關於 spare me意思 ，我們在網路上蒐集到這些相關的討論、資訊與評價

平時只要踩中了某些特定的點，我會瞬間失去耐心、進入備戰狀態。其中最大的點可能要屬「聞到二手菸」。我的感官非常敏銳，通常Narayan或其他人根本都還沒聞到，我已經被嗆到不行了，心裡各種對話跑出。

Narayan會說，「得肺癌已經夠慘了，不要再讓自己得『心癌』吧！」意思就是，二手菸對我是種傷害沒錯，但我對這件事的反應，卻給自己造成了不必要的二度傷害。他也常說，那些人在傷害自己的同時也傷害他人，是很需要我發揮同理心的。

我回他，「我也希望自己像你一樣心平氣和、善解人意呀！」（心想：像你這種父母都是瑜伽老師、本身還是胎裡素的人，脾氣能差到哪裡去？！）但他告訴我，「認識你以前，有整整四年的時間，我把『覺察和接受自己的情緒、練習同理心』當作每天最重要的事情。我把所有生活開支以外的錢都拿去上一個接一個的禪修課程，週末就到監獄或貧民區去帶瑜伽和冥想工作坊......『在自己身上下功夫』是我最重要的課題。」

我很震驚。一直以來我把他的好修養歸功於他的背景，卻忽略他付出了多大的努力。如果我沒付出這些努力，又憑什麼羨慕他呢？

面對自己、為自己的情緒負責真的不容易。把一切都怪罪到他人身上看似容易多了，但同時也是將自己的力量交出去。這不是說他人沒有責任，但如果一個人的幸福感完全取決於他人的行為，那恐怕永遠都要陷在「受害者」的身份裡，用這個作為自己情緒不好、人生不如意的藉口。

對我來說，這是一個緩慢又痛苦的蛻變過程；但我再也不想讓他人左右我的心理或人生狀態了。

*****

There’re a few things that really trigger me, especially secondhand smoke. I have an acute sense of smell, so oftentimes I’m already almost choking and cursing while Narayan has no idea why.

He’d say, “It’s bad enough to get lung cancer, so spare yourself the ‘heart cancer’! Those people need your compassion.”

I once responded, “Well, I wish I could be as kind and understanding as you!” What he said next made me think for a long time. He said it’s not like he grew up like this. He spent a lot of effort working on himself, and for four years, he worked just so he could afford meditation retreats, and offered yoga and meditation classes in prisons and slums.

At that moment, something shifted in me. I had always attributed his peaceful presence to his upbringing, and never thought that it wasn’t easy for him to get this far, either. Who am I to say I envy him when I haven’t even put in 1% of the effort that he has?

It’s challenging to take radical responsibility for your state of being. Blaming others for our misfortune seems so much easier, but at the same time you’re stripping your power away. I’m not saying others are never responsible for their behavior, but if your happiness depends solely on others, I see the potential for using that as an excuse for your indignation, being trapped in a victim mindset, and feeling disempowered to change.

Transformation could be a long and painful process, but I no longer want to give my power away.

#transformation #mindfulness

平時只要踩中了某些特定的點，我會瞬間失去耐心、進入備戰狀態。其中最大的點可能要屬「聞到二手菸」。我的感官非常敏銳，通常Narayan或其他人根本都還沒聞到，我已經被嗆到不行了，心裡各種對話跑出。

Narayan會說，「得肺癌已經夠慘了，不要再讓自己得『心癌』吧！」意思就是，二手菸對我是種傷害沒錯，但我對這件事的反應，卻給自己造成了不必要的二度傷害。他也常說，那些人在傷害自己的同時也傷害他人，是很需要我發揮同理心的。

我回他，「我也希望自己像你一樣心平氣和、善解人意呀！」（心想：像你這種父母都是瑜伽老師、本身還是胎裡素的人，脾氣能差到哪裡去？！）但他告訴我，「認識你以前，有整整四年的時間，我把『覺察和接受自己的情緒、練習同理心』當作每天最重要的事情。我把所有生活開支以外的錢都拿去上一個接一個的禪修課程，週末就到監獄或貧民區去帶瑜伽和冥想工作坊......『在自己身上下功夫』是我最重要的課題。」

我很震驚。一直以來我把他的好修養歸功於他的背景，卻忽略他付出了多大的努力。如果我沒付出這些努力，又憑什麼羨慕他呢？

面對自己、為自己的情緒負責真的不容易。把一切都怪罪到他人身上看似容易多了，但同時也是將自己的力量交出去。這不是說他人沒有責任，但如果一個人的幸福感完全取決於他人的行為，那恐怕永遠都要陷在「受害者」的身份裡，用這個作為自己情緒不好、人生不如意的藉口。

對我來說，這是一個緩慢又痛苦的蛻變過程；但我再也不想讓他人左右我的心理或人生狀態了。

*****

There’re a few things that really trigger me, especially secondhand smoke. I have an acute sense of smell, so oftentimes I’m already almost choking and cursing while Narayan has no idea why.

He’d say, “It’s bad enough to get lung cancer, so spare yourself the ‘heart cancer’! Those people need your compassion.”

I once responded, “Well, I wish I could be as kind and understanding as you!” What he said next made me think for a long time. He said it’s not like he grew up like this. He spent a lot of effort working on himself, and for four years, he worked just so he could afford meditation retreats, and offered yoga and meditation classes in prisons and slums.

At that moment, something shifted in me. I had always attributed his peaceful presence to his upbringing, and never thought that it wasn’t easy for him to get this far, either. Who am I to say I envy him when I haven’t even put in 1% of the effort that he has?

It’s challenging to take radical responsibility for your state of being. Blaming others for our misfortune seems so much easier, but at the same time you’re stripping your power away. I’m not saying others are never responsible for their behavior, but if your happiness depends solely on others, I see the potential for using that as an excuse for your indignation, being trapped in a victim mindset, and feeling disempowered to change.

Transformation could be a long and painful process, but I no longer want to give my power away.

#transformation #mindfulness

【謝謝你，但我的命我自己來】(English writing below)

「你明明很早就可以被男人養，為什麼不要？」

「每個人都應該爲自己的人生長本事。我想做的，是出於污泥而不染的大蓮花，沒想做溫室裡的小花。」

我家族裡的女性，幾乎清一色都是女兒當自強。我姑婆78歲，一個人住，沒嫁人沒孩子。外公娶妻時，就帶著年幼的她一起住。外公過世二十多年，外婆（也就是她的大嫂）還在世時，姑婆到了六十幾歲，都還給我外婆一些家用。

她不過是個打雜工的婦女。給外婆的家用，全靠自己努力工作賺取的。

姑婆沒讀過什麼書，而我是一個大學生，怎麼可以遜色於姑婆呢？

小時候，因為家裡欠債累累，三天兩頭就有債主「奪命追魂」的打家裡電話或「登門造訪」追債，而我一個小女孩，就經常被推出去應付這些凶神惡煞的陌生大人。理由是，他們看到小孩，口氣會軟化些，可以再拖延幾天。

當時我真的很怕，但，不出去，就會被罵被打。長那麽大了，有時會莫名其妙的害怕，幸得佛法的熏陶，以那種前面有虎，後面有熊的恐懼感，磨練出我內在『破釜沈舟』的堅韌精神。

要就不做，要做，我就絕不手軟。這樣才有意思。

這種被「嚇大」的童年，讓我很小便許下承諾，以後絕不讓任何人或東西威脅到我。

我知道很多女人都有想在家不做工的夢想。我的八字也確實有這種命，三十歲過後可以不做工，靠男人養。

但像我這般出色的人才，如果不出來貢獻於人類，而選擇那條路，豈不是太對不起祖宗十八代的強大基因，和師尊師父的教誨嗎？

出道以來，我的玄學功夫幫了不少人，我的文章也引不少很多人深思長智慧。

我這十多年練出來的功夫，去哪裡都吃得開。現在的環境風水越來越差，人的問題只會越來越多，只要有真功夫，我的行業只會越老越吃香。師父常開玩笑說，以後老了，如果沒生意，還可以到四馬路觀音廟前擺攤問事，過過日子。😄

萬一還有來世，我的潛意識起碼還會帶著這種不屈不饒的精神投胎。

如果一心想靠一個男人上位，沒有自己獨立的能力，他變心了，我怎麼辦？

以前母親也有很多男人想包她，但她也為了我們這些孩子，而一一拒絕。靠自己的本事，也把我拉到這麼大。

我媽還說，一個男人如果不要給妳名份，就別浪老娘的青春。

大人的身教，永遠都勝過於言教。

大人有怎樣的命運，孩子也必有類似的命運。

我，不想苟且偷生。現在我想賺錢，就賺錢，想寫文章和大家聊天，就寫文章，又可以繼續進修玄學，學佛修法，開發自己的佛慧。

這對我來說，是自己奮鬥很多年而得到的自由。我想要我孩子學的，就是這樣的精神。

錢，花自己心安理得賺來的，最過癮。如果是不道德不合法交易換來的錢，花的人，無論是我還是我家人，都得負上因果。

我這文章不是在貶低選擇被男人養的女性。每個人的初發心不一樣。我祇是想喚醒妳們走回原本清靜無瑕的尊貴人生。我的女客人當中，選擇這條路的，錢雖來得快，但都沒有幸福的下場。

沒有人，會比我更在意更努力的，創造我的理想人生。

若我沒這本事，我願意虛心學習。我也很慶幸，此生有兩位很厲害的大導師。

我的命，我自己來。

如果連自己的命都改不了，我有何本事收人家的紅包，爲他人改命補運呢？

.....................

"You could have chosen to be kept by a man early in your life. Why did you not?"

"Everyone should grow abilities for their own lives. What I wish to be is a big lotus that blooms out of the slushy mud, pure and untainted. Not a little flower that is incubated in a greenhouse."

I come from a family, where almost all the women are strong and self-reliant. My 78-year-old grandaunt lives alone, never marry and has no kids. When my grandfather got married, he brought my young grandaunt to live with him. In the twenty over years he passed on, when my grandmother was still alive, grandaunt would still give a monthly allowance to my grandmother (her sister-in-law), despite being 60 over years old.

She is just a lady who works odd jobs. The monthly allowance she gave my grandmother is from her hard-earned money.

Grandaunt did not receive much of an education. I am a university graduate. How can my abilities be inferior to hers?

During my childhood, my family was laden with heavy debts. Every other day, there would be creditors incessantly calling the house phone or banging on the house door, asking for repayment. As a young girl, I often get pushed out to deal with these fierce-looking strangers. Reason being, when they saw a kid, they would often soften their tone of voice, and give a few more days for repayment.

I was frightened at that time. But if I didn't do what I was told, I would get scolded or beaten badly. Even after I grew up, there are times when I would get ridiculously afraid. I count myself lucky that the Buddhadharma has an uplifting influence on me. The terror of facing a bear in front of me, and having a tiger chasing behind gradually moulded my tenacity.

Either I don't do it, or when I do, I will burn my boats so that it's either success or nothing.

A childhood where I was constantly frightened had me promising myself this: I will never let anyone or anything threaten me.

My Bazi did indeed indicate that I can opt not to work and rely on the financial support from a man.

But for an outstanding talent like me, if I do not come out to contribute to mankind and choose an easier way out, wouldn't I be letting down the great genes of my ancestors of the past 18 generations, and the teachings from my Grandmaster and Shifu?

Ever since I started out, my work had benefitted a lot of people and my writings had helped grow the wisdom of many readers.

The skills that I hone in the past 10 over years give me freedom to earn money wherever I am. With the environmental Feng Shui worsening, the problems of mankind will only snowball and multiply. As long as I have the real skills, my line of work will only get more valuable as I age. Shifu often jokes that, if I have no business when I am old, I can still consider setting up a fortune-telling stall in front of the Guan Yin Temple at Waterloo Street, to pass time. 😄

Should I have to go through another reincarnation, at the very least, there will be this seed of unflinching courage and perseverance planted in my subconscious. Because I made the effort to.

If I opt to rely fully on a man, and have no independent ability of my own, what will happen to me when he has a change of heart?

My mum also had many offers from men, who wanted to make a mistress out of her. But for the sake of us, the children, she rejected all of them. Through her own perseverance and efforts, she still managed to raise me.

She also said if a man is unwilling to give you a legal status, don't waste your youth on him.

The adults' teaching by example will always carry more weight than what they preach.

The kind of Destiny the adults have will also be similar to the kind of Destiny their children will have.

The me right now does not have to live an ignoble existence nor live my life according to the mood of a man. When I wish to make money, I go make money. When I feel like writing to talk with all of you, I write. In my spare time, I continue honing my skills in Buddhadharma and Chinese Metaphysics, and develop my wisdom.

To me, this is the freedom that I had fought for many years. Such is the spirit that I wish for my children to learn.

Spending money is most satisfying, when this money is earned with a peace of mind. If the money is obtained through illegal/immoral ways, there will always be karmic consequences to bear, be it the spender is me or my family.

This article isn't written to look down on other women, who choose to be kept by a man. Everyone has a different motivation in life. I only wish to awaken you, to continue treading on your original pure and pristine path in life. Among my women clients, those, who chose this easy route to money, do not have a happy ending.

For me, I just think that no other person will be more bothered and diligent than me, in creating the Destiny I covet.

If I do not have the ability, I am willing to learn humbly from the right teachers, and I am very fortunate to have two great ones in my life.

I will formulate my own Destiny.

If I can't even transform my own Destiny, what right do I have to receive the red packets from others, to help them with their fortune and luck?