關於 how to care about others more than yourself ，我們在網路上蒐集到這些相關的討論、資訊與評價

Hi friends, how’s your weekend?
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I came across this art work from the lovely illustrator 🌜 yoga teacher]
It feels like what we are going through presently in 🇲🇾
Despite our best intentions, the struggle can be real!
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Just sharing some basic ways to cultivate ONE or little by little everyday #selfcarematters
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1. Nourishment
Eating and drinking what you need, cheat day included.
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2. Physical activity
Yoga and/or any other type of workout, new/existing hobbies.
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3. Spiritual Practice
Yoga, Meditation - any forms, Breath work, Time with Nature.
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4. Attitude
Always develop a sense of Gratitude.
Appreciate life - check in with family and/or friends.
Eg. Play/improvise secret Santa with dessert - Good one @jason_cmh82 😝
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5. Work / Life Balance
This is tricky for some who work from home but do able.
Lifestyle, not all work and no play, go around the above 1 - 4.
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This list is non exhaustive - share in comments.
But first take care of yourself, then you can support others.
In a plane, always put your own oxygen mask on first before you help others.
Let me know how can I help.
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Rest well for today, and Happy New Week ! #resilience Blessings, Grace
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#thewayoflife #gracereikipractioner
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Posted @withregram • illustrator 🌜 yoga teacher]
This is an illustration from my Pandemic book, and how I feel about 2020 + been burned out more over this last year and a half than not.
And had to let so much go because of it 😴 I've only had the capacity to do the things that are really important 😩
The realization that I haven't taken any time off since January 2020 led me to carve out two weeks in August to take off for myself 🔋🔋🔋hope you're taking care of your energy too 😴😁✨
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Be Who You Are, Not What Others Want You To Be!❤

Why are you single? When are you going to get married? When are you having kids? Why you don't have kids? Why is she/he divorced? What happened to them? Why are they like that? Why and why and why people like to ask these insensitive questions, being prejudice, stereotyping, speculates, gossips, and make inappropriate judgments.

How can you ask something that someone can't 100% control, just like death? Some things are unknown, it's like asking, when are you going to die? It's common sense. If you don't know this answer, means you won't know the exact why for such questions.

When someone is single by choice or it's not just the right time for them, let it be. So what if that person wants to be or will be single forever? It may be better for the person than being with the wrong partner for the rest of the person's life. You don't meddle with God's plan or even someone's choices. You can't force people to get into relationships, what's more marriage. If it is forced, how can a marriage be happy and whole? Love is a huge topic. Again it's not just about relationships and marriage.

People should not pretend to be stupid, play dumb, needy, spoiled, or fake just to attract/be with a life partner. Women and men should have their own intelligence, personality, independence, and truthfulness in life. We want to be real and genuine, and if someone wants us to be part of their life, it's better for them to know the real us from the get-go. Not presenting a false front.

A healthy relationship should be two individuals who love and care for each other, support, motivate, respect, be kind, honest, loyal, help, guide, communicate well, listen and give the very best to each other, by also being the best version of themselves. Not one person should be superior to the other or vice versa. If you feel forced and put yourself down for another person, you are probably in the wrong relationship.

Put aside status, education level, salary, or position in career, a partner and a healthy relationship should be side by side, be supportive, help each other, understand each other strengths and weaknesses, able to give and take/compromise, and open to learning from each other when it comes to marriage or any relationship.

A woman's or man's characteristics for example being soft or strong, and men prefer soft/more feminine women, and women who are less intelligent/educated than them, should not be generalized. Some men admire women who are intelligent/educated, strong, and independent and women have their preferences too. Different people are attracted to different traits. No one size fits all.

No one should pretend to be less than she/he is for the opposite partner to feel desirable or dominant. If a person desperately and constantly trying to boost their ego, be dominant or prove power especially in a relationship, this may lead to negative behavioral patterns and impacts such as emotional instability, harassment, abuse, bullying, verbal and physical violence, unhappiness, and depression.

We are all individuals in the end and have our differences. As a human being, one of the goals in life is trying to be better than we were yesterday. Trying to change ourselves for the sake of pleasing someone and pretending just to make someone feel happy or superior is not healthy and can jeopardize our own mental health and also the relationship in the long run.

If we want to change something, for example, I want to be more fitter, healthier, happier, smarter, financially independent, and so forth, it is for ourselves (without being selfish or self-absorbed). If we take care of ourselves first then we can take care of others better. Do for yourself and the motivation will be sustainable than doing for other people.

Respect and love yourself. Respect the people around you. Then we should not be degrading or intimidate anyone. This will make you a better person. We attract what we are.

Life is unique, so does human beings. Life itself is bigger than getting married, having kids, make tons of money, and so forth. This is the typical life cycles, stages and goals we all have learned in our life. The strong pressures in society dictate what is better and not just because that's what it is for the past generations have been. The pressure to fit in with society's standards and expectations is also there.

As a society and individual, let's understand deeper that not everyone will have the same life cycles and even life goals. There are things we can control and can't control. Not everything that is good for you is going to be good for other people. Having or not having something can be a blessing and sometimes only God knows why.

In life, some may walk their path of life and make choices completely different from us and that's perfectly fine. We all have our own unique journey and that makes us different, and we can use that differences to make life better for ourselves and the life of others.

Let this sink in.

#sfartography #rainbowpegasus #life #lifeadvice #motivation #relationships #marriage #begenuine #bereal #beyou

這是前些日子爆出已經被加拿大法院接理對藏傳佛教噶舉派法王的訟訴。（加拿大法院鏈接在此：https://www.bccourts.ca/jdb-txt/sc/21/09/2021BCSC0939cor1.htm?fbclid=IwAR2FLZlzmUIGTBaTuKPVchEqqngcE3Qy6G_C0TWNWVKa2ksbIYkVJVMQ8f8）

這位法王的桃色事件，我是幾年前才聽到。但，藏傳佛教的高層有這些性醜聞，我已經聽了幾十年。我以前的一位前女友也被一些堪布藉故上她的家摟抱過，也有一些活佛跟她表白。（這不只是她，其他地方我也聽過不少）

這是一個藏傳佛教裡面系統式的問題。

很多時候發生這種事情，信徒和教主往往都是說女方得不到寵而報仇，或者說她們也精神病，或者說她們撒謊。

我不排除有這種可能性，但，多過一位，甚至多位出來指證的時候，我是傾向於相信『沒有那麼巧這麼多有精神病的女人要撒謊來報仇』。

大寶法王的桃色事件，最先吹哨的是一位台灣的在家信徒，第二位是香港的女出家人，現在加拿大又多一位公開舉報上法庭。

對大寶法王信徒來說，這一次的比較麻煩，因為是有孩子的。（關於有孩子的，我早在法王的桃色事件曝光時，就有聽聞）

如果法庭勒令要驗證DNA，這對法王和他的信徒來說，會很尷尬和矛盾，因為做或不做，都死。

你若問我，我覺得『人數是有力量的』，同時我也覺得之後有更多的人站出來，是不出奇的。

我也藉此呼籲各方佛教徒，如果你們真的愛佛教，先別說批判，但如鴕鳥般不討論這些爭議，你是間接害了佛教。

（下面是我從加拿大法院鏈接拷貝下來的內容，當中有很多細節。）

Table of Contents

INTRODUCTION

BACKGROUND

ANALYSIS

A. The Spousal Support Claim in this Case

B. The Test to Amend Pleadings

C. Pleadings in Family Law Cases

D. The Legal Concept of a Marriage-Like Relationship

E. Is There a Reasonable Claim of a Marriage-Like Relationship?

F. Delay / Prejudice

CONCLUSION



INTRODUCTION
[1] The claimant applies to amend her notice of family claim to seek spousal support. At issue is whether the claimant’s allegations give rise to a reasonable claim she lived with the respondent in a marriage-like relationship, so as to give rise to a potential entitlement to spousal support under the Family Law Act, S.B.C. 2011, c. 25 (“FLA”).

[2] The facts alleged by the claimant do not fit within a traditional concept of marriage. The claimant does not allege that she and the respondent ever lived together. Indeed, she has only met the respondent in person four times: twice very briefly in a public setting; a third time in private, when she alleges the respondent sexually assaulted her; and a fourth and final occasion, when she informed the respondent she was pregnant with his child.

[3] The claimant’s case is that what began as a non-consensual sexual encounter evolved into a loving and affectionate relationship. That relationship occurred almost entirely over private text messages. The parties rarely spoke on the telephone, and never saw one another during the relationship, even over video. The claimant says they could not be together because the respondent is forbidden by his station and religious beliefs from intimate relationships or marriage. Nonetheless, she alleges, they formed a marriage-like relationship that lasted from January 2018 to January 2019.

[4] The respondent denies any romantic relationship with the claimant. While he acknowledges providing emotional and financial support to the claimant, he says it was for the benefit of the child the claimant told him was his daughter.

[5] The claimant’s proposed amendment raises a novel question: can a secret relationship that began on-line and never moved into the physical world be like a marriage? In my view, that question should be answered by a trial judge after hearing all of the evidence. The alleged facts give rise to a reasonable claim the claimant lived with the respondent in a marriage-like relationship. Accordingly, I grant the claimant leave to amend her notice of family claim.

BACKGROUND
[6] It should be emphasized that this is an application to amend pleadings only. The allegations by the claimant are presumed to be true for the purposes of this application. Those allegations have not been tested in a court of law.

[7] The respondent, Ogyen Trinley Dorje, is a high lama of the Karma Kagyu School of Tibetan Buddhism. He has been recognized and enthroned as His Holiness, the 17th Gyalwang Karmapa. Without meaning any disrespect, I will refer to him as Mr. Dorje in these reasons for judgment.

[8] Mr. Dorje leads a monastic and nomadic lifestyle. His true home is Tibet, but he currently resides in India. He receives followers from around the world at the Gyuto Monetary in India. He also travels the world teaching Tibetan Buddhist Dharma and hosting pujas, ceremonies at which Buddhists express their gratitude and devotion to the Buddha.

[9] The claimant, Vikki Hui Xin Han, is a former nun of Tibetan Buddhism. Ms. Han first encountered Mr. Dorje briefly at a large puja in 2014. The experience of the puja convinced Ms. Han she wanted to become a Buddhist nun. She met briefly with Mr. Dorje, in accordance with Kagyu traditions, to obtain his approval to become a nun.

[10] In October 2016, Ms. Han began a three-year, three-month meditation retreat at a monastery in New York State. Her objective was to learn the practices and teachings of the Kagyu Lineage. Mr. Dorje was present at the retreat twice during the time Ms. Han was at the monastery.

[11] Ms. Han alleges that on October 14, 2017, Mr. Dorje sexually assaulted her in her room at the monastery. She alleges that she became pregnant from the assault.

[12] After she learned that she was pregnant, Ms. Han requested a private audience with Mr. Dorje. In November 2017, in the presence of his bodyguards, Ms. Han informed Mr. Dorje she was pregnant with his child. Mr. Dorje initially denied responsibility; however, he provided Ms. Han with his email address and a cellphone number, and, according to Ms. Han, said he would “prepare some money” for her.

[13] Ms. Han abandoned her plan to become a nun, left the retreat and returned to Canada. She never saw Mr. Dorje again.

[14] After Ms. Han returned to Canada, she and Mr. Dorje began a regular communication over an instant messaging app called Line. They also exchanged emails and occasionally spoke on the telephone.

[15] The parties appear to have expressed care and affection for one another in these communications. I say “appear to” because it is difficult to fully understand the meaning and intentions of another person from brief text messages, especially those originally written in a different language. The parties wrote in a private shorthand, sharing jokes, emojis, cartoon portraits and “hugs” or “kisses”. Ms. Han was the more expressive of the two, writing more frequently and in longer messages. Mr. Dorje generally participated in response to questions or prompting from Ms. Han, sometimes in single word messages.

[16] Ms. Han deposes that she believed Mr. Dorje was in love with her and that, by January 2018, she and Mr. Dorje were living in a “conjugal relationship”.

[17] During their communications, Ms. Han expressed concern that her child would be “illegitimate”. She appears to have asked Mr. Dorje to marry her, and he appears to have responded that he was “not ready”.

[18] Throughout 2018, Mr. Dorje transferred funds in various denominations to Ms. Han through various third parties. Ms. Han deposes that these funds were:

a) $50,000 CDN to deliver the child and for postpartum care she was to receive at a facility in Seattle;

b) $300,000 CDN for the first year of the child’s life;

c) $20,000 USD for a wedding ring, because Ms. Han wrote “Even if we cannot get married, you must buy me a wedding ring”;

d) $400,000 USD to purchase a home for the mother and child.

[19] On June 19, 2018, Ms. Han gave birth to a daughter in Richmond, B.C.

[20] On September 17, 2018, Mr. Dorje wrote, ”Taking care of her and you are my duty for life”.

[21] Ms. Han’s expectation was that the parties would live together in the future. She says they planned to live together. Those plans evolved over time. Initially they involved purchasing a property in Toronto, so that Mr. Dorje could visit when he was in New York. They also discussed purchasing property in Calgary or renting a home in Vancouver for that purpose. Ms. Han eventually purchased a condominium in Richmond using funds provided by Mr. Dorje.

[22] Ms. Han deposes that the parties made plans for Mr. Dorje to visit her and meet the child in Richmond. In October 2018, however, Mr. Dorje wrote that he needed to “disappear” to Europe. He wrote:

I will definitely find a way to meet her

And you

Remember to take care of yourself if something happens

[23] The final plan the parties discussed, according to Ms. Han, was that Mr. Dorje would sponsor Ms. Han and the child to immigrate to the United States and live at the Kagyu retreat centre in New York State.

[24] In January 2019, Ms. Han lost contact with Mr. Dorje.

[25] Ms. Han commenced this family law case on July 17, 2019, seeking child support, a declaration of parentage and a parentage test. She did not seek spousal support.

[26] Ms. Han first proposed a claim for spousal support in October 2020 after a change in her counsel. Following an exchange of correspondence concerning an application for leave to amend the notice of family claim, Ms. Han’s counsel wrote that Ms. Han would not be advancing a spousal support claim. On March 16, 2020, counsel reversed course, and advised that Ms. Han had instructed him to proceed with the application.

[27] When this application came on before me, the trial was set to commence on June 7, 2021. The parties were still in the process of discoveries and obtaining translations for hundreds of pages of documents in Chinese characters.

[28] At a trial management conference on May 6, 2021, noting the parties were not ready to proceed, Madam Justice Walkem adjourned the trial to April 11, 2022.

ANALYSIS
A. The Spousal Support Claim in this Case
[29] To claim spousal support in this case, Ms. Han must plead that she lived with Mr. Dorje in a marriage-like relationship. This is because only “spouses” are entitled to spousal support, and s. 3 of the Family Law Act defines a spouse as a person who is married or has lived with another person in a marriage-like relationship:

3 (1) A person is a spouse for the purposes of this Act if the person

(a) is married to another person, or

(b) has lived with another person in a marriage-like relationship, and

(i) has done so for a continuous period of at least 2 years, or

(ii) except in Parts 5 [Property Division] and 6 [Pension Division], has a child with the other person.

[30] Because she alleges she has a child with Mr. Dorje, Ms. Han need not allege that the relationship endured for a continuous period of two years to claim spousal support; but she must allege that she lived in a marriage-like relationship with him at some point in time. Accordingly, she must amend the notice of family claim.

B. The Test to Amend Pleadings
[31] Given that the notice of trial has been served, Ms. Han requires leave of the court to amend the notice of family claim: Supreme Court Family Rule 8-1(1)(b)(i).

[32] A person seeking to amend a notice of family claim must show that there is a reasonable cause of action. This is a low threshold. What the applicant needs to establish is that, if the facts pleaded are proven at trial, they would support a reasonable claim. The applicant’s allegations of fact are assumed to be true for the purposes of this analysis. Cantelon v. Wall, 2015 BCSC 813, at para. 7-8.

[33] The applicant’s delay, the reasons for the delay, and the prejudice to the responding party are also relevant factors. The ultimate consideration is whether it would be just and convenient to allow the amendment. Cantelon, at para. 6, citing Teal Cedar Products Ltd. v. Dale Intermediaries Ltd. et al (1986), 19 B.C.L.R. (3d) 282.

C. Pleadings in Family Law Cases
[34] Supreme Court Family Rules 3-1(1) and 4-1(1) require that a claim to spousal support be pleaded in a notice of family claim in Form F3. Section 2 of Form F3, “Spousal relationship history”, requires a spousal support claimant to check the boxes that apply to them, according to whether they are or have been married or are or have been in a marriage-like relationship. Where a claimant alleges a marriage-like relationship, Form F3 requires that they provide the date on which they began to live together with the respondent in a marriage-like relationship and, where applicable, the date on which they separated. Form F3 does not require a statement of the factual basis for the claim of spousal support.

[35] In this case, Ms. Han seeks to amend the notice of family claim to allege that she and Mr. Dorje began to live in a marriage-like relationship in or around January 2018, and separated in or around January 2019.

[36] An allegation that a person lived with a claimant in a marriage-like relationship is a conclusion of law, not an allegation of fact. Unlike the rules governing pleadings in civil actions, however, the Supreme Court Family Rules do not expressly require family law claimants to plead the material facts in support of conclusions of law.

[37] In other words, there is no express requirement in the Supreme Court Family Rules that Ms. Han plead the facts on which she relies for the allegation she and Mr. Dorje lived in a marriage-like relationship.

[38] Rule 4-6 authorizes a party to demand particulars, and then apply to the court for an order for further and better particulars, of a matter stated in a pleading. However, unless and until she is granted leave and files the proposed amended notice of family claim, Ms. Han’s allegation of a marriage-like relationship is not a matter stated in a pleading.

[39] Ms. Han filed an affidavit in support of her application to amend the notice of family claim. Normally, evidence would not be required or admissible on an application to amend a pleading. However, in the unusual circumstances of this case, the parties agreed I may look to Ms. Han’s affidavit and exhibits for the facts she pleads in support of the allegation of a marriage-like relationship.

[40] Because this is an application to amend - and Ms. Han’s allegations of fact are presumed to be true - I have not considered Mr. Dorje’s responding affidavit.

[41] Relying on affidavit evidence for an application to amend pleadings is less than ideal. It tends to merge and confuse the material facts with the evidence that would be relied on to prove those facts. In a number of places in her affidavit, for example, Ms. Han describes her feelings, impressions and understandings. A person’s hopes and intentions are not normally material facts unless they are mutual or reasonably held. The facts on which Ms. Han alleges she and Mr. Dorje formed a marriage-like relationship are more important for the present purposes than her belief they entered into a conjugal union.

[42] Somewhat unusually, in this case, almost all of the parties’ relevant communications were in writing. This makes it somewhat easier to separate the facts from the evidence; however, as stated above, it is difficult to understand the intentions and actions of a person from brief text messages.

[43] In my view, it would be a good practice for applicants who seek to amend their pleadings in family law cases to provide opposing counsel and the court with a schedule of the material facts on which they rely for the proposed amendment.

D. The Legal Concept of a Marriage-Like Relationship
[44] As Mr. Justice Myers observed in Mother 1 v. Solus Trust Company, 2019 BCSC 200, the concept of a marriage-like relationship is elastic and difficult to define. This elasticity is illustrated by the following passage from Yakiwchuk v. Oaks, 2003 SKQB 124, quoted by Myers J. at para. 133 of Mother 1:

[10] Spousal relationships are many and varied. Individuals in spousal relationships, whether they are married or not, structure their relationships differently. In some relationships there is a complete blending of finances and property - in others, spouses keep their property and finances totally separate and in still others one spouse may totally control those aspects of the relationship with the other spouse having little or no knowledge or input. For some couples, sexual relations are very important - for others, that aspect may take a back seat to companionship. Some spouses do not share the same bed. There may be a variety of reasons for this such as health or personal choice. Some people are affectionate and demonstrative. They show their feelings for their “spouse” by holding hands, touching and kissing in public. Other individuals are not demonstrative and do not engage in public displays of affection. Some “spouses” do everything together - others do nothing together. Some “spouses” vacation together and some spend their holidays apart. Some “spouses” have children - others do not. It is this variation in the way human beings structure their relationships that make the determination of when a “spousal relationship” exists difficult to determine. With married couples, the relationship is easy to establish. The marriage ceremony is a public declaration of their commitment and intent. Relationships outside marriage are much more difficult to ascertain. Rarely is there any type of “public” declaration of intent. Often people begin cohabiting with little forethought or planning. Their motivation is often nothing more than wanting to “be together”. Some individuals have chosen to enter relationships outside marriage because they did not want the legal obligations imposed by that status. Some individuals have simply given no thought as to how their relationship would operate. Often the date when the cohabitation actually began is blurred because people “ease into” situations, spending more and more time together. Agreements between people verifying when their relationship began and how it will operate often do not exist.

[45] In Mother 1, Mr. Justice Myers referred to a list of 22 factors grouped into seven categories, from Maldowich v. Penttinen, (1980), 17 R.F.L. (2d) 376 (Ont. Dist. Ct.), that have frequently been cited in this and other courts for the purpose of determining whether a relationship was marriage-like, at para. 134 of Mother 1:

1. Shelter:

(a) Did the parties live under the same roof?

(b) What were the sleeping arrangements?

(c) Did anyone else occupy or share the available accommodation?

2. Sexual and Personal Behaviour:

(a) Did the parties have sexual relations? If not, why not?

(b) Did they maintain an attitude of fidelity to each other?

(c) What were their feelings toward each other?

(d) Did they communicate on a personal level?

(e) Did they eat their meals together?

(f) What, if anything, did they do to assist each other with problems or during illness?

(g) Did they buy gifts for each other on special occasions?

3. Services:

What was the conduct and habit of the parties in relation to:

(a) preparation of meals;

(b) washing and mending clothes;

(c) shopping;

(d) household maintenance; and

(e) any other domestic services?

4. Social:

(a) Did they participate together or separately in neighbourhood and community activities?

(b) What was the relationship and conduct of each of them toward members of their respective families and how did such families behave towards the parties?

5. Societal:

What was the attitude and conduct of the community toward each of them and as a couple?

6. Support (economic):

(a) What were the financial arrangements between the parties regarding the provision of or contribution toward the necessaries of life (food, clothing, shelter, recreation, etc.)?

(b) What were the arrangements concerning the acquisition and ownership of property?

(c) Was there any special financial arrangement between them which both agreed would be determinant of their overall relationship?

7. Children:

What was the attitude and conduct of the parties concerning children?

[46] In Austin v. Goerz, 2007 BCCA 586, the Court of Appeal cautioned against a “checklist approach”; rather, a court should "holistically" examine all the relevant factors. Cases like Molodowich provide helpful indicators of the sorts of behaviour that society associates with a marital relationship, the Court of Appeal said; however, “the presence or absence of any particular factor cannot be determinative of whether a relationship is marriage-like” (para. 58).

[47] In Weber v. Leclerc, 2015 BCCA 492, the Court of Appeal again affirmed that there is no checklist of characteristics that will be found in all marriages and then concluded with respect to evidence of intentions:

[23] The parties’ intentions – particularly the expectation that the relationship will be of lengthy, indeterminate duration – may be of importance in determining whether a relationship is “marriage-like”. While the court will consider the evidence expressly describing the parties’ intentions during the relationship, it will also test that evidence by considering whether the objective evidence is consonant with those intentions.

[24] The question of whether a relationship is “marriage-like” will also typically depend on more than just their intentions. Objective evidence of the parties’ lifestyle and interactions will also provide direct guidance on the question of whether the relationship was “marriage-like”.

[48] Significantly for this case, the courts have looked to mutual intent in order to find a marriage-like relationship. See, for example, L.E. v. D.J., 2011 BCSC 671 and Buell v. Unger, 2011 BCSC 35; Davey Estate v. Gruyaert, 2005 CarswellBC 3456 at 13 and 35.

[49] In Mother 1, Myers J. concluded his analysis of the law with the following learned comment:

[143] Having canvassed the law relating to the nature of a marriage-like relationship, I will digress to point out the problematic nature of the concept. It may be apparent from the above that determining whether a marriage-like relationship exists sometimes seems like sand running through one's fingers. Simply put, a marriage-like relationship is akin to a marriage without the formality of a marriage. But as the cases mentioned above have noted, people treat their marriages differently and have different conceptions of what marriage entails.

[50] In short, the determination of whether the parties in this case lived in a marriage-like relationship is a fact-specific inquiry that a trial judge would need to make on a “holistic” basis, having regard to all of the evidence. While the trial judge may consider the various factors listed in the authorities, those factors would not be treated as a checklist and no single factor or category of factors would be treated as being decisive.

E. Is There a Reasonable Claim of a Marriage-Like Relationship?
[51] In this case, many of the Molodowich factors are missing:

a) The parties never lived under the same roof. They never slept together. They were never in the same place at the same time during the relationship. The last time they saw each other in person was in November 2017, before the relationship began.

b) The parties never had consensual sex. They did not hug, kiss or hold hands. With the exception of the alleged sexual assault, they never touched one another physically.

c) The parties expressed care and affection for one another, but they rarely shared personal information or interest in their lives outside of their direct topic of communication. They did not write about their families, their friends, their religious beliefs or their work.

d) They expressed concern and support for one another when the other felt unwell or experienced health issues, but they did not provide any care or assistance during illness or other problems.

e) They did not assist one another with domestic chores.

f) They did not share their relationship with their peers or their community. There is no allegation, for example, that Mr. Dorje told his fellow monks or any of his followers about the relationship. There is no allegation that Ms. Han told her friends or any co-workers. Indeed, there is no allegation that anyone, with the exception of Ms. Han’s mother, knew about the relationship. Although Mr. Dorje gave Ms. Han’s mother a gift, he never met the mother and he never spoke to her.

g) They did not intend to have a child together. The child was conceived as a result of a sexual assault. While Mr. Dorje expressed interest in “meeting” the child, he never followed up. He currently has no relationship with the child. There is no allegation he has sought access or parenting arrangements.

[52] The only Molodowich factor of any real relevance in this case is economic support. Mr. Dorje provided the funds with which Ms. Han purchased a condominium. Mr. Dorje initially wrote that he wanted to buy a property with the money, but, he wrote, “It’s the same thing if you buy [it]”.

[53] Mr. Dorje also provided a significant amount of money for Ms. Han’s postpartum care and the child’s first year of life.

[54] This financial support may have been primarily for the benefit of the child. Even the condominium, Ms. Han wrote, was primarily for the benefit of the child.

[55] However, in my view, a trial judge may attach a broader significance to the financial support from Mr. Dorje than child support alone. A trial judge may find that the money Mr. Dorje provided to Ms. Han at her request was an expression of his commitment to her in circumstances in which he could not commit physically. The money and the gifts may be seen by the trial judge to have been a form of down payment by Mr. Dorje on a promise of continued emotional and financial support for Ms. Han, or, in Mr. Dorje’s own words, “Taking care of her and you are my duty for life” (emphasis added).

[56] On the other hand, I find it difficult to attach any particular significance to the fact that Mr. Dorje agreed to provide funds for Ms. Han to purchase a wedding ring. It appears to me that Ms. Han demanded that Mr. Dorje buy her a wedding ring, not that the ring had any mutual meaning to the parties as a marriage symbol. But it is relevant, in my view, that Mr. Dorje provided $20,000 USD to Ms. Han for something she wanted that was of no benefit to the child.

[57] Further, Ms. Han alleges that the parties intended to live together. At a minimum, a trial judge may find that the discussions about where Ms. Han and the child would live reflected a mutual intention of the parties to see one another and spend time together when they could.

[58] Mr. Dorje argues that an intention to live together at some point in the future is not sufficient to show that an existing relationship was marriage-like. He argues that the question of whether the relationship was marriage-like requires more than just intentions, citing Weber, supra.

[59] In my view, the documentary evidence referred to above provides some objective evidence in this case that the parties progressed beyond mere intentions. As stated, the parties appear to have expressed genuine care and affection for one another. They appear to have discussed marriage, trust, honesty, finances, mutual obligations and acquiring family property. These are not matters one would expect Mr. Dorje to discuss with a friend or a follower, or even with the mother of his child, without a marriage-like element of the relationship.

[60] A trial judge may find on the facts alleged by Ms. Han that the parties loved one another and would have lived together, but were unable to do so because of Mr. Dorje’s religious duties and nomadic lifestyle.

[61] The question I raised in the introduction to these reasons is whether a relationship that began on-line and never moved into the physical world can be marriage-like.

[62] Notably, the definition of a spouse in the Family Law Act does not require that the parties live together, only that they live with another person in a marriage-like relationship.

[63] In Connor Estate, 2017 BCSC 978, Mr. Justice Kent found that a couple that maintained two entirely separate households and never lived under the same roof formed a marriage-like relationship. (Connor Estate was decided under the intestacy provisions of the Wills, Estates and Succession Act, S.B.C. 2009, c. 13 ("WESA"), but courts have relied on cases decided under WESA and the FLA interchangeably for their definitions of a spouse.) Mr. Justice Kent found:

[50] The evidence is overwhelming and I find as a fact that Mr. Chambers and Ms. Connor loved and cared deeply about each other, and that they had a loving and intimate relationship for over 20 years that was far more than mere friendship or even so-called "friendship with benefits". I accept Mr. Chambers' evidence that he would have liked to share a home with Ms. Connor after the separation from his wife, but was unable to do so because of Ms. Connor's hoarding illness. The evidence amply supports, and I find as a fact, that Mr. Chambers and Ms. Connor loved each other, were faithful to each other, communicated with each other almost every day when they were not together, considered themselves to be (and presented themselves to be) "husband and wife" and were accepted by all who knew them as a couple.

[64] Connor Estate may be distinguishable from this case because Mr. Chambers and Ms. Connor were physically intimate for over 20 years, and presented themselves to the world as a married couple.

[65] Other decisions in which a marriage-like relationship has been found to exist despite the parties not living together have involved circumstances in which the couple lived under the same roof at previous points in the relationship, and the issue was whether they continued to be spouses after they took up separate residences: in Thompson v. Floyd, 2001 BCCA 78, the parties had lived together for a period of at least 11 years; in Roach v. Dutra, 2010 BCCA 264, the parties had lived together for approximately three years.

[66] However, as Mr. Justice Kent noted in Connor Estate:

[48] … [W]hile much guidance might be found in this case law, the simple fact is that no two cases are identical (and indeed they usually vary widely) and it is the assessment of evidence as a whole in this particular case which matters.

[67] Mr. Justice Kent concluded:

[53] Like human beings themselves, marriage-like relationships can come in many and various shapes. In this particular case, I have no doubt that such a relationship existed …

[68] As stated, Ms. Han’s claim is novel. It may even be weak. Almost all of the traditional factors are missing. The fact that Ms. Han and Mr. Dorje never lived under the same roof, never shared a bed and never even spent time together in person will militate against a finding they lived with one another in a marriage-like relationship. However, the traditional factors are not a mandatory check-list that confines the “elastic” concept of a marriage-like relationship. And if the COVID pandemic has taught us nothing else, it is that real relationships can form, blossom and end in virtual worlds.

[69] In my view, the merits of Ms. Han’s claim should be decided on the evidence. Subject to an overriding prejudice to Mr. Dorje, she should have leave to amend the notice of family claim. However, she should also provide meaningful particulars of the alleged marriage-like relationship.

F. Delay / Prejudice
[70] Ms. Han filed her notice of family claim on July 17, 2019. She brought this application to amend approximately one year and nine months after she filed the pleading, just over two months before the original trial date.

[71] Ms. Han’s delay was made all that more remarkable by her change in position from January 19, 2021, when she confirmed, through counsel, that she was not seeking spousal support in this case.

[72] Ms. Han gave notice of her intention to proceed with this application to Mr. Dorje on March 16, 2021. By the time the application was heard, the parties had conducted examinations for discovery without covering the issues that would arise from a claim of spousal support.

[73] Also, in April, Ms. Han produced additional documents, primarily text messages, that may be relevant to her claim of spousal support, but were undecipherable to counsel for Mr. Dorje, who does not read Mandarin.

[74] This application proceeded largely on documents selected and translated by counsel for Ms. Han. I was informed that Mandarin translations of the full materials would take 150 days.

[75] Understandably in the circumstances, Mr. Dorje argued that an amendment two months before trial would be neither just nor convenient. He argued that he would be prejudiced by an adjournment so as to allow Ms. Han to advance a late claim of spousal support.

[76] The circumstances changed on May 6, 2021, when Madam Justice Walkem adjourned the trial to July 2022 and reset it for 25 days. Madam Justice Walkem noted that most of the witnesses live internationally and require translators. She also noted that paternity may be in issue, and Mr. Dorje may amend his pleadings to raise that issue. It seems clear that, altogether apart from the potential spousal support claim, the parties were not ready to proceed to trial on June 7, 2021.

[77] In my view, any remaining prejudice to Mr. Dorje is outweighed by the importance of having all of the issues between the parties decided on their merits.

[78] Ms. Han’s delay and changes of position on spousal support may be a matter to de addressed in a future order of costs; but they are not grounds on which to deny her leave to amend the notice of family claim.

CONCLUSION
[79] Ms. Han is granted leave to amend her notice of family claim in the form attached as Appendix A to the notice of application to include a claim for spousal support.

[80] Within 21 days, or such other deadline as the parties may agree, Ms. Han must provide particulars of the marriage-like relationship alleged in the amended notice of family claim.

[81] Ms. Han is entitled to costs of this application in the cause of the spousal support claim.

“Master Elwood”

李杰明 W.M.L Playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL_BJh1Mu7PPeS2THyw0DMZOYBOhYS2EAx
李杰明 W.M.L IG: https://www.instagram.com/wmlhiphop/
SKRpresents IG: https://www.instagram.com/skrpresents/
Listen: https://www.soundscape.net/a/10926
___________________________________________
詞：李杰明 W.M.L
曲：李杰明 W.M.L
編制：陶山 Skot Suyama
導演：Michael Li

閉嘴
Shut Up

你永遠都在追求完美 應該很累吧？
You're always chasing perfection, isn't it tiring?
滿肚子積滿苦水 順便抱怨社會不公留下淚水
Always complaining how society didn't give you a fair chance
看不見眼前的食物 剩貪婪的嘴
You can't see what you have, you just want more
不停的比較 但你也不曾後悔
competing with everyone, never looking within yourself
贏過所有的人 一切變得真美
Out win everybody, everything seems perfect
臉漲紅的將軍 看似不曾敗北
Like a general who never loses a fight
可惜輸給自己 是他人生結尾
But ends up losing everybody in his life

是不是 懶得比較就是怪胎
If I don't want to compete, does that mean I'm a freak?
是不是 孩子問出父母回答不出來的問題就不算乖
If I ask a question that you cannot answer, does that mean I'm attacking you?
是不是 我們追求讓自己快樂的事就不應該
If I only want to chase something that I like, does that mean I'm a loser?
是不是 我們聽得見社會的聲音其實就是悲哀
If I always have doubts for society, does that mean I'm wrong?

操你的 社會的規則
Screw your society value
道理呢？ 白鴿也飛了
Logic flew out the window
罩子裡 放不亮的灰塵
Too dusty, can't see clear
到底 該如何背著
How do I go on?

那麼多的壓力 那麼多的恐懼 那麼多的貶意
So much pressure, so much fear and discrimination
那麼多的禁慾 那麼多的正義
So much morality, so much justice
快要撐不下去 快要無法駕馭 快要變得躁鬱
I can't take it, I'm turning into a manic
快要變成烙印 快要形成報應
It burns me and haunts me
人們壓抑所有慾望從而宿醉
Humans press down all these desires and become sick
追求社會的完美卻融合誤會
Chasing that perfect image in society we misunderstand ourselves
檯面上那些演講者穿鑿附會
All the high class people misleading us
已經窒息卻還在意榮華富貴
We are suffocating but still chasing success
人類瘋了 整天生活在
Humans are crazy
沒有空氣 沒有憧憬 的規則裡
We all live in the presets that society put us into
當我歌詞攻擊 思想衝擊 你被抨擊
When you feel all my thoughts are attacking you
恭喜！王八躲在社會的龜殼裡！
Then congratulations, I think you are the society guy that I'm talking about

你盲目追隨社會有點莫名
Chasing what everybody thinks makes you cool
批評所有與你不同的作息
Judgmental to all the people who are awoken
你拼命反過來質疑我邏輯
And bullying my independent thinking
那這時候我想我只能請你
Then I have to ask you to please

閉嘴 閉嘴 我說 我說 請你 閉嘴 閉嘴
Shut up shut up! Please can you shut up shut up!
我說 我說 請你 閉嘴 閉嘴
Please can you shut up shut up!
我說 我說 請你 閉嘴 閉嘴 都給我閉嘴
Please can you shut up shut up!

人類喜歡 假裝高尚 趾高氣昂 講話高亢
Humans like to put up a front, talking from higher ground
外表亮麗 道德淪喪 潔白無瑕 思想毁謗
Dressed perfectly but their thoughts are all messed up
不停比較 你我身上 表裡不一 正常情況
Keep competing with who has the better society image
江湖騙子 完美形象 這種形象 不負眾望
Don't care what you really have in your life
一堆人類喜歡 裝窮我不愛錢 裝窮我不愛錢 裝窮我不愛錢
A lot of people like to say that they are born poor and hustling , but then say they don't care about money like a poser
邏輯錯了 如果你真的是出身貧窮
The logic's wrong! If you are really born poor
如果你真的是出身貧窮 你會謹慎用錢 而不是不愛錢
If you are really born poor, you will be hustle for money, not don't care about money

你盲目追隨社會有點莫名
Chasing what everybody thinks makes you cool
批評所有與你不同的作息
Judgmental to all the people who are awoken
你拼命反過來質疑我邏輯
And bullying my independent thinking
那這時候我想我只能請你
Then I have to ask you to please

閉嘴 閉嘴 我說 我說 請你 閉嘴 閉嘴
Shut up shut up! Please can you shut up shut up!
我說 我說 請你 閉嘴 閉嘴
Please can you shut up shut up!
我說 我說 請你 閉嘴 閉嘴 都給我閉嘴
Please can you shut up shut up!


我們都是怪胎 但不是壞人
We are all freaks, but we are not bad people
寫了這首歌 我也不是為了害人
Writing this song, its not for hurting people
只是不想再忍 人類太蠢
I just cannot take the expectation
你從來就不懂尊重卻說自己有能力去愛人
You never respect individuality but say that you love humanity
未免太扯 你們愛面子勝過愛你們家人
That's crap, you love your fake loving image more than anyone
你只在乎社會如何看待我們
You only care how others see you
你不在乎 我們是不是真實的活在你的愛戴裡頭
You don't care are any of us really living our best lives?
拜託 拜託 我們要的東西其實也不多
Come on, we don't ask much
拜託 拜託 不用了解我也不用替我訴說
Come on, don't try to speak for us anymore
拜託 拜託 給予我們空間不要再囉唆
Come on, give us space to be ourselves
太多 太多 聲音逼著我們必須要掙脫
Too many voices and expectations that we have to fight off
如果你們覺得我們擺高姿態我很卑鄙
If you think that I'm putting myself higher in this song
故意反社會不理人想讓別人生氣
That I'm trying to fight everything just to piss you off
我現在就告訴你你是錯的不要不信
Let me tell you I'm not
我攻擊是因為你們不尊重我的個性
I attack because you attack and disrespect me first
我 原本也不需要那麼多的距離
I just need the respectful distance
我 不要社會觀念在我腦裡聚集
I don't want you to brainwash me with your value
我 不在乎你們想傳遞什麼訊息
I don't want you to tell me your way of living
我 只是想正常的活著所以請你
I just want to find my own way so please

閉嘴 閉嘴 我說 我說 請你 閉嘴 閉嘴
Shut up shut up! Please can you shut up shut up!
我說 我說 請你 閉嘴 閉嘴
Please can you shut up shut up!
我說 我說 請你 閉嘴 閉嘴 都給我閉嘴
Please can you shut up shut up!
___________________________________________
導演/BloodFlow DP：Michael Li 李可揚
副導/製片Producer: 廖士元
Casting / Styling: Renée Chen 陳嘉唯
舞者：
林維哲
林棋清
Lilien莉莉安
Chloé
麥恪爾
Title Design: 陳昱晨Chensport
側拍劇照：施郡欽 Lewis Shih
Backing Vocals：陳忻玥 Vicky Chen

Talk to someone
Philippines
Philippine Suicide Prevention Hotline (Hopeline)
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United States
Crisis Text Line
If you are in crisis, reach out for help. Text REASON to 741741.

http://www.crisistextline.org

Free, 24/7, confidential.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
DIAL: 1-800-273-8255

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

United Kingdom
Samaritans
DIAL: 116123 (free)

http://www.samaritans.org

Childline
DIAL: 0800 1111 (free)

http://www.childline.org.uk

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Call 0808 802 9999 (12 noon - 2.30pm and 7 - 9.30pm every day of the year) or visit http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk for local specialist services.

Australia
For immediate help
Contact 000 if it is an emergency

Lifeline
DIAL: 13 11 14

http://lifeline.org.au

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DIAL: 1300 659 467

http://suicidecallbackservice.org.au

headspace
DIAL: 1800 650 890

http://headspace.org.au

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DIAL: 1800 55 1800

http://kidshelpline.com.au/kids

ReachOut
http://au.reachout.com

“The only journey is the journey within.” – Rainer Maria Rilke

“Just because you don’t understand it doesn’t mean it isn’t so.” – Lemony Snicket, The Blank Book

“Mental health…is not a destination, but a process. It’s about how you drive, not where you’re going.” – Noam Shpancer, PhD

“Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary.” – Fred Rogers

“If we start being honest about our pain, our anger, and our shortcomings instead of pretending they don’t exist, then maybe we’ll leave the world a better place than we found it.” – Russell Wilson

“Some of the most comforting words in the universe are ‘me too.’ That moment when you find out that your struggle is also someone else’s struggle, that you’re not alone, and that others have been down the same road.” – Unknown

“I fight for my health every day in ways most people don’t understand. I’m not lazy. I’m a warrior.”

“Don’t give in to stigma. A diagnosis does not determine who you are or what you can do!”

“Don’t let your struggle become your identity.”

“The strongest people are those who win battles we know nothing about.” –

“The problem with having problems is that ‘someone’ always has it worse.” Tiffany Madison, Black and White

“What mental health needs is more sunlight, more candor, and more unashamed conversation.”
Glenn Close

“Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary.”
Fred Rogers

“Just because you don’t understand it doesn’t mean it isn’t so.”
Lemony Snicket

“Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
 Joubert Botha

“One small crack does not mean that you are broken, it means that you were put to the test and you didn’t fall apart.”
Linda Poindexter

I cannot stand the words “Get over it”. All of us are under such pressure to put our problems in the past tense. Slow down. Don’t allow other to hurry your healing. It is a process, one that may take years, occasionally, even a lifetime – and that’s OK.”
Beau Taplin

“She is beautiful piece of broken pottery, put back together by her own hands. And a critical world judges her cracks while missing the beauty of how she made herself whole again.”
J.M. Storm

Some days I am more wolf than woman, and I am still learning how to stop apologizing for my wild.”
Nikita Gill

“You don’t have to be positive all the time. It’s perfectly okay to feel sad, angry, annoyed, frustrated, scared and anxious. Having feelings doesn’t make you a negative person. It makes you human.”
Lori Deschene

“Out of all the things I have lost, I miss my mind the most.”
Mark Twain

“Nobody can save you but yourself, and you’re worth saving. It’s a war not easily won, but if anything is worth winning then this is it.”
Charles Bukowski

“Sometimes self care is exercise and eating right. Sometimes it’s spending time with loved ones or taking a nap. And sometimes it’s watching an entire season of TV in one weekend while you lounge around in your pajamas. Whatever soothes your soul.”
Nanea Hoffman

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross


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