關於 sad love story book ，我們在網路上蒐集到這些相關的討論、資訊與評價

這首歌十年了... 厲害，我還沒死。

【歌詞版 高清YouTube】：https://bit.ly/2NVDibR
【我還是我I AM WHO I AM 高清版YouTube】: https://bit.ly/2ZIgYb0

我還是我
I am Who I am

我的名字 叫明志 這個自我介紹方式
My name is Namewee this is how I introduce myself

從小老師 就認為我是想要惹事
My teachers always thought I was looking for trouble

我熱愛文字 我討厭公式 我不想面對考試
I love literature but I hate the school system and all its exams

我更討厭你規定我的頭髮款式
I get annoyed when people comment on my hair style

我的思考方式 沒有人能夠抑制
I was born with a mind that is beyond the control of others

大人都固執的怪我固執 不懂事
Adult always blamed me for being stubborn & naive

我明白 待人處事都有 它的模式
I realized our society has its way of life

但不代表 全部人都要變成孔子
But that doesn’t mean all of us must become Confucius

十五歲 那年初我染上音樂的毒
Age of 15 I discovered the joy of music

我透過音符 來降低我內心的無助
Through its notes I find ways to express my thoughts

我學習美術 但依然無法省悟
I tried picking up art but it could not hold my inner feelings

是孤獨創造梵谷 還是梵谷創造孤獨
Was loneliness created Van Gogh or Van Gogh created loneliness?

中學畢業後 華人得自求多福
Upon finishing high school Chinese must find ways to further their studies

揮揮衣袖 我決定要到台灣留宿
Faced with challenges I decided to pursue my education in Taiwan

爸爸媽媽不要擔心 我不會辜負
Don’t worry mom and dad I promise not to fail you

等我讀完書 一定會回到歸屬
I will return to my beloved home when I graduate

我會好好過 我必須好好過
I will be fine I must stay strong

想家的時候 我就打開電腦拼命創作
When I lone for home I turn on my PC and started writing

牆壁上的大馬國旗 是我的寄託
My Malaysian flag on the wall keeping my spirit alive

床頭的那張全家福 總是讓我振作
My family portrait beside my bed keeping my strong

一個人 在外國 要獨立生活
As a foreigner living in a strange country I learn to become independent

我做過很多工作 我面對很多數落
I took up many jobs to pay my bills and tuition fees

無論再辛苦 還有音樂陪著我
When times were tough at least I still had my music with me

我理想沒有變 因為我 還是我
My dream did not change, I am still who I am

我有我自己的夢 自己會走
I have my own dream I will keep going

就算再寂寞
Even it’s a lonely path

請原諒我的衝動 我會好好過
Please forgive me for being impulsive, I will be fine

(相信我還是我)
Believe me I am still who I am

我不怕暴雨狂風 將我淹沒
I’m not afraid the obstacles cos it will not drown me

毅然往前走
I will keep moving forward

就算旅途再癲頗 我不能回頭
Even if it is a journey of no return I will not give up

(相信我還是我)
Believe me I am still who I am

2007 年 那是個遲來的夏天
Summer came late in the year 2007

改編國歌事件 讓我人生從此改變
My life was forever changed with my national anthem song

透過網際網絡 我闖了禍
I got into trouble through the cyber space

但我堅持沒有犯錯 有人 說我叛國
I was misunderstood and got accused of betraying my country

有人 想幹掉我 有人 說不讓我回國
My life was threaten and I even was told I cannot come home

要我磕頭認錯 政客趁機出頭
I was pushed into the limelight by influential people trying to gain fame

媒體還配合炒作 世界 各地的記者call我
Media got into the action and suddenly international reporters started calling me

我必須學會沉著
I had to learn to stay calm

謠言越來越多 讓人陷入惶恐
Rumours started flowing and my heart started pounding

甚至 還有人把偷渡路線圖 send給我
I even received maps with international escape routes

爸爸媽媽 對不起 不要難過
Sorry mom and dad please don’t be sad

牆壁上的國旗 我從來沒有拆過
I have not taken down the flag hanging in my bedroom

我破了千萬點閱 也上了各大版面
My youtube video broke records and my face made newspaper covers

有人喜歡有人討厭面臨輿論考驗
I got cheered and got booed I must learn to face the music now

我的故事 被文學家 寫進了書
My story was documented into a book

我的臉 還被人畫成了 卡通人物
My face even got drawn into cartoon characters

再多褒與貶 都已經事過境遷
I wished that all the fame and criticism would die down some day

畢業後的我 決定勇敢面對誤解
Upon graduation I decided to return to my beloved country

我用陸路 交通跨越六個國度
With only land routes I walked across 6 countries to come home

拍攝紀錄 沿途上的驚險 和領悟
I even shot a documentary on my challenging journey

一步步 很艱苦 終於回到大馬領土
Thought every step was tought I finally came home to Malaysia

被拍照 被訪問 還被叫到警察總部
I got called to police station and faced many media interviews

雖然 你們都把我 當成公眾人物
Even though most think of me as public personality

但我必須穩住 要保持個人創作元素
But I stayed true to myself to retain my creative art

有人說 我的作品荼毒青年思想
People criticized my songs for poisoning the younger generation

有人說 我的頭腦都在胡思亂想
Some said my mind is full of dirty thoughts

說我亂講 說我是社會毒瘤發癢
That I have bad morel in the civil society

還怪我 變成他兒子的偶像
Some just blamed me for becoming his son’s idol

面對攻擊 我早就已經習慣
I am used to faced difficult situations

保持沉默微笑 是我最好的答案
Keeping silent is my best defense and response

裝模作樣 從來就 不是我的強項
Putting a fake face is never an option for me

但我出門逛逛 卻要偽偽裝裝
I can no longer be myself when I go out

我的email 每天都有人來 訴苦
People write to me pleading for help everyday

但我愛莫能助因為我不是 政府
I just cannot do much because I am not the government

你們來我facebook 鼓勵我 詆毀我
Some come to my Facebook supporting and slandering me

我不刪除因為那是言論自由淨土
I didn’t delete because it is their freedom of speech

我想要讓你聽見 讓你看見
I want you to listen and I want you to see

我想說的話 我的電影 和我的音樂
The messages I convey through my voice, my film and my music

徘徊尺度邊緣 自由自在的暢所欲言
Walking the fine line in freedom of speech

那是主流媒體 永遠看不到的世界
Which is something the mainstream media can never understand

我站在不 同的的角度我不會停下腳步
I stand from a different point and I will not stop

這條思路 是老天送給我的禮物
This path is a gift from god

你說我糊塗 你甚至想要把我說服
You claimed that I am lost and want to brainwash me

對不起我 還是我那就是我的態度
Sorry, I am still who I am, and this is my attitude

在Kuala Lumpur 開始了新的生活
I am starting new life in Kuala Lumpur

這裡人潮洶湧 馬路坑坑洞洞
It is crowded here and the roads are full of potholes

一不小心 我可能會在這裡失控
If I’m not careful things may just get out of control

這條路 很難走 但我已經 沒有回頭
The path is not easy but I do not have a choice anymore

(我還是我 我還是我)
Because I am still who I am

-

『數位音樂服務 Digital Music Services』

KKBOX: http://bit.ly/2HGk1tT
Spotify: https://spoti.fi/2CQHzbk
iTunes & Apple Music: https://apple.co/2uGZInt
Amazon: https://amzn.to/2FOENE4
MyMusic: http://bit.ly/2UnHq9p
虾米音乐: http://bit.ly/2WIf4nA
网易云音乐: http://bit.ly/2FONeiC
JOOX: http://bit.ly/2VdVHTj


-

Namewee 黃明志 Official Facebook Fan Page:
https://www.facebook.com/namewee/

Namewee YouTube Channel Link:
http://www.youtube.com/user/namewee

#Namewee #黃明志

Anak Kecil Lagi, Dah Mengandung Lagi
===============================
.
Sejak dua menjak ni selalu saya terbaca kes termengandung lagi. Ada yang kes merancang tapi mengandung juga... Sampai sanggup nak gugurkan kandungan.
....
Continue ReadingLittle kid again, already pregnant
===============================
.
Since these two days I've always read the be case again. There are people who are planning but pregnant too... until they are willing to drop their content.
.
I want to share a true story...
.
==================================
.
I've been through the situation of mothers going through... pregnant in not ready.
.
After giving birth the third child as usual I plan... what method don't I have to express.. because every type of designer has its risk and its effectiveness level.
.
Because of designing, it is sure it does not contain because of the design... But the power of God.. Who knows.. Even though it is for protection once.. If God wills... Kun Fayakun...
.
My period is not coming, I think it's normal because the hormone after delivery has changed.. the children's experience before this is also like that. So I just let it pass...
.
Only every month I will weigh weight... weird because it increases... appetite increases... husband suspect I'm pregnant.. I deny... after talking, doing upt.. Double line.. Don't you feel it Believe it... won't be pregnant right... after the first test let it pass just like that... until after 3 months the period still doesn't come.
.
Going through life as usual.. until one day being reprimanded by colleagues... why is the bloated belly different.. Yes, the belly is bloated... it really feels different.. even wearing a girdle doesn't fall down... but always Feeling sebu... do it again again upt test... Double line that is brighter... keep telling your husband.. right that time.. Upt is not broken yet...
.
After knowing that pregnant, it's really down... our depression husband and wife one day... feel like throwing away this child... but istighfar. NA ' Udzubillah... why do i reject Allah's sustenance.
.
After that, all sorts of brain is thinking... can I handle this child fair... husband at that time think about sustenance.. But I'm positive about his mind... the child's sustenance is not hard to think, there will be His part later... just think pity him.. afraid that he can't handle a small child who is close, but he is still a year old and still need attention and love right...
.
At that time my third child wasn't even a year old, can't even walk yet... still want to breastfeed.. Apparently my milk dropped because I was pregnant... it was also a challenge at that time. So sad because I can't make it up to 2 years. That's what makes me so sad... until I want to drop my child in the content while it's already 4 months... crazy right.. but that's when faith is tested.
.
After istighfar.. reflect on a moment.. me and my husband are positive again.. be confident in Allah's planning... surrender to Allah... and surely Allah knows what's best for us...
.
After that I just went to a private clinic, scan first to see how many months... apparently it's about to be in 5 months... Thank God.. Healthy is perfectly taken care of even at that time I didn't take any pregnant vitamins...
.
After that go to kkia, make a book.. have to talk too but I'm quiet... because the nurse doesn't understand our situation right. So I didn't answer what he was talking about..
.
I went through the pregnant moment smoothly.. Alhamdulillah... and Alhamdulillah, month 11 years ago safely born this child safely.
.
When I'm giving birth, everything I worry about when I'm pregnant, Allah shows me... Allah makes my third child very understanding even though he's only a year old. Easy to ask... not easily squirm, not jealous of the younger sibling but very loving... even though small see he is ready to be a sister. The little one doesn't have a lot of behavior.. as if she understands mom and dad need to pay attention to her sister too. Yes. Allah helps... sustenance... Alhamdulillah... there is only sustenance that comes in... even though the husband is working alone... there is only the sustenance of the child..
.
So, moral of the story... don't worry if you don't care even if you plan... be confident with Allah's plan.. Allah knows better what's best for us... Allah won't give you something if we can't afford it...
.
Be confident in Allah, because he is the best of planners. Don't feel down... Allah is there for us.. as long as we are confident in Allah, Allah will help us. But, after that you have to find another method that is more effective... don't use the reason for Allah's planning.. That's all you're looking for. Hehe hehe hehe hehe hehe hehe hehe hehe hehe hehe hehe
.
Thank you admin for posting this post... as a motivation for pregnant mothers even though planning.. Don't think negative.. Allah knows the best...Translated

Seorang Suami Menemui Sebuah Diari Arwah Isterinya Dan Hampir Pitam Selepas Membaca Kandungan Diari Tersebut Kerana Rupanya Arwah Isterinya Itu Sudah Banyak Kali...
.
.
.
Apa yang nak aku tuliskan ini, jadikan lah sebagai pengajaran buat semua lelaki di luar sana yang bergelar suami. Kisah ini mungkin menyayat hati bagi yang masih ada ‘hati’.

Hari ni genap 67 hari arwah isteri aku meninggl. Dan selama 67 hari ini juga aku tak henti henti menangis di atas pemergian isteri yang paling aku sayang. Bukan aku tak redha, cuma aku rasa seperti tak lepas.

Seperti ada sesuatu yg belum selesai antara kami. Dan malam ini, aku terjaga bukan kerana tangisan baby yg minta disusukan, tapi kerana seakan terdengar dengar tangisan arwah. Allahu..aku tak kuat.

Aku dah berkahwin selama lebih kurg 3 tahun setengah dengan isteri. Kami kahwin muda. Seawal usia aku 20, dan isteri 19. Di awal perkahwinan, semuanya indah belaka. Aku sgt mencintai isteri sehingga langsung tak boleh berjauhan dengan nya.

Sampai kadang kadang bila kena oustation, aku menangis rindukan dia pada waktu malam (aku bekerja di company milik family, dan dia belajar di ipts dekat dgn rumah) . Pergi ke mana saja, aku akan bawa dia bersama. Hatta keluar isi minyak atau beli top up pun dia akan merengek nak ikut. Isteri aku mmg manja org nya dan type of overly attached wife. Tapi aku tak rimas, malah aku suka.

Kami memang sangat rapat. Tambahan pula kami bercinta lepas nikah. We explore everything together. Bila dia cuti sem, aku akan bawa dia berjalan mana dia nak pergi. Isteri aku cantik orgnya. Bukan aku puji sebab dia isteri aku, tetapi sebab semua orang pun cakap perkara sama.

Bila keluar, kalau isteri aku melaram mesti ada je mata yang duk pandang pandang. Memang aku sakit hati, tapi aku pujuk diri dengan cakap takpelah, dia milik aku skrg. Lagipun aku tahu isteri aku mmg jenis sangat tidak melayan.

Bercakap dengan lelaki pun kurang. Dulu masa nak pikat hati dia pun ambil masa berbulan baru dapat kenal. Dia seorang yang sopan, dan menutup aurat dengan sempurna.

Dari awal kahwin, sehingga hampir setahun, aku rasa sangat senang dengan arwah. Kalau boleh, aku nak ada dekat dengan dia je 24jam. Bila ada kerja luar, aku akan settlekan cepat dan berkejar nak balik rumah.

Namun bila masa berlalu, tanpa aku sedar aku makin banyak berubah. Tanpa aku sedar, arwah makan hati dalam diam. Aku makin jauh dengan dia. Aku sibuk dengan kerja luar, sehingga aku rasa seronok berada di luar berbanding di rumah bersama isteri. Kadang kadang, aku cari je apa yang boleh aku settlekan di luar rumah sebab aku bosan stay dekat rumah.

Sepanjang perkahwinan, mmg aku langsung tak pernah keluar kalau bukan bersama arwah. Apa lagi nak lepak malam malam dengan kawan lama. Sampai laa suatu masa aku join macam macam club kereta dan motor.

Makin banyak alasan aku nak jumpa kawan itu dan kawan ini. Mula mula arwah diam , lama lama dia mula merungut yang dia bosan di rumah kesorangan. Tapi aku tak peduli pun. Kadang kadang dia menangis sebab kecil hati dengan aku. Tapi setiap kali dia menangis bila bergaduh atau berkecil hati, aku tak pernah pedulikan dia. Sedar sedar dia dah tertidur dengan air mata kat pipi.

Ye, aku tahu aku suami yg jahat. Aku biasakan dia dengan layanan seperti seorang puteri, kemudian aku ragut semuanya . Dari seorang suami yang cukup lembut, aku berubah menjadi seperti seekor singa bila bergaduh.

Aku akan ignore dia. Aku akan cakap kasar kasar dengan dia. Tangan aku mula pandai sentuh badan dia (itu kalau dia yg mulakan dulu). Sampai kadang kadang aku rasa mcm jodoh aku dengan dia dah takde.

Kami kerap bertengkar. Dan kebanyakannya berpunca dari sikap dia yang terlalu kuat cemburu. Tapi itu dulu, masa dia hidup. Bila dia dah pergi, baru aku sedar. Dia bukannya cemburu buta tetapi dia mahu aku jadi suami yg soleh. Dia mahukan yg terbaik untuk dunia dan akhirat aku. Allah, berdosanya aku.

Aku mengaku, aku memang susah nak jaga mata. Bila keluar berdua, dan ada perempuan cantik yg melintas depan kami mesti mata aku akan terpesona tgk kecantikan perempuan tu. Padahal isteri aku ada kat sebelah. Dan isteri aku pun sangat cantik.

Tapi aku tak pernah sedar semua tu. Bagi aku biasa lah tu lelaki mmg suka tgk perempuan cantik. Aku tak tahu yang isteri aku sedih dengan sikap aku tu. Arwah selalu tegur. Tapi aku buat tak tahu je. Sampai satu masa arwah dah tak tegur lagi, mungkin dia dah penat dengan perkara sama. Aku memang tak tahu bersyukur. Aku tak pernah rasa cukup dgn apa yg aku adaa. Sedangkan arwah dah cukup segalanya

To be honest, aku juga sukar jaga mata dari pandang perkara haram. Kadang kadang aku terlajak layan video prno. Tapi arwah tak pernah tahu. Sampai la satu hari masa dia mengandung 3 bulan, aku kantoi. Masa tu dia sedih sgt, sampai dapat migrain dan kena admit ward sebab pre eclampsia .

Aku risau sgt pasal baby masa tu. Dan it was the last time aku tgk mende keji tu. Aku dah bersumpah pada diri sendiri yg aku takkan tonton lagi umpan syaitan tu. Aku tak tahu kenapa, isteri aku halal untuk aku datangi bila bila masa tetapi pelacur di website itu juga yg aku nak tengok. Sedangkan t
Sedangkan tbuh isteri lebih cantik dari semua tu. Aku hina. Aku memang pendosa

Mulai hari tu, aku tengok isteri rajin bangun solat malam. Aku tahu, dia mengadu kepada Allah perihal aku. Aku tahu, dia bangun untuk doakan kebaikan bagi aku. Itupun semua aku tahu lepas dia dah pergi. Lepas dia dah meninggl. Lepas dah terlewat semua nya.

Seminggu lepas dia meninggl, aku kemas luggage pakaian dia. Dan aku terjumpa satu buku tebal. Aku ingatkan buku nota study dia. Rupanya dalam tu penuh catatan diari dia dari mula kahwin dengan aku sampai la hari terakhir sebelum di admit ward untuk give birth.

Aku baca semua. Air mata aku tumpas. Akurasa masa tu aku nak pergi gali semulaa kubur arwah aku nak peluk dia, aku nak cium dia, aku nak minta maaf aku nak minta ampun. Aku banyak dosa dengan dia.

“Abang, kenapa abg tengok semua tu. Sayang kan ada kalau abg berhajat? Mungkin sayang tak mengiurkan macam pelakon pelakon dlm video lcah tu. Syg minta maaf kalau syg tak pandai layan abg, sampai abg cari kepuasan melalui cara tu.

Ya allah, kau berilah hidayah pada suami aku. Abang, semoga Allah pelihara abang dari pandangan haram ye. Moga hati dan iman abg kuat ye. Takpe, syg tolong doakan abang setiap malam dan di setiap sujud syg. ”

” Cemburunya tengok abg duk pandang pandang perempuan tu tadi. Mmg la cantik. Tapi syg dah usaha habis baik nk bagi cantik jugakk bila keluar dgn abg

Sehelai demi sehelai lembaran tu aku belek. Dari sekecil kecil hingga ke sebesar besar hal dia ceritakan semua dalam buku tu. Baru skrg aku sedar , aku kurang beri perhatian pada dia selama ni. Dan ada satu luahan dalam buku tu ingatkan aku pada satu detik masa awal kehamilan arwah.

“Abang abang! Rasaa ni baby gerakk la! Aku emmm emm je. Mata asyik duk hadap hp. Bosan dgr dia merengek, aku alih tangan letak atas perut dia. Tapi mata masih lekat di skrin telefon. Dan segala kesedihan tu dia luahkan dalam buku tu. Memang aku dengar dia menangis malam tu tapi aku tak peduli pun. Mmg aku tak pernah nak pujuk kalau dia menangis. Apatah lagi nak tanya kenapa. Allahu.. kejam nya aku. Aku tak pernah peduli apa dia rasa.

Banyak yg aku baca dalam diari arwah. Patut laa dia dapat pre eclampsia (high blood prssure during pregnancy) . Padahal umur baru setahun jagung dan ini first baby. Rupanya banyak yg dia stress dan fikir pasal aku. Selama ni tanpa aku sedar, dia byk hide semua post di fb yg nengandungi unsur tak baik atau gmbr perempuan seksi. Betapa dia nak jaga dan nak bantu aku jadi baik.

Jahatnya aku. Memang aku tak pernah ada perempuan lain. Tapi aku seksa perasaan dan emosi dia. Dari apa yg aku baca, dia seolah menjadi sgt paranoid, memikirkan apa yg aku lihat di hp berkait dengan perempuan sksi, perempuan lain, atau tidak. Aku tak salahkan dia. Ini semua salah aku. Aku tak pernah fikir perasaan dia. Aku anggap semua remeh, semua kecil. Sedangkan dia menanggung derita yg besar.

Aku ingat lagi beberapa hari sebelum dia admit ward utk bersalin. Sewaktu dia nak turun beli makanan, dia sempat bergurau. Abang, rindu laa nak dengar abang ckp “awak jalan elok2 tau. Kalau ada org kacau, jerit nama abg kuat2”. Mmg dulu aku sangat lembut dan romantik dgn dia. Tapi aku xtahu mana semua tu pergi. Bukan arwah tak pernah cakap yg dia rindu aku yang dulu. Tapi aku tak pernah peduli.

Sekarang, semua dah takde. Yang tinggal hanya kenangan. Kenangan yang tak boleh mengembalikan apa apa. Dan arwah tinggalkan aku bersama zuriat kami. Nur amsya imani. Wajah iras sangat dengan arwah. Setiap kali aku pandang wajah anak syurga ini, setiap kali tu wajah arwah terbayang di mata. Allah..macam mana aku nak lalui hari hari mendatang.

Sungguh, aku sunyi. Dan sekarang baru aku faham erti sunyi yg isteri aku cakapkan selama ni bila stay dekat rumah sorang diri. Patut laa selama ni dia tak pernah tidur, dan tunggu aku balik walaupun tengah malam. Rupanya dia tak dapat tidur bila aku takde kat sblh

Aku dah hilang segalanya. Aku dah hilang isteri solehah yg sentiasa doakan kebaikan aku. aku dah hilang isteri yg selama ni jadi penguat aku. Abang rinduu nak naik motor dengan awak, sayang.. mcm awal kahwin dulu.

Pukul 1 pagi awak ajak round taman. Abang rinduu nak gurau dengan awak. Balik laa sayangg.. abg janji abg tak keluar dengan kawan dah. Abang janji abang tak hadap hp 24jam dah. Abang janji abg xpandang perempuan lain dah. Abang janji :(.

Menangis lah air mata darah pun. Arwah takkan kembali. Aku takde apa nak pesan banyak banyak. Tapi ambil laa kisah aku sebagai pengajaran. Tolong laa ambil sebagai pengajaran. Jangan sampai semua terlambat, baru kau nak menyesal. Aku menyesal. Menyesal. Menyesal.
A husband found a diary of his late wife and almost swoon after reading his diary content because apparently his late wife has many times...
.
.
.
What I want to write about, make it a lesson for all the men out there who are called husbands. This story may be heartbreaking for those who still have 'heart'.

Today is only 67 days my late wife left. And for the past 67 days I haven't stopped crying over the passing of the wife that I love most. It's not that I don't accept it, it's just that I

It seems like there is something unfinished between us. And tonight, I'm awake not because of the baby's cry that asked to be breastfeed, but because it's like hearing the cry of the late Allahu.. I'm not strong.

I've been married for more than 3 years and a half to my wife. We married young. As early as I was 20, and wife 19. At the beginning of marriage, everything was beautiful. I love my wife so much that she can't be far from her.

Until sometimes when I get oustation, I cry missing him at night (I work in the family's company, and he's studying in IPTS near home). Go anywhere, I'll take her along. Hatta comes out of oil or even buy top up he will cry to follow. My wife is really spoiled by her person and type of overly attached wife. But I'm not crazy, but I like it.

We are very close. Plus we love after marriage. We explore everything together. When he's a semester holiday, I'll take him to walk where he wants to go. My wife is beautiful. I don't praise because she's my wife, but because everyone says the same.

When it comes out, if my wife dresses up there must be eyes that are looking at. I'm really hurt, but I persuade myself by saying it's okay, he's mine now. After all, I know that my wife is very kind of not entertaining.

Talking to a man is also lacking. In the past, when he was about to catch his heart, he took months to get to know him. He's a polite person, and cover his body perfectly.

From the beginning of marriage, until almost a year, I feel so happy with the late. If possible, I would like to be close to him for 24 hours. When there's an outdoor job, I'll settle fast and chase to go home.

But when time passes by, without me realizing I change more. Without me realizing, the spirit eats the heart in silence. I'm getting far away from him. I'm busy with outdoor work, until I feel good to be out there rather than home with my wife. Sometimes, I'm just looking for something that I can settle outside the house because I'm bored staying at home.

Throughout the marriage, I will never go out if not with the deceased. What else to hang out at night with old friends. Until one time I joined like a car and motor club.

More excuses for me to meet that friend and friend. At first the late was quiet, long time ago he started complaining that he was bored at home alone. But I don't care. Sometimes she cries because she's small with me. But everytime she cries when she fights or gets discouraged, I never cared about her. Realized that he fell asleep with tears on the cheek.

Yes, I know I'm a bad husband. I used to do her with service like a princess, then I snatched all of them. From a gentle husband, I turned into a lion when fighting.

I will ignore him. I'd be rude to him. My hands are starting to touch his body (that's if he started it first). Until sometimes I feel like my partner with him is gone.

We fight a lot. And most of them are caused by his attitude that is too jealous. But that was the time he lived. When he's gone, then I'll realize. He's not jealous but he wants me to be a good husband. He wants the best for my world and my afterlife. Allah, I am sinning.

I confess, I am hard to keep my eyes open. When both of you come out, and there's a beautiful woman who passes in front of us, my eyes will be amazed by the beauty of the Even though my wife is beside me. And my wife is very beautiful too.

But I never realized all that. For me it's normal that men like to look at beautiful women. I didn't know that my wife was saddened by my attitude. The late always greets. But I just don't know. Until one time the deceased hasn't told me anymore, maybe he's tired of the same thing. I don't know how to be grateful. I have never felt enough with what I have. While the deceased is enough

To be honest, I'm also hard to keep my eyes from looking at illegal things. Sometimes I watch the video too much. But the spirit never knew. Until one day when she was pregnant for 3 months, I was caught. At that time he was so sad, until he got migraine and got admitted to the ward because of pre eclampsia.

I was so worried about the baby at that time. And it was the last time I saw that cruel thing. I swear to myself that I won't watch the devil's bait anymore. I don't know why, my wife is halal for me to come to me anytime but the prostitute on the website is also what I want to see. Whereas t
While the wife is prettier than all that. I am despicable. I am indeed a sinner

From the other day, I saw the wife awake at night prayer. I know, he complains to Allah about me. I know, he woke up to pray for me for the goodness. That's all I knew after he was gone. After he left. After all it's too late.

A week ago she left, I cleaned her clothes luggage. And I found a thick book. I thought it was his study notebook. Apparently the diary is full of notes from starting to marry me until the last day before admitted to the ward to give birth.

I read all. My tears are broken. I feel that time I want to dig back the grave of my late I want to hug him, I want to kiss him, I want to apologize. I have sinned with him.

′′ Brother, why do you look at all that. Love is there if you wish? Maybe it's a pity that you don't like the actress in the video of the crazy video I'm sorry if I don't know how to treat me, until I find satisfaction through that way.

Ya Allah, please give guidance to my husband. Brother, may Allah protect you from illegal opinion. May my heart and faith be strong okay. It's okay, dear, please pray for me every night and every kneel dear. ′′ ′′

′′ It's jealous looking at brother looking at that woman just now. It's really beautiful. But unfortunately I've tried it and it's better to make it beautiful when I'm out with

One piece by one piece I turn into the sheet. From as small to small as big as he says everything in the book. Now I'm aware, I haven't paid attention to him all this time. And there's one expression in the book that reminds me of the early moment of the late pregnancy.

′′ Brother brother! I think this is a baby! Me emmm emm je. Eyes keep on facing hp. Tired of hearing him whining, I put my hand on his stomach. But the eyes are still stuck on the phone screen. And all the sadness he expressed in the book. I heard him crying that night but I don't care. I never wanted to persuade him if he cried. What else to ask why. Allahu.. I'm so cruel. I never cared what she felt.

I read a lot in the late diary. No wonder he got pre eclampsia (high blood pressure during pregnancy). Even though it's only a year of corn and this is the first baby. Apparently he's stressed out and thought about me. All this while without me realizing it, he hid all the posts on Facebook that contain bad elements or sexy women's pictures. How much he wants to take care of and help me be good.

I am evil. I never had another woman. But I torture her feelings and emotions. From what I read, she seems to be very paranoid, thinking of what I saw on her phone related to women, other women, or not. I don't blame her. This is all my fault. I never thought about her feelings. I take everything trivial, all small. While he suffered a big suffering.

I still remember a few days before he admitted to the ward to give birth. When he wanted to go down to buy food, he had time to joke around. Brother, I miss listening to my brother say ′′ you walk well. If someone disturbs me, shout out my name loudly ". I was so soft and romantic with him. But I don't know where all that went. It's not the spirit that he misses the old me. But I never cared.

Now, everything is gone. All that is left is memories. Memories that can't bring back anything. And the spirit left me with our children. Nur Amsya Imani. The face is very similar to the spirit. Every time I look at the face of this heavenly child, every time the face of the deceased is imagined in the eyes Allah.. how am I going through the coming days.

Really, I'm quiet. And now I only understand the meaning of silence that my wife has been talking about all this while staying at home alone. No wonder he hasn't slept yet, and wait for me to come back even though it's midnight. Apparently he can't sleep when I'm not beside me

I lost everything. I have lost my solehah wife who always pray for my goodness. I've lost my wife who has been my booster all this time. I miss riding a motorbike with you, dear.. like I got married early.

At 1 am you invite me to round the park. I miss joking with you. Come back dear.. I promise I won't be with my friends anymore. I promise I won't face my phone for 24 hours. I promise that I don't look at other women anymore. I promise :(.

Crying tears of blood. The spirit will never return. I don't want to order a lot. But take my story as a teaching. Please take it as a teaching. Don't let it be late, then you regret it. I'm sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry.Translated