關於 end of school year depression ，我們在網路上蒐集到這些相關的討論、資訊與評價

คนคุณภาพอยู่ที่ไหนก็คุณภาพ เข้าใจและเคารพการตัดสินใจของพี่แบงนะงับ พวกเราจะติดตามพี่เสมอ .. ผมมันพวกดื้อพวกฝังใจ ขอสู้กับมันให้พังไปข้างก่อน ไม่ไหวจริงๆจะทำใจและเดินไปข้างหน้าต่อนะ

#น้องจง

พบกันใหม่... เขียนทีไร น้ำตาซึม เมื่อนั้น...
ถ้าหากพิมพ์ผิดพิมพ์ถูกขออภัยด้วย พิมพ์ไปน้ำตาไหลไป T_T
ขอบคุณครับ

....

หลายปีที่ผ่านมา 2011-2015...

เวลาผมมองการแข่งขัน หรือ แม้กระทั่ง น้องคนรู้จักเล่น DotA แม้แต่เด็กที่เล่นในร้านเกมก็ตาม... ผมน้ำตาซึมทุกครั้ง และ ใจหวิว

ได้แต่บอกกับตัวเองว่า เราจากสิ่งที่เราชอบมาได้ยังไงถึงเพียงนี้นะ แล้วเราจะกลับมันไปได้ยังไงดี?

เราจะกล้าทิ้งงานประจำเหรอ เราจะทำมันได้ไหม มันจะเลี้ยงดูคนที่บ้านได้รึเปล่า? แล้วมันจะได้อะไรกลับคืนมาบ้าง? จากการทำสิ่งนี้ เราทำให้คนดูมีความสุขได้ แต่ถ้าเราทุกข์ เราจะหันหน้าไปพึ่งใครดีหล่ะ?

คำถามนี้วนเวียนอยู่ในหัวผม หลายต่อหลายปี จนปี 2016 ผมได้ตัดสินใจ หักแข้ง หักขา ตัวเอง เพื่อที่จะก้าวสู่ในที่ใหม่ๆ ที่ที่เรารัก และ ทำให้มันให้ดีที่สุด เท่าที่จะทำได้

ในปี 2016 ที่ผมได้ลาออกจากงาน แล้วกลับมาพากย์ DotA2 อย่างเต็มรูปแบบ ตะบี้ ตะบันพากย์มานักต่อนัก จนทำให้มีคนดูอยู่ในระดับหนึ่ง และ ไม่เคยหยุด อาจจะมีป่วย มีท้อบ้าง บ่นได้แต่ก็ไม่เคยหยุด

เพราะอะไรหน่ะเหรอ เพราะผมชอบนะ DotA แต่ไม่ได้หมายความว่าผมเกลียดเกมอื่นๆ ผมรักในงานเกม ในวงการเกม มันมีอะไรให้ค้นหาเยอะ ในบทบาทของเรา

....

ในปี 2017 ยุคที่ก้าวกระโดด ผมได้เข้าร่วมกับ Platform Twitch ที่ถือว่า เริ่มต้นสายอาชีพ Streamer ที่ Support นักพากย์สาย Entertainment ในแบบผมอย่างเต็มตัว

มันทำให้ผมพออยู่ได้ และ หาเลี้ยงครอบครัวได้อย่างเป็นสุข ถึงแม้ว่าการ Donations หรือ การ Subs จะได้มากมาย ผกผัน กับยอดวิว ที่มีอยู่ แต่ผมกล่าวออก Stream เสมอว่า

"แค่มาดูผมก็พอ ก็ถือว่าเป็นการ Support ผมแล้ว"

ซึ่งปี 2017 ผมได้มีโอกาสที่ดี ในหลายๆ งาน เช่น Manila Masters และ ความฝันสูงสุด ที่มันมาถึงเร็วมาก นั่น คือ การที่ได้ไปพากย์ ขอบสนาม ในเวที The Internationals นั่นเอง

ผมไม่ได้คิดว่า ผมจะไปในฐานะตัวเองแม้แต่น้อย ผมไปในฐานะ คนไทยคนนึง ซึ่งได้ไปอยู่ในจุด จุดนั้น มันสนุกมาก มันเป็นประสบการณ์ที่ดีและเป็นความสุขที่สุดครั้งนึงในชีวิตผมเลยก็ว่าได้

แม้จะมีผิดพลาดบ้าง ทำแย่บ้าง เพราะร่างกายไม่ไหว แต่เราก็ทำต่อไป เราแค่พูดกับตัวเองว่า เราจะตั้งใจกว่านี้ และ ขอโทษคนดูอยู่เป็นประจำที่เราทำไม่ได้ออกมาที่เราต้องการ หรือ คนอื่นๆ ต้องการนั่นเอง

"แต่ต้องบอกว่าปีนี้ ผมยิ้ม มากกว่า ร้องไห้จริงๆ"

....

ในปี 2018 เป็นยุคมืดของผมเลยก็ว่าได้ มันเป็นเหมือน ความสว่างที่เด่นชัดในปี 2017 แล้วมาดับวูป ในครึ่งปีหลัง 2018

ถ้าใครติดตามก็แน่นอนว่า ที่บ้านผมก็มีปัญหาอยู่ไม่น้อย แน่นอนมันจะมีคำ คำนึง ออกมาว่า "เราต้องการใช้เงินหว่ะ? แต่เราต้องหาเงินด้วยตัวเอง โดยไม่ได้หยิบยืมใครคนอื่น"

ในปี 2018 มันเป็นยุคที่ดีมากๆ ในครึ่งปีแรก ทุกอย่างดีหมด ดีมากจริงๆ ผมมีแนวโน้มว่าจะ มีเงินเก็บซักก้อนเอาไว้ ซื้อบ้านที่จะขยับขยาย ฐานการพากย์ หรือ Studio เล็กๆ

แต่แล้วมันก็พังทลาย เพราะ ... 1.โดนโกงจาก GESC 2.โดนโกงจาก Bitcoin ซึ่งคดีความยังดำเนินอยู่ และ จะจัดการถึงที่สุด

มันเป็นอะไรที่ Fail มาก มีพี่คนนึงเคยบอกว่า นี่หล่ะ "มันเป็นผลพลอย ของคนใช้เงินไม่เป็น และอยากได้เยอะเกินไป ให้คนอื่นเยอะไป"

คำนี้มันวนเวียนอยู่ในหัวผมหลายต่อหลายเดือน

แน่นอนว่า สิ่งๆ นี้มันกระทบการพากย์ของผมหนักมาก ถึงมากที่สุด มันทำให้ไม่มีสมาธิ เหมือนผม ต้องหักอารมณ์เศร้า แล้วผมต้องมาทำให้มันดีที่สุดใน เวลานั้น ในชั่วโมงนั้น เพื่อที่ส่งความสนุกให้กับคนดูมากที่สุด และ เก็บงำความทุกข์ไว้เพียงลำพังนั่นเอง

"ถามว่าเป็นซึมเศร้าไหม? ก็เกือบเป็นนะจากผล ทดสอบ"

ต่อมาในปลายปี 2018 ผมได้ก้าวข้ามในสิ่งที่เศร้า ปลดเปลื้องสิ่งที่ทำให้โง่เขลา แน่นอนมันตามหลอกหลอนผมในทุกๆ วินาที ที่ผมว่าง หรือแม้กระทั่ง ใครพูดเรื่องนี้ขึ้นมาต่อหน้าเรา เราก็จะรู้สึกแย่ ภาพเก่าๆ มันหวนมาทำร้ายเราตลอด

พวกคุณจะสังเกตุได้ว่าทำไม ผมพากย์ไม่ไปไหน ทำไมผมแย่ลง ทำไมผมดูไม่ดุดันแบบแต่ก่อน นั่นคือสาเหตุข้างต้น เรื่องโดนโกงเงินทั้งนั้นครับ

หลายคนอาจจะพูด "เงินไม่ตายหาใหม่ได้"
แต่แล้วต้องคิดกลับกันว่า "นั่นมันคือเงินเก็บทั้งชีวิตของผมนะ"

....

เริ่มต้นในปี 2019

ผมได้พยายามทำทุกวิถีทางให้ลืมๆ มันไป และ พยายามแก้ไขในหลายๆ สิ่ง ผมใช้เงินส่วนตัวทั้งหมดที่มีอยู่ ไปเที่ยวญี่ปุ่น เพื่อที่จะลบล้างมันซะ ในบางส่วน ออกไปใช้ชีวิตบ้าง

เพราะที่ผ่านๆ มาที่ผมไป มีพี่ๆ เสือร้องไห้ เลี้ยงทั้่งนั้น นั่นคือ พวกพี่ๆ ที่เป็นไอดอล ของผม (รวมถึงผู้ใหญ่ท่านอื่นๆ ด้วย) แน่นอน ปัจจุบันก็มี Hashtag คอยช่วยเหลือผมอยู่เสมอมา

ฟังดูอาจจะย้อนแย้งเนอะ?

"เงินไม่มียังจะไปเที่ยวอีกเหรอวะ?"

แต่ขอเถอะ ซักครั้ง ให้มันพังกันไป ให้ความเครียดมัน มลายหายไป แล้วเริ่มใหม่แบบกล้าแกร่งในปีนี้

ซึ่งผมกลับมาดีขึ้นนะ แต่ก็ยังพากย์แย่เหมือนเดิม ผมได้กลับมาดูตัวเองพากย์ในทุกๆ วัน ทุกๆ ครั้งที่ว่าง มันแย่ มันแย่ถึงที่สุด

ความสนุกเราหายไป แต่หลังจากนี้เราจะแก้ไข ฝากทุกคนติดตามด้วยนะครับ ใน TI9 ผมจะทำให้เต็มที่ครับ

....

กลับมาเรื่องทำไม ถึงย้าย Platform จาก Twitch มา Facebook

ข้อแรก - ผมต้องการก้าวไปสู่ในยุคใหม่ๆ ที่ต้องการอะไรใหม่ๆ จากเดิมที่มีอยู่ ผมรู้สึกว่าครั้งนี้ ก็เหมือน ครั้งที่ลาออกจากงานประจำ ไปค้นหาอะไรใหม่ๆ ในโลกใหม่นั่นเอง

ข้อสอง - เมื่อบางอย่างถึงทางตัน เราต้องย้อนกลับไปเริ่มต้นใหม่ ในที่ใหม่ ... เพราะผมไม่รู้หรอกว่า สิ่งที่ผมอยู่ ผมจะมีอะไรในอนาคตไหม? ทั้งนี้ไม่ได้ Platform ที่จากไม่ดี ผมเห็นน้องๆ หน้าใหม่ หลายคนเติบโตในนั้น เยอะมาก ผมดีใจกับเค้านะ ... ซึ่งการพากย์ของผมมันเก่าแล้ว ผมอยากทำอะไรใหม่ๆ ในที่ใหม่ๆ เหมือนกับน้องๆ กลุ่มนั้นบ้างเหมือนกันหล่ะ

ข้อสาม - เพื่ออนาคต เพื่อทางบ้าน และ ตัวเอง คำนี้อาจจะเห็นแก่ตัวกับคนที่ประกาศ กับคนดูมาตลอดว่า "ทำเพื่อ Community" แน่นอนผมแคร์ Community มากๆ ถามว่าเห็นแก่ตัวเองไหม ก็ส่วนนึง แต่ถ้าเห็น แก่ตัวเองมากๆ ผมคงไปอยู่อีกที่นึงแล้ว ในค่ายทะเล ต้องบอกอย่างนึงว่า ... ถ้าผมทำงานบางที่ แค่ 6 เดือน แล้วได้เวลาในอนาคต มาประมาณ 4 ปีที่ทำอยู่ทุกวันนี้เลยทีเดียวครับ

ข้อสี่ - ผมปวดใจทุกครั้งที่ต้องทิ้งคน Subs มาร่วมเกือบ 3 ปี หรือจะ 2 ปี หรือ จะ 1 ปี แม้กระทั้ง 1 เดือนแรกก็ตาม แต่ผมขอฝากไว้ตรงนี้ ผมจะพยายามตอบแทนที่คุณ support ผมมาตลอด ผมจะดึงเข้ากลุ่ม Discord (ซึ่งจะ Update ในเร็วๆ นี้) และ พูดคุย จัดมิตติ้ง ในทุกๆ 3 เดือน มาพบปะกันบ่อยๆ ให้เรารักกันมากขึ้น เพราะที่ผ่านมาผมทำได้แค่เพียงพูดขอบคุณ คุณเท่านั้น ย้ำอีกครั้ง ผมไม่ทิ้งคุณ ผมสัญญา

ข้อห้า - ผมจะไม่พูดถึงเรื่อง ม่วงดียังไง ฟ้าดียังไง แต่ผมจะพูดแค่ว่า ผมเคารพ ทุกคำติชม และ ขอโอกาสอีกซักครั้งในการทำงานในที่ใหม่ และ หวังว่าคนดูจะเข้าใจผม หรือถ้าไม่เข้าใจ ผมพร้อมคุย และ กราบขอโทษในสิ่งที่ผมให้ไม่ได้จริงๆ ผมเสียใจจริงๆ ผมคิดมากทุกครั้งที่มีเรื่องนี้มาในหัว แต่ผมจะรับฟัง และ ขอโทษ ทำมันให้ดี จนกว่าทุกคนจะเข้าใจ ผมสัญญา

จริงๆ มีอีกหลายเรื่องที่ผมอยากพิมพ์เพิ่มเติม แต่ขอเป็นประเด็นๆ สำคัญแค่เพียงเท่านี้ก็พอ

....

ทุกวันนี้ความสุขผมคืออะไร ผมได้ผ่านพ้นช่วงเวลาอันเลวร้ายมาแล้ว มาเริ่มต้นใหม่ ทำอะไรใหม่ๆ และ ขอโอกาสคนดูทุกคนอีกซักครั้ง ให้ผมได้ พิสูจน์ ว่าผมเป็นคนเดิม และ คนที่ดีกว่าเดิม

อะไรที่เละเทะ หรือทำไม่ดีกับใคร ผมก็ขอโทษมา ณ ที่นี้ด้วยนะครับ

อย่างที่บอก เพื่อนผมสมัยประถม ล้อผมว่า "ไอ้บ้าเกม" มาตั้งแต่ตอนนั้น แต่ผมก็ไม่เคยจะหยุดรักมันเลย เอาจริงๆ นะ และวันนี้ผมทำให้ใครต่อใคร หลายคนเค้าเห็นจริงๆ ว่า

"ไอ้บ้าเกม คนนี้ ได้ทำตามความฝันของเค้าได้สำเร็จแล้วนะ!!"
"แล้วพวกนายทำบ้าอะไรอยู่หล่ะ ตอนที่ล้อฉันอยู่?"

เอาความโกรธเป็นแรงผลักดัน มากกว่าที่จะแสดงออก นี่หล่ะ คือ ทางของผม

...

สุดท้ายนี้

อาจจะตลกร้ายสำหรับการ ย้ายค่าย เบอร์เดิม
แต่ผมก็รักคนดู รัก DotA2 สุดหัวใจเหมือนเดิมครับ

รักทุกคน และ ขอทำมันให้ดีที่สุด ในวันใหม่ วันต่อๆ ไป
เพราะ "ฉันจะพากย์ต่อไป จนฉันหมดแรง"

ยินดีต้อนรับเข้าสู่ดินแดนใหม่ Facebook Gaming
ขอบพระคุณ Youtube และ Twitch บ้านหลังเก่า
ขอบพระคุณคนดูทุกคน และ ผู้ใหญ่ในวงการทุกคน
ที่ช่วยเหลือผมให้เป็นผมทุกวันนี้

ยินดีต้อนรับเข้าสู่บ้านหลังใหม่ของผมครับ

>> Cyberclasher Caster <<

แล้วมามันส์กันให้สุดขั้วใน TI9 ครับ

รักและขอบคุณ
แบงก์ - ไซเบอร์แคลซเชอร์
กิติภัทร กาญจนาพิพัชร์
Let's meet again... Every time I write it, I cry...
If a typo is right, sorry. Type to cry. T _ T
Thank you.

....

Years ago 2011-2015...

When I look at a match or even a brother who knows how to play Dota, even kids who play in the game shop... I cry every time and I feel like it.

I can only tell myself that I am from what I like. How can we go back?

Will we dare to leave a full time job? Can we do it? Can it raise someone at home? So what will it get back? From doing this, we can make people happy. But if we are suffering, who should we turn to?

This question has been around in my head for many years until 2016, I decided to break my leg to step into a new place where we love and make it the best I can.

In 2016, I quit my job and came back to dub Dota2 in full time. I have a lot of dub. It makes someone to watch at a certain level and never stop. There may be sick. I can complain but I never stop.

Why? Because I like Dota, but it doesn't mean I hate other games. I love gaming. There is a lot to find in our role.

....

In 2017, the leap era, I joined Platform Twitch that is considered starting the Streamer at support, a full-time Entertainment commentator like me.

It makes me happy to live and feed my family. Even though Donations or subs have a lot of inversions with the views, I always say that I always say that

"Just come to see me, it's my support"

In 2017 I have had a great opportunity in many jobs such as Manila Masters and the highest dream that came fast. That's how to dub the sidelines in the internationals.

I didn't think I would go as myself. I went as a Thai person who was at that point. It was so fun. It was the best experience and the happiest once in my life.

Even if there are some mistakes, I can't do some bad things because my body, but I keep doing it. I just say to myself that I will be more focused and apologize to the audience regularly. We can't do. Come out what we want or others want.

" But I have to say that I smile more than crying this year

....

In 2018, it was my dark age. It was like a clear brightness in 2017 and then it was out in half a year after 2018

If anyone follows, of course I have a few problems at home. There will be a word " We want to spend money? But we have to make money by ourselves without borrowing someone else "

In 2018, it was a very good era in the first half of the year. Everything was good. I tend to have money to buy a house that would expand the dub or small studio.

But then it fell apart because... 1. got cheated by GESC 2. got cheated by Bitcoin which is still going on and will handle it to the max.

It's a lot of Fail. A brother once said this is a result of people who don't know how to spend money and I want too much for other people "

This word has been around in my head for months.

Of course this hits my dub. It makes me not concentrate like I have to be sad. I have to make my best at that hour to send the most fun to the audience and keep it. Suffering alone

" Ask me if it's depression? Almost from the test results "

Later in the end of 2018, I have come across the sad things that make me foolish. It haunts me every second I'm free or even if anyone says this in front of us, we will feel bad. Old photos. Come to hurt us all the time

You guys will notice why I don't go anywhere. Why I'm getting worse. Why I don't look wild like before. That's why I got cheated. All money.

Many people may say "Money doesn't die, find a new one"
But then I have to think, " That's my whole life money

....

Started in 2019

I have tried to do everything to forget it and try to fix many things. I spent all my personal money to go to Japan to remove it in some of them.

Because in the past, there are tiger brothers and sisters who cry. That's my idols (including other adults). Now there is always hashtag to help me.

Sounds controversial, right?

" I don't have money. Are you going to travel?"

But please, let it be broken. Let the stress go away and start over strong this year.

Which I come back better, but still bad dub. I come back to see myself every day. Every day. It's bad. It's the worst.

Our fun is gone. But after this, we will fix it. Please follow. In TI9 I will do my best.

....

Why did you move platform from Twitch to Facebook?

First - I want to move on to a new era where I want something new. I feel like this time I quit my full time to find something new in the new world.

Second - When something comes to a dead end, we have to start again... because I don't know what I am, I will have anything in the future? I didn't get a bad platform. I saw many new sisters growing up in there. I'm happy for them... My dub is old. I want to do something new places like that group too.

Number three - for the future, for my family and myself, it may be selfish to those who have announced that "do it for community" of course, I care very much. Ask me if it's a part of myself. But if I see myself, I see myself, I would be very much. I have been in another place in the sea camp. I have to say... If I work somewhere for only 6 months, it's time for about 4 years that I have been doing these days.

Number four - I feel heartache every time I have to leave Subs for almost 3 years or 2 years or 1 years. Even the first 1 months, but I would like to leave it here. I will try to pay back for you. Support me all the time. I will pull into discord group (which will update soon) and talk to meet each other often. Let us love each other more because I can only say thank you. I repeat, I don't leave you. I promise.

Number five - I won't talk about purple, but I will only say that I respect all feedback and give me one more chance to work in a new place and hope that people understand me or if I'm ready to talk. And I apologize for what I can't give. I'm really sorry. I think too much every time I have something in my head. But I will listen and apologize. Do it well until everyone understands. I promise.

In fact, there are many more things I want to type, but I want to be an important point. Just like this.

....

What is my happiness nowadays? I have gone through bad times. Let's start again and give me another chance to watch. Let me prove that I am the same person and better person.

Anything that is messed up or bad to anyone, I'm sorry for here.

As I told my friend in elementary school, I was "crazy" since then, but I never stopped loving it. Seriously, and today I really made many people see that

" This asshole has successfully followed his dream!!"
" So what the hell are you doing while you're kidding me?"

Taking anger as a motivation than to express. This is my way.

...

Finally.

Might be funny for moving the same number of camp
But I love the audience. I love Dota2 with all my heart as always.

Love you all and do your best in the next day.
Because "I will continue to dub until I am exhausted"

Welcome to the new land Facebook Gaming
Thank you Youtube and Twitch. Old house.
Thank you to all the audience and all adults in the industry.
For helping me be me nowadays

Welcome to my new home.

>> @[653384451397698:274:Cyberclasher Caster] <<

Let's have fun to the extreme in TI9

Love and thank you
Bank - cyber clasher
Kitiphat cuddle, Kanchanaburi Pip cuddle charTranslated

【防狼之心不可無】

My mum didn't teach me about the birds and the bees.

I was a voracious reader and figured it out on my own at the age of 8, while reading a Charlie Brown encyclopedia.

But what my mum relentlessly taught me was to be wary of wolves. Stranger or family, they can morph into big bad wolves.

My parents worked 12 hours a day to provide for me.

As they were often not around, my mum commando trained me to be fiercely independent since I was a little girl.

I would be home alone for as long as 8 hours after school.

Mum drilled into me never to answer the door if a stranger knocks.

Once when I was 5, I was crossing the small road, to find my grandpa at the market.

I was on my own.

(Told you I was trained young. I would also like to think we lived in a generally safe neighborhood.)

A stranger man stopped me in my track and asked me if I wanted sweets.

My red alert antenna shot up.

I said no firmly to the man.

(I had never liked candy anyway.)

He persisted and told me he could bring me to his car where there were many sweets and toys.

I glared at him as fiercely as a 5-year-old could and threatened to scream if he didn't leave.

The man hurriedly backed off.

My mum's script for dealing with such strangers worked!

When I was 7, I was taking buses on my own to my mum's office at Keppel, after school.

I worked part-time in my mum's office as a tele-operator, Girl Friday and did all sorts of admin duties. #childabuse

Mum was very strict in my telephone etiquette. Few people could tell that they were speaking to a 7-year-old over the phone.

It was a male-dominated environment, and my dad would insist that I wear more trousers than dresses. I rarely had any dress except for CNY. No mini skirts, no strappy revealing tops, no hot pants, no masquerading as a Disney princess looking for a Prince.

Before I was 12, my mum would often reinforced to me:

No man should be allowed to touch me. That would be molest and is a criminal offense.

Never get into a lift alone with another male stranger. If the man comes in after me, I must quickly exit the lift.

Don't talk to strangers, even if they are females.

Don't accept gifts, drinks or foods from strangers, in case they are drugged.

Learn to run quickly.

Learn to shout loudly and fiercely.

Don't show your fear in front of wolves.

Bite as hard as I can.

Kick right with all the strength I can.

Don't walk in dark streets.

Don't sleep on the bus.

Avoid sharing seats with men on the bus.

Always check to see if anyone is tailing me.

#ninjaintraining

For umpteen times throughout my childhood and teenage years, my mum would say, that I MUST let her know if any man touches me. Even if it's a male relative or my own father.

She said she would definitely pursue legal action if I was molested. Because my safety is of paramount importance to her than anything else.

Mum also went through many times, how I should react/slap/kick if there was an outrage of my modesty.

She told me why it was important to respect my body and not have it manipulated by others.

She emphasized to me about the virtue of celibacy before marriage and why girls should not abuse their bodies.

She also warned me not to trust men when they use love as a bait to get into bed with them or use excessive flowery words. Such men would never make good husbands.

And never never get myself drunk. #thankBuddhaIdontdrink

Mum also said, if she had to bring me up alone, without daddy, she would NEVER have another man live with us, in case anything happened to me. Blood is thicker than water, Mum would reiterate.

A woman never has to build her life and happiness on another man.

Mum led by example and held her word to the very end. #soproudofmymum

You can say I grew up in a very protective environment and had a distinct sense of what is right and wrong because of my mum.

I count myself fortunate that I had never been put in compromising situations.

Or rather, I was quick to jump out when the situation isn't going right.

Like when passengers make funny requests to me on board.

The worst was when a Chief Steward walked behind me, at a narrow aisle and slided his hand against the back of my waist.

I was ready to crack his wrist and then "apologise" profusely if he did it again.

#crackfirstthenreport #大不了丟工作罷了

I also do not like it when taking photos with men, and their hands slide up to my shoulders.

Your hand got no better place to put? Did you ask for permission? #crack

About a year ago, I visited this new cafe for its desserts.

When I stepped into the cafe, this vibe of sadness enveloped me.

I was slightly perturbed. It was a newly renovated cafe, with highly Instagrammable decor.

Why the gloom? Could my Feng Shui antenna have sensed things wrongly?

I had my Luo Pan with me but didn't take the sitting directions of the cafe. It didn't seem appropriate at that time.

A few days ago, I read of its owner having depression since she was a child.

Her parents fought often and after the divorce, she stayed with her mum and her mum's boyfriend's family.

She was only 9 years old when the father of her mum's boyfriend molested her. It was her second time being molested by an adult figure.

The old man orchestrated to first win her trust and reliance, when the old man offered to pick her up from school, as her mum worked long hours. Sometimes she had to wait 5 hours before her mum could picked her up.

Not once did she spoke a word about this to her mum. She didn't wanted to burden her mother who worked 3 jobs and being lonely and bullied in school, she was "wrongly" glad that someone wanted her.

Ever since such a turbulent childhood, she had never felt emotionally secure. When she broke up with her boyfriend of 6 years, she sunk further into clinical depression, feeling that she had lost her safety net in life.

One lady I knew had a father who molested her younger sister. Ever since she knew, she became very wary of him.

Once while she was sleeping, her father came up to her bed, on the pretext of covering her with the blanket.

She woke up in time before anything happened.

I also heard of a real-life story where all the 3 daughters were molested in turn by their father. I knew one of them.

None of them told their mother.

One day, the father died at his work site, due to a crane accident. At his funeral, the eldest daughter said coldly to his dead body that she would now forgive him.

Why do you think he died such a horrible death, my friend?

To all parents out there, as you send your children to one enrichment class after another, please do not neglect to teach your children about wolves.

Your children need to feel safe to confide into you.

You need to educate them what is unacceptable behaviour when it comes to their bodies.

The world is getting more dangerous.

Our children must be skilled in handling unexpected situations where trust is breached.

Don't assume it will never happen to your children.

If it does, I hope for the good of your common sense, that you will do what is necessary to protect your child. Don't sweep things under the blanket and jeopardize your child's emotional sanity for the rest of his/her life.

Bad things don't just happen to little girls. Little boys should be well-informed too.

If you fail in your protective duty as a parent, the first adult that a child trust, you will not be spared from the clutches of Yin punishment.

And if you are a wolf in a sheep's clothing reading this, wake up your idea and repent soon.

Even if the police is unable to arrest you,
no one gets away from Karma.

The consequences of your evil deeds will always haunt you, even in your next life and next next life, till the people you hurt get their revenge and you truly repent, never to repeat your misdeeds again.

.........

天知地知 你知我知 何謂無知，
善報惡報 遲報速報 終須有報。

陽世官刑雖幸免，
陰司法網總難逃。

～ 新加坡韭菜芭城隍廟

After reading this, I realized what is the most valuable things in my life <3
Hmm... What u actually want? Happiness? Wealth?
Many of us might think that 'no wealth no happiness' ,
therefore we rush here & there busy working hard for $$$,
but are u sure that u gonna b happy if you're wealthy ? ?
Enjoy your life & appreciate what you have =)

A True Story from Dr. Richard Teo - 美容医生临终录像自责︰“我不是好医生，病人在我眼中只是钞票”。(Chinese version below)

♥ Like ✔ Tag ✔ Share ✔ Comment ✔ ♥
Malaysia Physiotherapy Students' Network (MPTSN)

Below is the transcript of the talk of Dr. Richard Teo, who is a 40-year-old millionaire and cosmetic surgeon with a stage-4 lung cancer but selflessly came to share with the D1 class his life experience on 19-Jan-2012. He has just passed away few days ago on 18 October 2012.

Hi good morning to all of you. My voice is a bit hoarse, so please bear with me. I thought I'll just introduce myself. My name is Richard, I'm a medical doctor. And I thought I'll just share some thoughts of my life. It's my pleasure to be invited by prof. Hopefully, it can get you thinking about how... as you pursue this.. embarking on your training to become dental surgeons, to think about other things as well.

Since young, I am a typical product of today's society. Relatively successful product that society requires.. From young, I came from a below average family. I was told by the media... and people around me that happiness is about success. And that success is about being wealthy. With this mind-set, I've always be extremely competitive, since I was young.

Not only do I need to go to the top school, I need to have success in all fields. Uniform groups, track, everything. I needed to get trophies, needed to be successful, I needed to have colours award, national colours award, everything. So I was highly competitive since young. I went on to medical school, graduated as a doctor. Some of you may know that within the medical faculty, ophthalmology is one of the most highly sought after specialities. So I went after that as well. I was given a traineeship in ophthalmology, I was also given a research scholarship by NUS to develop lasers to treat the eye.

So in the process, I was given 2 patents, one for the medical devices, and another for the lasers. And you know what, all this academic achievements did not bring me any wealth. So once I completed my bond with MOH, I decided that this is taking too long, the training in eye surgery is just taking too long. And there's lots of money to be made in the private sector. If you're aware, in the last few years, there is this rise in aesthetic medicine. Tons of money to be made there. So I decided, well, enough of staying in institution, it's time to leave. So I quit my training halfway and I went on to set up my aesthetic clinic... in town, together with a day surgery centre.

You know the irony is that people do not make heroes out average GP (general practitioner), family physicians. They don't. They make heroes out of people who are rich and famous. People who are not happy to pay $20 to see a GP, the same person have no qualms paying ten thousand dollars for a liposuction, 15 thousand dollars for a breast augmentation, and so on and so forth. So it's a no brainer isn't? Why do you want to be a gp? Become an aesthetic physician. So instead of healing the sick and ill, I decided that I'll become a glorified beautician. So, business was good, very good. It started off with waiting of one week, then became 3weeks, then one month, then 2 months, then 3 months. I was overwhelmed; there were just too many patients. Vanities are fantastic business. I employed one doctor, the second doctor, the 3rd doctor, the 4th doctor. And within the 1st year, we're already raking in millions. Just the 1st year. But never is enough because I was so obsessed with it. I started to expand into Indonesia to get all the rich Indonesian tai-tais who wouldn't blink an eye to have a procedure done. So life was really good.

So what do I do with the spare cash. How do I spend my weekends? Typically, I'll have car club gatherings. I take out my track car, with spare cash I got myself a track car. We have car club gatherings. We'll go up to Sepang in Malaysia. We'll go for car racing. And it was my life. With other spare cash, what do i do? I get myself a Ferrari. At that time, the 458 wasn't out, it's just a spider convertible, 430. This is a friend of mine, a schoolmate who is a forex trader, a banker. So he got a red one, he was wanting all along a red one, I was getting the silver one.

So what do I do after getting a car? It's time to buy a house, to build our own bungalows. So we go around looking for a land to build our own bungalows, we went around hunting. So how do i live my life? Well, we all think we have to mix around with the rich and famous. This is one of the Miss Universe. So we hang around with the beautiful, rich and famous. This by the way is an internet founder. So this is how we spend our lives, with dining and all the restaurants and Michelin Chefs you know.

So I reach a point in life that I got everything for my life. I was at the pinnacle of my career and all. That's me one year ago in the gym and I thought I was like, having everything under control and reaching the pinnacle.

Well, I was wrong. I didn't have everything under control. About last year March, I started to develop backache in the middle of nowhere. I thought maybe it was all the heavy squats I was doing. So I went to SGH, saw my classmate to do an MRI, to make sure it's not a slipped disc or anything. And that evening, he called me up and said that we found bone marrow replacement in your spine. I said, sorry what does that mean? I mean I know what it means, but I couldn't accept that. I was like “Are you serious?” I was still running around going to the gym you know. But we had more scans the next day, PET scans - positrons emission scans, they found that actually I have stage 4 terminal lung cancer. I was like "Whoa where did that come from?” It has already spread to the brain, the spine, the liver and the adrenals. And you know one moment I was there, totally thinking that I have everything under control, thinking that I've reached the pinnacle of my life. But the next moment, I have just lost it.

This is a CT scan of the lungs itself. If you look at it, every single dot there is a tumour. We call this miliaries tumour. And in fact, I have tens of thousands of them in the lungs. So, I was told that even with chemotherapy, that I'll have about 3-4months at most. Did my life come crushing on, of course it did, who wouldn't? I went into depression, of course, severe depression and I thought I had everything.

See the irony is that all these things that I have, the success, the trophies, my cars, my house and all. I thought that brought me happiness. But i was feeling really down, having severe depression. Having all these thoughts of my possessions, they brought me no joy. The thought of... You know, I can hug my Ferrari to sleep, no... No, it is not going to happen. It brought not a single comfort during my last ten months. And I thought they were, but they were not true happiness. But it wasn't. What really brought me joy in the last ten months was interaction with people, my loved ones, friends, people who genuinely care about me, they laugh and cry with me, and they are able to identify the pain and suffering I was going through. That brought joy to me, happiness. None of the things I have, all the possessions, and I thought those were supposed to bring me happiness. But it didn't, because if it did, I would have felt happy think about it, when I was feeling most down..

You know the classical Chinese New Year that is coming up. In the past, what do I do? Well, I will usually drive my flashy car to do my rounds, visit my relatives, to show it off to my friends. And I thought that was joy, you know. I thought that was really joy. But do you really think that my relatives and friends, whom some of them have difficulty trying to make ends meet, that will truly share the joy with me? Seeing me driving my flashy car and showing off to them? No, no way. They won’t be sharing joy with me. They were having problems trying to make ends meet, taking public transport. In fact i think, what I have done is more like you know, making them envious, jealous of all I have. In fact, sometimes even hatred.

Those are what we call objects of envy. I have them, I show them off to them and I feel it can fill my own pride and ego. That didn't bring any joy to these people, to my friends and relatives, and I thought they were real joy.

Well, let me just share another story with you. You know when I was about your age, I stayed in king Edward VII hall. I had this friend whom I thought was strange. Her name is Jennifer, we're still good friends. And as I walk along the path, she would, if she sees a snail, she would actually pick up the snail and put it along the grass patch. I was like why do you need to do that? Why dirty your hands? It’s just a snail. The truth is she could feel for the snail. The thought of being crushed to death is real to her, but to me it's just a snail. If you can't get out of the pathway of humans then you deserve to be crushed, it’s part of evolution isn't it? What an irony isn't it?

There I was being trained as a doctor, to be compassionate, to be able to empathise; but I couldn't. As a house officer, I graduated from medical school, posted to the oncology department at NUH. And, every day, every other day I witness death in the cancer department. When I see how they suffered, I see all the pain they went through. I see all the morphine they have to press every few minutes just to relieve their pain. I see them struggling with their oxygen breathing their last breath and all. But it was just a job. When I went to clinic every day, to the wards every day, take blood, give the medication but was the patient real to me? They weren't real to me. It was just a job, I do it, I get out of the ward, I can't wait to get home, I do my own stuff.

Was the pain, was the suffering the patients went through real? No. Of course I know all the medical terms to describe how they feel, all the suffering they went through. But in truth, I did not know how they feel, not until I became a patient. It is until now; I truly understand how they feel. And, if you ask me, would I have been a very different doctor if I were to re-live my life now, I can tell you yes I will. Because I truly understand how the patients feel now. And sometimes, you have to learn it the hard way.

Even as you start just your first year, and you embark this journey to become dental surgeons, let me just challenge you on two fronts.

Inevitably, all of you here will start to go into private practice. You will start to accumulate wealth. I can guarantee you. Just doing an implant can bring you thousands of dollars, it's fantastic money. And actually there is nothing wrong with being successful, with being rich or wealthy, absolutely nothing wrong. The only trouble is that a lot of us like myself couldn't handle it.

Why do I say that? Because when I start to accumulate, the more I have, the more I want. The more I wanted, the more obsessed I became. Like what I showed you earlier on, all I can was basically to get more possessions, to reach the pinnacle of what society did to us, of what society wants us to be. I became so obsessed that nothing else really mattered to me. Patients were just a source of income, and I tried to squeeze every single cent out of these patients.

A lot of times we forget, whom we are supposed to be serving. We become so lost that we serve nobody else but just ourselves. That was what happened to me. Whether it is in the medical, the dental fraternity, I can tell you, right now in the private practice, sometimes we just advise patients on treatment that is not indicated. Grey areas. And even though it is not necessary, we kind of advocate it. Even at this point, I know who are my friends and who genuinely cared for me and who are the ones who try to make money out of me by selling me "hope". We kind of lose our moral compass along the way. Because we just want to make money.

Worse, I can tell you, over the last few years, we bad mouth our fellow colleagues, our fellow competitors in the industry. We have no qualms about it. So if we can put them down to give ourselves an advantage, we do it. And that's what happening right now, medical, dental everywhere. My challenge to you is not to lose that moral compass. I learnt it the hard way, I hope you don't ever have to do it.

Secondly, a lot of us will start to get numb to our patients as we start to practise. Whether is it government hospitals, private practice, I can tell you when I was in the hospital, with stacks of patient folders, I can't wait to get rid of those folders as soon as possible; I can't wait to get patients out of my consultation room as soon as possible because there is just so many, and that's a reality. Because it becomes a job, a very routine job. And this is just part of it. Do I truly know how the patient feels back then? No, I don't. The fears and anxiety and all, do I truly understand what they are going through? I don't, not until when this happens to me and I think that is one of the biggest flaws in our system.

We’re being trained to be healthcare providers, professional, and all and yet we don't know how exactly they feel. I'm not asking you to get involved emotionally, I don't think that is professional but do we actually make a real effort to understand their pain and all? Most of us won’t, alright, I can assure you. So don't lose it, my challenge to you is to always be able to put yourself in your patient's shoes.

Because the pain, the anxiety, the fear are very real even though it's not real to you, it's real to them. So don't lose it and you know, right now I'm in the midst of my 5th cycle of my chemotherapy. I can tell you it’s a terrible feeling. Chemotherapy is one of those things that you don't wish even your enemies to go through because it's just suffering, lousy feeling, throwing out, you don't even know if you can retain your meals or not. Terrible feeling! And even with whatever little energy now I have, I try to reach out to other cancer patients because I truly understand what pain and suffering is like. But it's kind of little too late and too little.

You guys have a bright future ahead of you with all the resource and energy, so I’m going to challenge you to go beyond your immediate patients. To understand that there are people out there who are truly in pain, truly in hardship. Don’t get the idea that only poor people suffer. It is not true. A lot of these poor people do not have much in the first place, they are easily contented. for all you know they are happier than you and me but there are out there, people who are suffering mentally, physically, hardship, emotionally, financially and so on and so forth, and they are real. We choose to ignore them or we just don't want to know that they exist.

So do think about it alright, even as you go on to become professionals and dental surgeons and all. That you can reach out to these people who are in need. Whatever you do can make a large difference to them. I'm now at the receiving end so I know how it feels, someone who genuinely care for you, encourage and all. It makes a lot of difference to me. That’s what happens after treatment. I had a treatment recently, but I’ll leave this for another day. A lot of things happened along the way, that's why I am still able to talk to you today.

I'll just end of with this quote here, it's from this book called Tuesdays with Morris, and some of you may have read it. Everyone knows that they are going to die; every one of us knows that. The truth is, none of us believe it because if we did, we will do things differently. When I faced death, when I had to, I stripped myself off all stuff totally and I focused only on what is essential. The irony is that a lot of times, only when we learn how to die then we learn how to live. I know it sounds very morbid for this morning but it's the truth, this is what I’m going through.

Don’t let society tell you how to live. Don’t let the media tell you what you're supposed to do. Those things happened to me. And I led this life thinking that these are going to bring me happiness. I hope that you will think about it and decide for yourself how you want to live your own life. Not according to what other people tell you to do, and you have to decide whether you want to serve yourself, whether you are going to make a difference in somebody else's life. Because true happiness doesn't come from serving yourself. I thought it was but it didn't turn out that way.

Also most importantly, I think true joy comes from knowing God. Not knowing about God – I mean, you can read the bible and know about God – but knowing God personally; getting a relationship with God. I think that’s the most important. That’s what I’ve learnt.

So if I were to sum it up, I’d say that the earlier we sort out the priorities in our lives, the better it is. Don’t be like me – I had no other way. I had to learn it through the hard way. I had to come back to God to thank Him for this opportunity because I’ve had 3 major accidents in my past – car accidents. You know, these sports car accidents – I was always speeding , but somehow I always came out alive, even with the car almost being overturned. And I wouldn’t have had a chance. Who knows, I don’t know where else I’d be going to! Even though I was baptised it was just a show, but the fact that this has happened, it gave me a chance to come back to God.

Few things I’d learnt though:
1. Trust in the Lord your God with all your heart – this is so important.
2. Is to love and serve others, not just ourselves.

There is nothing wrong with being rich or wealthy. I think it’s absolutely alright, cos God has blessed. So many people are blessed with good wealth, but the trouble is I think a lot of us can’t handle it. The more we have, the more we want. I’ve gone through it, the deeper the hole we dig, the more we get sucked into it, so much so that we worship wealth and lose focus. Instead of worshipping God, we worship wealth. It’s just a human instinct. It’s just so difficult to get out of it.

We are all professionals, and when we go into private practise, we start to build up our wealth – inevitably. So my thought are, when you start to build up wealth and when the opportunity comes, do remember that all these things don’t belong to us. We don’t really own it nor have rights to this wealth. It’s actually God’s gift to us. Remember that it’s more important to further His Kingdom rather than to further ourselves.

Anyway I think that I’ve gone through it, and I know that wealth without God is empty. It is more important that you fill up the wealth, as you build it up subsequently, as professionals and all, you need to fill it up with the wealth of God.

Here's the link to the video of this :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umLkfADe17s

患上末期癌症后劝人莫贪钱的美容医生张庆祥（Dr Richard Teo），临终前在网上公开录像，自责自己以前太过贪钱，不是好医生，引起网友的热烈讨论。

张庆祥去年患上末期肺癌，本月中病逝，享年40岁。

他患癌后，才知道金钱和财富并不是一切，也不能带来真正的快乐，於是开始在网上劝人，特别是劝行医的人，要以爱心来医治病人，不要像他那样贪钱。

张庆祥在网上自爆，他从小就很爱钱，以為一个人要成功才会快乐，而成功就是拥有财富。他坦言因為很爱钱，因此选择医科，因為当医生才可以赚大钱。

他透露在医院癌症部门当见习医生时，他对病人没有半点爱心，对癌症病人遭受的痛苦，没有感同身受，病人在他眼裡只是一个工作，他每天都希望快快做完快点回家。那时候，他每天或每隔一天就会见证末期癌症病人死亡，并看著他们因身体剧痛，每几分鐘都要按一次吗啡来止痛，连吸一口氧气都感到困难，然后看著他们最后死亡。

张庆祥坦言，那时候的他，只把病人当著是工作，直到自己也患上末期癌症，他才开始对病人的痛苦感同身受。张庆祥因此劝告行医的人，要对病人有爱心，瞭解病人的痛苦。

為赚更多钱，放弃行医改当美容医生

张庆祥自爆，他当美容医生时，拼命向爱美的顾客和印尼富太刮钱，想办法把她们的每一分钱都刮到光光。张庆祥说，為了赚取更多的钱，他中途放弃行医，改当美容医生。
他说，许多人付20元看普通医生就喊贵，要她们花1万元抽脂或1万5千元隆胸，她们却毫不手软。他的美容生意非常的好，让他赚了很多的钱，那时候他才30多岁，就已经是百万富翁，拥有跑车、洋房，出入顶级餐馆，交往的都是有钱人和名人。
“我只顾追求成功和财富，甚麼都不理。在我眼裡，病人只是我的收入来源，我尝试从这些病人身上榨取每一分钱。”张庆祥透露，少年得志的他，每逢新年便会刻意开著法拉利跑车去拜年，目的是要向亲戚朋友炫耀，然后觉得很“爽”。
他说，现在他才知道这麼做很无聊，只会招来羡慕、妒忌、甚至怨恨。

Here's the link to the video of this :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umLkfADe17s

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