It’s 4AM and before I start my weekend with another flurry of work and events, I wanted to post this up over my business page - the page that is open to friends , family as well as strangers alike - to read about not just my business or work related self … but snippets of my private life which I usually keep in a close journal as therapy for me when I need to pen down my musings.
This early morning post is about this decade old drum set.
This electronic drums was something I sought permission to buy from Azmi. I took drum lessons before marrying him, but never had the space to own a set.
But when we moved in together at our home we decided to buy 11 years ago, I coaxed him to agree to it and whilst he hesitated at first - he gave in and took charge looking for one that I could beat the sh*t out of, without causing lawsuits from neighbours (hence the decision to go electronic)
I could use it while I spun music from my DJ decks and it was snug enough to fit into the room which was meant for storage - not knowing God would bless us with more children and a pandemic that would lead us to pivot into creating a livestream studio to sustain our business.
He had told me to sell it off second hand - and I kept coming up with excuses that perhaps the boys would use it someday … or that it was too old and outdated “no one would buy it so best we just keep it”
Truth is?
Letting it go was like letting go of a dream in completing my music lessons which I had put a cork in the bottle upon finding out I was pregnant with Iman.
As time passed on, blessed with more children and different situations that made us have to change business strategies along the way, my music hobby was getting pushed lower down the priority list as more and more items on my “to do list” grew and climbed on top.
My children says I’m not fun anymore “you’re always working mama” and last night, as I went to put Ilon to sleep promising to sit with the older kids for our weekly Friday Family movie nights (a ritual we have started to keep the children’s sanity in check during this gloomy pandemic) , I am devastated as I ended up falling asleep halfway while working and breastfeeding Ilon.
They say you must find balance in life. Work, love and play.
I don’t know how to do that anymore.
How many of you feel that this pandemic has just made you become a work zombie?
Anyone up at this hour?
Shall take a cold shower now. I’ve got a show to run in 6 hours and I’ve not done a flow yet.
Hope everyone is doing ok.
