《婚姻不是賣身契》(English version below)
常常聽到女客人女學生說，老公看不起她們、不允許她們做想做的事、嫌棄她們的外貌、不尊敬她們的意見、不善待她們的父母，等等不公平的對待。
這真讓吾疑惑了。婚前怎麼沒先把「產品」檢驗好，就下手進貨呢？現在工廠又拒絕退貨，便只能跑來向玳瑚師父吐苦水了。（一笑）
吾常告訴她們，業障比較重的人才投胎做女人。女人得經過至少四十年的生理期，不但因生孩子而身材走樣，還得做工養家。回到家又是監督孩子讀書，又是做家務，又是哄老公，氣喘如牛，沒有了自己。
要遇到一個可靠又可愛的男人，不容易。
玳瑚師父年少時曾轟轟烈烈地談過幾場戀愛，其實，要遇到一個可靠又可愛的女人一樣也很難。（苦笑）
言歸正傳⋯⋯
待在家裡看孩子，被先生嫌，對家計沒貢獻。
想追求自己的夢想，先生問，孩子誰來顧？
把髒衣服丟在地上，太太撿起，太太沒空掃地，先生不幫忙，還責備與埋怨。
委託先生買衛生棉，先生卻非常排斥，說是「髒東西」！吾想，明明還未使用，和買廁紙有何不同？當枕頭睡都行！這真是迷信到糊塗了。
好的姻緣，需要福份。
學佛消業障，爲自己和家人增福增慧，更需要上乘的福份。
我們都該選擇，做個有福氣的人。
女學生當中，也有先生阻止她們來學佛，說是怕她們越來越迷信。
更有女學生說：「師父，我怕我先生會跟著我來，找你麻煩！」
孩子，別怕，師父蠻能打的，哈哈哈！但吾是君子，而且還是修行人，動口不動手。
女人，自己要爭氣，要長智慧。
妳雖然對老公說了「我願意」，與他共同組織一個家庭，但試問，如果妳命運不好，又或者曾經殺生墮胎，他願意幫妳代業嗎？
如果妳事業運差，處處碰壁，妳先生願意把他的福份割給你，而自己沒工作嗎？
如果妳父母健康亮起紅燈，妳先生願意幫她他們祈福消病業嗎？
就算他能，妳就該讓他承受這一切嗎？不是說好，愛他嗎？
自己的命，自己負責。自己的業障，自己消。
我們可以選擇逃避，或委曲求全，但這姻緣不佳的業障，一日不消，妳的幸福一日都祇是自欺欺人罷了。
人與人之間，要多耐心溝通，才能避免誤會。
向玳瑚師父學習，就是學智慧。
吾也曾因爲學生沒有改善自己的德行，沒有捍衛吾，而讓她他家人誤會向吾學佛，浪費人生。
這真是師父引進門，修行在個人，徒兒不肖，殃及師父。
婚姻不該把兩個人綁得死死的，也不該帶著威脅性。這不是真愛。
婚姻，必須給予彼此適當的空間去成長，去做彼此喜歡的事。
先生允許太太去學佛，這功德他也有，因爲他成就了妳。
妳學得好，他的功德就更大，很多生活上的難題都能迎刃而解，只因爲有功德，好運不請便自來。
同樣的，如果先生阻止太太學佛，解脫輪迴，這過失也非常大，恐已種下下地獄的因。
吾不會因爲別人的意見，而左右吾教學的道心。
當吾一直勸一個人來學佛時，必定是因爲吾已看出她他未來的命運有多麼的難堪，想伸出援手去救她他。
風水命理不能解決所有人世間的煩惱，唯有佛法才可以。
但如果她他還是決定鬆開吾的手，往熾熱的火坑裡跳，吾也不會難過。
吾已盡心盡力，成敗如何，一切隨緣。
其實根本也沒有成或敗。除了超越生死以外，這人間本來就無事，有事，也是妳你自己拿繩子往身上五花大綁罷了。
.....................
I often hear from my female clients and students, that their husbands look down on them, disallow them to do what they wish, despise their appearances, disrespect their opinions, mistreat their parents, etc.
This really got me perturbed. Why didn't they do a thorough check on the "product", before placing an order? Now that the factory does not accept refund, they can only run to Master Dai Hu to pour out their sorrows. (laughs)
I often tell them, people with more negative karma get to be reborn as women. Women have to undergo at least 4 decades of menstrual cycles. Not only do they sacrifice their hour figures for their children, they still have to work to pay the bills.
When they get home after a long of work, they have to supervise the children in their studies, do the chores and make the husband happy. At the end of the day, they pant like a water buffalo, and lose themselves.
It is not easy to meet a man who is reliable and adorable.
Actually, Master Dai Hu had his fair share of relationships in his younger days. It is just as difficult to find a lady who is reliable and adorable. (bitter laugh)
I digress...
When a woman stays at home to look after the children, the husband laments that she does not contribute to the household income.
When she wishes to pursue her dreams, the husband asks, who is going to look after the children?
When dirty clothes are thrown carelessly on the floor, she picks them up for laundry. Yet when she has no time to sweep the floor, the husband does not help but scolds and finds fault with her instead.
When she asks the husband for help in purchasing sanitary napkins, the husband finds it repulsive, and claimed that those are "dirty" things!
That gets me thinking. How is unused sanitary napkins different from buying toilet paper? One can even use them as pillows! This is truly superstitious at its worst.
A good marriage requires good fortune.
To learn Buddhism, and eradicate negative karma, helping the entire family to boost its wisdom and fortune, calls for even higher fortune.
We should all choose to be people of good fortune.
Among my female students, there are husbands who prevent them from learning Buddhism, as they worry about their wives becoming overly superstitious.
There are also female students that said, "Master, I worry that my husband will tag along with me and find trouble with you!"
My child, don't fear, Master is quite adept at street fighting. Hahaha! But I am a gentleman, and a Buddhist practitioner, who uses his eloquence, and not his fists.
A woman must stand up for herself and grow her wisdom.
Although you said "I do" to your husband, and form a family together with him, ask yourself, if you have a poor destiny, or has aborted and killed, will your husband take over your karma?
If your career is floundering, and runs into a brick wall everywhere, will your husband be willing to shave off his good fortune for you, and suffer a poor career instead?
If the health of your parents plummets, will your husband seek blessings for them, and eradicate their sickness karma?
Even if he can, should you let him undertake all these? Didn't you said you love him?
We are responsible for our own destinies. We have to be the ones to eradicate our negative karma.
Sure, we can choose to run away or compromise ourselves, but the bad karma of a poor marriage will remain, and the so-called happily ever after is just a sham and self-deception at its best.
The channels of communication should always be open and constant, to prevent misunderstandings.
When you learn from Master Dai Hu, you are learning wisdom.
I have been misunderstood by families of my students, when my students did not improve in their moral conduct and speak up for me. Their families would think that learning the Dharma from me was a waste of life.
Just like you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink, the master initiates the apprentices but their skill depends on their own efforts.
When they fail to, they put their teacher into hot water.
A marriage should not be a kidnap of each other's freedom. Nor should it be built on the foundation of threats. This is not true love.
There should be sufficient space for each other to grow and pursue what they like.
When the husband allows his wife to learn the Dharma, he would partake in the merits generated. Because his permission contributes to her accomplishment.
When the wife gets really good at what she learns, his merits would snowball. Many challenging issues in life would be resolved readily, as good luck comes uninvited when merits are plentiful.
Similarly, when the husband prevents his wife from learning Buddhism, to break free from the clutches of reincarnation, this is a grave mistake that plants the seed to Hell.
My commitment to impart the teachings of Buddha will not be swayed by the frivolous reasons of others.
When I repeatedly advise you to come and learn the Dharma, it must be because I foresee the hardships ahead in your Destiny, and I wish to lend a helping hand to you.
Chinese Metaphysics will not solve all problems in this mortal world. Only the Dharma has this ability.
Should you decide to let go of my hand, and throw yourself into the scorching fire pit, I will not be sad either.
I had already done my best. The end result, be it success or failure, is all up to Fate.
The truth is, there is no success or failure. Other than liberation from reincarnation, nothing truly matters in this human world. If you think it matters, that is because you choose to pick up the rope, loop it around your neck and tie your arms behind your back.
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