Yesterday, somebody asked me if there's a book right in front of me that is all about my life, past, present and future.. Will I read it? At first the question seems simple enough, I wouldn't want to because if I know the day I die, I may not be able to handle the truth and I would be crippled.
But as I thought deep about the question, I realised what I'm afraid of is not finding when I might die but the details of what I might have to witness.
Having lived 29 years, and a good part of my adulthood in public eye, I think it's safe to say that I have changed a lot. At the beginning, a virgin to this world, I set out wanting to be happy - spread good vibes, good messages, smile everywhere I go and be friends with everybody.
Then, piece by piece, day by day, one by one, I witnessed everything. Half truths are spoken, lies are weaved, two faced people putting up a false front, forcing the message of positivity upon others. It's like what pewdiepie said, it's soul crushing. I saw people around me lose themselves, all the good things I ever believed in crumbled in front of my eyes and finally, I myself became jaded.
Today, I don't want to be a "good guy" anymore. I don't want to smile at someone who pretends to smile at me when in fact, he or she doesn't like me at all and is always telling another person behind my back how I suck.
We can't make the whole world happy, and I'm done trying. Now, all I want is to be myself - if I don't like something, I'll speak up; if I love something, I will let everyone know. And if that makes me a "bad guy", then blast away, because no matter what you say, you can never say I am a hypocrite. And this to me, is enough. 😬
If there's a chance your world might crumble, will you still read the book that depicts your entire life beforehand?
