I’m not quite sure what it is but for the past two weeks, I have been struggling to fall asleep. I’m tired throughout the day but as soon as I lay in bed, my heart starts pounding hard and I struggle to drift off. My chest is tight, my bladder constantly needs emptied. I’m so anxious that I’ll get stomach cramps that last until the morning light. What am I anxious about? My children. Oh also, on tomorrow. I’ve always been the type to wing life. I never like to plan too far ahead. I take each day, task and challenge as it comes. With my children, I’m a different story. If I could shield them from a bad dream, I would. It’s suddenly dawned on me just how little control I truly have over my kids (which actually isn’t a bad thing after all). With Isaac starting P1, my fears that I projected on him has been crippling me. What if he doesn’t fit in? What if he gets bullied? What if he doesn’t enjoy school? With ayla starting daycare two days a week, I’m anxious about her not being in my care. What if she doesn’t feel prioritised? Why do I feel so much guilt? As parents, We try to balance more responsibilities which just leads to mum guilt increasing along the way. Does guilt actually help us perform better? No. Not only do I need to have more faith in my children, I especially need to have more faith in God. For a while, I felt like He was absent in my life and only recently I realise it was me who was absent all along and trying to make things work on my own. My wise friend @__sabby66__ told me that as a parent, I am just a steward to the children. God loves my children even more so than the love I have for them? I was able to understand His love for us better. It gave me such peace to just surrender. I love being a mum but this fear needs to go and I need to replace it with a different f word, faith. When I stArt to see shadows I will not fear because it just means there is light ahead of me. I will focus on the light, keep walking and remember Gods love is sufficient. #parentlife #anxiety #fear #faith #godisgood #itsbubz #focusonthelight #jesuslovesyou #makingmywaybacktochrist #thankyousabrina
