【修復愛情】LOVE REPAIR
(English writing below)
婚前,沒話找話說,婚後,有話也不說,這是很多現代婚姻的寫實照。
若又不能對家人和好友訴苦,那真的是撞牆幾百次都不敵內心的痛。
所以有個笑話:以前提到結婚,想到「天長地久」,現在提到結婚,想到「能撐多久」。
我的工作,常常會處理夫妻感情問題:男人偷吃、紅杏出牆、夫妻不和、婆媳問題、感情退溫等等。
可能你以為我身為女子,一定幫女人說話,覺得錯的都是男人。
但我的耳朵一邊長一隻,就是用來聽雙方的說辭。學佛後,更不會偏袒任何一方,無論付我錢的人是誰,因為明白了「不是冤家不結婚」,「業障不重不生孩子」。你以為是他對你不好,卻不知前世你對他做了什麼。
那天看風水時,我發現女客人會不斷對先生說某種話。這不是什麼不好聽或污辱性的話,但這話是先生八字非常避忌的,只會讓他越來越反感,把這太太推入冷宮。
我如實地教導她,也教導他先生。
嫁出去的女兒,必須長大,學會以先生喜歡的方式去愛他,不要強行自己的做法就是最好。
愛一個人,就算你不苟同他的決定,你依然願意陪伴他,因為你說過你不會讓他孤軍作戰,不是嗎?
娶了媳婦的兒子,外頭再大的壓力,也要記得老婆是娶來疼的,因為她相信你有能力給她幸福,才會嫁給你。
得饒人處且饒人,不要拿自己心裡的毒來逼家人吃,殘害他們。這也是日行一善。
好些太太告訴我,她們的先生見了我之後,會聽我的話,比她們不停嘮叨還管用。
能夠出來「走江湖」,又有願要度眾生的風水師,八字和品性自然能賦予眾生的心,安撫他們的不安,給他們一盞希望的明燈。說白一點,是太太與先生之間有冤業才會產生糾紛,不是與我。
我以我師尊、我師父所教的,盡我所能來修復你們受傷的愛情、裂開的婚姻,讓你們今世夫妻不會演變為來世冤親。
我希望能拔除眾生的苦,只求你配合一百巴仙,不要等到太遲才行動。
如果你也想早日解除這困難,歡迎聯絡我。
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Before marriage, you will find things to talk when there is nothing to say.
After marriage, even when there are things to talk, you keep mum.
Such is the reality of many modern marriages.
If you are unable to confide in your family and friends, the pain from banging your head on the wall for a few hundred times cannot win the agony in your heart.
Hence there is a joke: in the past, marriage conjures dreams of love lasting forever. Now marriage makes you wonder how long you can last.
My job often handles marital problems such as extramarital affairs, disharmony between the couple, conflicts with in-laws and love fizzling out etc.
Perhaps you might think that as a woman, I will side with the female and think that the fault lies with the male.
I have one ear on each side of my head, to listen to both sides of the story. After learning the Dharma, I am even more unbiased, no matter which party is my paymaster.
Because I have came to understand these karmic laws: Enemies cross each other’s path by getting married. Children are borne when one’s karmic obstacles is heavy.
It is easy to assume that he is mistreating you, but if only you know what you did to him in your past life.
During the Feng Shui audit that day, I noticed that the female client kept saying certain things to her husband. While it was nothing bad or insulting, the words she said were against her husband’s Bazi elements. If not stopped, it will cause increasing aversion in him and relegate the marriage into limbo.
I taught the female client and I also taught her husband truthfully.
A daughter who has married must grow up and learn to love her husband the way he likes it, not always forcing her ideals on him.
When you love a person, you are still willing to accompany him, despite not agreeing with his decision, because you promised him before that you will never let him walk alone, no?
No matter how enormous the stress he faces outside, a son who has a wife must remember that his lady is for him to dote on, because she believes that you have the ability to give her happiness, thus she married you.
Where it is possible to let people off, one should spare them. Don’t force feed your family the toxicity in your heart and inflict pain on them. That will make a good deed a day.
Many ladies tell me that their husbands heed my advice after seeing me in person. It is more effective than them nagging at their men nonstop.
A Feng Shui practitioner, who comes out to walk the world with an aspiration to deliver sentient beings, will naturally have the Bazi and moral character to nourish the hearts of people, pacify their trepidation, and gift them a bright lamp of hope.
In other words, the karmic enemity is between the wife and the husband hence the many conflicts, not with me.
I use what my Grandmaster and Shifu have taught me to mend your broken love and cracked marriage, to the best of my ability. So that your marriage affinity this lifetime will not deteriorate to that of karmic debtors next life. I also hope to remove the sufferings of sentient beings. My only request is to have your 💯 % full cooperation and don’t wait till it’s too late.
If you also wish to , you are welcome to contact me.
同時也有1部Youtube影片,追蹤數超過3萬的網紅POPA Channel,也在其Youtube影片中提到,過去我們談了不少教養孩子的方法,今集我們想談一個敏感課題:離婚。古語有云「寧教人打仔,莫教人分妻」,我們明白,會結婚的人,誰會想要離婚。但現實是香港的離婚率年年上升,當中不乏已有下一代的家庭。 一旦面對婚姻抉擇,大家也許都會問自己,到底要不要為了小朋友維持一段不算美滿的婚姻?不分開是否就能夠給孩子...
「marital stress」的推薦目錄:
marital stress 在 Pakar diari hati Facebook 的最讚貼文
MARITAL DEPRESSION
Kes 1
Umur 35, anak 8 orang tengah pregnant yg ke 9. Suri rumah sepenuh masa sementara suami sangat sibuk dgn kerja dan program2 di luar sepanjang minggu.
Kes 2
Seorang ibu muda berumur 27 tahun anak 3 orang (jarak anak yg rapat2)graduan ijazah sarjana muda, surirumah sepenuh masa,suami bekerja dan sibuk dgn program2 luar sepanjang minggu.
Kes 3
Baru berkahwin 2 bulan 10 hari lalu diceraikan suami tanpa mengetahui sebab diceraikan. Hanya tinggal bersama 1minggu shj.Suami menghilangkan diri setelah itu sehinggalah dapat permhonan cerai.
Setelah bercerai barulah tahu antara alasan cerai adalah isteri tidak memasak,basuh baju, dan gosok baju sepanjang SEMINGGU baru mereka berkahwin.Bukan setahun ok.
IT'S DAMN REAL
Kita tahu kes 1 adalah Puan AAJ yg viral dalam socmed dengan pelbagai komen dan judgment ke atas beliau. Kes 2 dan 3 adalah kes klien saya yg sy rahsiakan siapa mrk tetapi sgt terkesan utk saya kongsikan.
Analisa saya seperti di bawah :
1. Tekanan dalam rumah tangga sangat real dan berlaku. Ia adalah sejenis domestic violence yg tidak kena pd fizikal tetapi kepada mental dan emosi. Dengan membiarkan seorang isteri menguruskan rumah tangga dan anak2 tanpa sebarang sokongan adalah satu KEGANASAN RUMAH TANGGA.
Kes 1 dan 2 adalah hasil daripada marital depression sehingga seorang isteri bertindak rebel dan protest spt AAJ. Klien sy kes 2 pernah wasap nyatakan dia hampir bunuh diri dan tidak mahukan anak2nya yg ke2 dan ke3 krn terlalu tertekan dgn sikap suami yg tak ambil endah urus anak2.
2. 'Me Time' seorang isteri adalah salah satu keperluan nafkah batin. Bukan hanya supply seks. 'Me Time' takkan bawak sampai nusyuz! Kau orang ni dalam kepala pikir nusyuz aje.
sekadar seminggu sekali kau bagi dia lepak dgn kawan2,bagi duit belanja lebih sikit sebulan sekali utk dia ke spa, bawak makan kat restoren dia teringin sebulan sekali, tolong jaga anak2 isteri nak iktikaf di masjid sekali sekala. Setahun 2 kali plan short trips utk hilangkan stress.
3. Kau tengok kes 3, saya ni sujud syukur klien sy diceraikan dgn cepatnya. Kau boleh bayang mcmana agknya kalau dia bertahan dlm perkahwinan yg suaminya berpegangan "baru seminggu kahwin,isteri tak masak,tak basuh n gosok baju " wajar diceraikan.
Klien saya bekerja sbg dentist, tidakkah 'wasted' bersuamikan seorang yg "too autocratic" spt lelaki ini! Pemikiran seorang lelaki yg tidak boleh terima isterinya tak sempurna lalukan house chores boleh menyumbangkan tekanan kpd isteri apatahlagi isteri pun bekerja.
5. Nak ramaikan umat pun jangan sampai buat isteri tak siuman. Pakai alat perancang keluarga tak difatwakan masuk neraka. Kau tgk AAJ yg umur semuda dia anak nak masuk 9. Kau boleh bayang umur brp dia kahwin dan sedekat mana jarak anak2.
Puan2,kalau mmg sanggup pun nak beranak setiap tahun,tengok dulu sejauh mana suami membantu. Kalau setakat donate sperm dan blah tinggalkan kau mengandung,bersalin,berpantang,membesarkan anak seorang diri, sila pakai contraception walaupun TANPA IZIN SUAMI. Menjaga nyawa dan agama kau lebih utama daripada taat kpd suami spt itu.
6. Stay single selagi tiada keperluan mendesak utk kahwin. Bukan saya tak galakkan berkahwin, tetapi jangan jadi down and inferior bila lambat kahwin. Sibukkan diri dengan program,activities yg baik utk divert attention.This life is not about marriage and kids only. This life offers more than that!
Memanglah kalau nanti marriage tak workable,ada jalan keluar yg disediakan oleh undang2. Tapi the ugly truth is NOT EASY. Dah termasuk
mulut buaya kau nak merangkak keluar balik bukan senang unless u have very strong support and back up.
7. Ladies, whatever yours please keep them secret and private. Bukan suruh kau kedekut atau berkira, kau nak bantu suami kau bab duit boleh,tapi tak semua kau kena disclose. Simpan dan rahsiakan 1,2 harta yg milik kau spy tak dikacau. Kalau xde duit sndiri dan xkerja,please work.Tak kira la makan gaji atau bisnes.
Why? for futures! Banyak nak guna duit utk kau self help nanti. Kau nak ke balai pun perlu duit,nak sewa rumah lain sebab nak selamatkan diri dari suami kau pun perlu duit. Nak naik uber pegi mahkamah dan letak ank kat nurseri pun duit. Kau nak jumpa kaunselor ustz/zah pun kau perlu trasnport berduit.
Kau duduk meroyan, rebel,protest kat laki kau yg keras kepala,kat socmed tak membantu apa2 selagi kau tak keluar dari rumah cari bantuan. Please,at certain point love yourself first and be selfish!
Ok done,panjang dah. My 10cents.
Kredit : Hanizz MK
marital stress 在 玳瑚師父 Master Dai Hu Facebook 的精選貼文
【玳瑚師父出差錄】 天下本无事,庸人自扰之 Much ado about nothing
在聆聽一位女客人時,她說著說著就哭了。 我問她怎麽了,她說,“壓力。”,然後娓娓道出她壓力的各來源。
十多年來,這並非第一次有女客人在我面前落淚。 男兒有淚不輕彈,曾有一位男客人因爲婚姻問題,與我用餐時突然流淚。
其實天底下是沒有煩惱的,有煩惱也是衆生咎由自取,自做自受。
對於人生,不要什麽都要求最好的。如果你要學人家穿最流行的衣服、住最好的公寓、要賺很多錢、要重慾,你就是在為自己種了一個苦因,將來就得受這個苦果。
沒有這麽大的頭,不要戴這麽大的帽子。
人生的旅途中,要上坡下坡過橋,崎嶇的道路肯定有。
多去踏青,多看天空,學習天空的廣大,學習大地的包容。 久而久之,心量會變大,如大自然一樣遼闊,無爲而為。
“活著一天,感恩一天。
活著一天,修行一天。
活著一天,快樂一天。” 每一天都是美好的一天!
可能您讀到這裡會覺得不用我說,您也懂。沒錯,這些三歲小孩都懂,但八十嵗老翁卻做不到。
-----------------------------
While listening attentively to a female client, she started crying as she spoke. I asked her what happened. She mumbled, "Stress." and told me about the various sources of stress in her life.
This is not the first time a female client cried in front of me, in my past ten years plus of consultation. Real men might not cry easily. A male client once cried halfway through our dinner because of marital problems.
Truth is, there is no affliction in this world. If there is, it is only because sentient beings ask for it and naturally have to bear the ill consequences of their own doings.
When it comes to life, don't keep wanting to have the best in everything. If you are going to be like most people, wanting to wear the most fashionable clothes, stay in the most upmarket condominium, earn lots of money and indulge in your desires, you are sowing a seed of suffering in your destiny and will have to experience its unpleasant fruit in the future.
To put it short, if you don't have a big head, don't wear such a large hat.
In the course of life, there is bound to be up slopes, down slopes and bridges to cross. The road is not going to be straight for sure.
Go spend more time with Nature, take time out to look at the sky and learn how expansive the sky is and how tolerant Mother Earth is. Over time, you are bound to have a broader mind that can stretch as vast as the nature.
“For every day we are alive, be grateful.
For every day we are alive, cultivate.
For every day we are alive, be happy.”
For everyday is a good day!
Perhaps after reading all this, you might think that all these are common sense and you know even without me saying it. Yes, you are right, even a three-year old kid knows but yet an eighty-year old man is still unable to do it.
marital stress 在 POPA Channel Youtube 的最讚貼文
過去我們談了不少教養孩子的方法,今集我們想談一個敏感課題:離婚。古語有云「寧教人打仔,莫教人分妻」,我們明白,會結婚的人,誰會想要離婚。但現實是香港的離婚率年年上升,當中不乏已有下一代的家庭。
一旦面對婚姻抉擇,大家也許都會問自己,到底要不要為了小朋友維持一段不算美滿的婚姻?不分開是否就能夠給孩子一個「完整」的家?分開又會不會令小朋友蒙上陰影?
參考資料
Carr, C. M., & Wolchik, S. A. (2015). Marital Status, Divorce, and Child Development. In J. D. Wright (Ed.), International Encyclopedia of the Social & Behavioral Sciences (2nd ed., Vol. 14, pp. 518-524). Amsterdam: Elsevier.
Luecken, L. J., Hagan, M. A., Wolchik, S. N., Sandler, I., & Tein, J. (2016). A Longitudinal Study of the Effects of Child-Reported Maternal Warmth on Cortisol Stress Response 15 Years After Parental Divorce. Psychosomatic Medicine, 78(2), 163-170.
Leung, J. (2016). Maternal Beliefs, Adolescent Perceived Maternal Control and Psychological Competence in Poor Chinese Female-Headed Divorced Families. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 25(6), 1815-1828.
Schaffer, H. R. (2003). Introducing Child Psychology: Wiley.
Schaffer, H. (1998). Making decisions about children : Psychological questions and answers (2nd ed., Understanding children's worlds). Oxford ; Cambridge, Mass: Blackwell.
Hetherington, E. (1999). Coping with divorce, single parenting, and remarriage : A risk and resiliency perspective. Mahwah, N.J. ; London: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.
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