多對心識健康的東西。然後陸續地,基於我們的能力運用知識,我們會更加健康、強壯,和柔軟,繼而我們能征服所有的困難。
20170826
Finding peace amidst conflict 在混亂中尋找和平
We have the power and choice to journey on the path of a Bodhisattva. We cannot control all of the conflict in our world, but we can control our response to it. We can help ensure that we do not create more harm, we do not cause more commotion, but instead prepare for peace by letting go of grasping, by keeping the mind calm and tapping into the eternal pool of compassion and wisdom that lies within all of us. For it is within this pool, this Inner Wealth, that lies the source of peace.
我們有力量和能選擇走菩薩之道。我們不能控制世上所有的衝突,但我們能控制我們的反應。我們能確保不製造傷害,不製造混亂,但反而憑放棄執著為和平做準備,憑著保持心境平靜和採用我們內在悲智的永久泉源。因為在這泉源裡,這內在財富,是和平的根源。
20170824
As Buddha Shakyamuni, the founder of Buddhism says,
'Words have the power to both destroy and heal. When words are both true and kind, they can change our world'.
正如佛陀釋迦穆尼(佛教的始祖)說:“文字有能力破壞和療愈。當文字是真實和慈悲時,它能改變世界。”
20170823
Pain and joy: 痛與快樂
Pain and joy are - like light and darkness - two sides of the same coin. They are interdependent and inextricably linked with each other.
痛與快樂 -像光與暗 -是同一枚硬幣的兩面。他們互為因果,及緊密地互相聯繫。
When painting a picture or taking a photograph, if there is no light and no darkness, there is no painting and there is no picture. It is the very contrast of light and darkness that brings out the beauty and the colour.
當我們繪畫或拍照,若沒有光與暗,便沒有畫像及沒有照片。正就是光暗的對比把美與色彩突顯出來。
(英文原文及圖片來源:https://www.facebook.com/17th.Karmapa/
(中文翻譯由本FB翻譯小組負責。若有錯漏,請見諒。節錄或載列文章內容以原文為準。)
grasping中文 在 一分钟美语Grasping at Straws - YouTube 的推薦與評價
You're grasping at straws if you think you can pass that exam by starting to ... 美国之音中文网视频- https://www.voachinese.com/a/english-. ... <看更多>