【我親愛的Zoom視訊客人們】
To My Dear Zoom Clients
我忍了真的⋯⋯真的⋯⋯很久,今天過後實在忍無可忍,一定要叮嚀所有過去和未來的客人們。
我年紀很大了,受不了太大的刺激。
拜託,你們可以Zoom好來嗎?😓😑
一、Zoom視訊的視角 = 拍護照照的視角
護照自2020年起就已成為古董,但大家這一生應該有拍過證件照吧!
對了,就是要頭髮整齊,讓我看到你的雙耳、雙眼、鼻子、嘴巴、頸項和肩膀,到胸部。
我批八字時,需要看整個面相。不要讓你一半的臉掉出鏡頭外,這樣很像鍾無艷,也不要嘴巴不見掉,這樣我很像在跟一條羅漢魚視訊。
我看面相包括看你的嘴巴、牙齒和說話時的嘴形。是的,看相就是需要那麼仔細。
如果你的螢幕太低,那就找書本或舊報紙,把螢幕墊高一點。別讓我整一個小時半只看到你的雙下巴,會把你的面相比例給看錯。
不要一直告訴我不好意思,方法是人想出來的。
•
二、光線
太暗,我看你如見鬼。
太亮,我會看不清你的膚色。
拉開窗簾,不要背向陽光。
有必要的話,就直接開燈!
•
三、勿放什麼椰樹沙灘/金門大橋的虛擬背景圖
什麼虛擬背景圖都不要放啦~
我的家美最重要,我不在乎你的家美不美,我只是來看命的。
如果你的Wi-Fi不是很強,電腦功能不是很厲害,這類的虛擬背景圖會讓你的視訊畫面卡卡的。
有時你轉個身,整個右邊不見了,或部份的頭髮少了,讓我覺得我好像在看恐怖片,嚇人啊~
•
四、環境和聲音
有些海外客人其實非常用心。為了與我視訊,特別去買有麥克風的耳機🎧,讓我能更清楚的聽到他們的聲音。😍
沒有使用耳機和麥克風的客人,往往他們的聲音會有種空氣般的回音,如果他們本身講話又小聲,我的耳機聲量開滿,我還是聽得滿辛苦的
也有香港和馬來西亞客人租過會議室、鐘點房間或單人工作室,就是為了不受家人的干擾,能安心的與我視訊。😍
最有趣的是,去年新加坡阻斷措施時,有位男客人跑到屋外的走廊坐在地上與我視訊。只是外頭風聲有點大,我好幾次都聽不清楚他的聲音。
曾有客人在咖啡廳與我視訊。咖啡廳裡的高談闊論聲和器皿的敲擊聲,頻頻從我的耳機闖進我的耳朵,哇~我的耳朵那時真的是活受罪,還要裝一副氣定神閒的樣子。
天啊,兩次過後,我寧願退錢,也不再見這樣的客人了。耳朵只有一對,我要保護好啊!
在這裡聲明:一般我們買手機時的那種有麥克風的耳機,就已能視訊。沒有戴耳機和麥克風的客人,我一概會拒絕諮詢,把費用原銀奉還。
五、孩子
曾試過諮詢的前20分鐘,一直被女客人的小孩打擾,進來哭著要媽媽主持公道。
如果你家中有六歲以下的兒童,會時不時來敲你的門,我建議你還是先別約我。你這樣會分心,無法聽好我交代的事,而我也得一直等你去安撫你的孩子,就無法在限定時間內看完你的八字,這樣對誰都不公平。
六、我只見客人一人
這個規矩,從我一出道就定下來,也清楚的寫在網站上,根本不用一而再的來試探水溫。
但這兩個星期,還是有客人硬闖關,事先安排自己的配偶/孩子坐在電腦的另一面,要他們聽我講他的八字。
我從不改我的規矩,也沒有八字或風水是我非看不可的。
讀書這麼高,連自己的命都不能自己負責,這已經不是能改到命的人了。
你一定要你的配偶陪你聽,那你需要的不是我來教你改命,是你的配偶來安你的心。
將來若還有這樣的事,我會直接中斷視訊,把錢退回去。
七、「我第一次用Zoom!」
可是從報名那天到今天的諮詢,你有兩個月的時間去摸索。
兩個月,怎麼還是錯誤百出?因為客人根本沒有事先準備和練習。
結果我就這樣等了20分鐘,還得等對方下載軟件。
Zoom不難使用,但如果是你沒有花時間去摸索,就不要撒謊,直接說,我就直接退現錢。
品德是改命的資糧,不要為了自己能脫身就隨便編一個漏洞百出的謊,還說自己是好人。這...不會臉皮太厚了嗎?
小事都不願做好,絕對不會成大器。
八、暈車
有些客人用Ipad或手機來視訊。
重點是,他一支手拿著手機,一支手拿筆寫筆記。他一邊寫,另一支手就一邊搖晃。他做在床上,移動一下,手機就彷彿大海嘯幾下🌊
我一天如果見三個這樣客人,我的視線就搖晃了5個小時。工作完畢後,頭也會痛得厲害,無法完成晚上製片的工作。
沒有自拍器三腳架,也應該有些書本或東西來頂著手機。
各位,多點善心,為我著想一下吧⋯⋯
__________________________
To My Dear Zoom Clients
I have been enduring it for a really really long time. That's it! I am gonna put a stop to this after today and send out this reminder to all my past and future clients.
I am getting on in years, and cannot stand too much stimulation.
Please.... can you guys do a proper Zoom?
Number 1: Going on screen in Zoom = Taking a photograph for your passport.
Since 2020, the passport has become something of an antique but I believe everyone has taken some kind of ID photos! Yes, the ones with your neatly combed trusses where I can see both your ears, nose, mouth, neck, shoulder all the way to your chest.
I would like to see your full face during the Bazi Consultation. Please don't allow half your face to fall off the screen and you end up looking like Zhong Wu Yan! Please also don't hide your mouth making me feel like I am talking to a Arrowana.
When I analyze your facial features, it includes your mouth, teeth and the shape of your mouth while you are talking. Yes, it is down to such level of details.
If your PC / Laptop monitor is too low, please find a book or old newspapers and stack it on top. Please don't let me only see your double chin for that 1.5 hours, as I would probably get the proportion of your face wrong.
Don't keep telling me you are apologetic. Think of a way out.
Number 2: The background lighting.
Too dark, you risk looking like a ghost.
Too bright, I cannot figure out your skin color.
Draw open the curtains, but don't face your back to the sunlight.
If necessary, just turn on the lights!
Number 3: Background images of coconut trees on sandy beaches or the Golden Gate Bridge.
There is no need to put on a virtual background. I only care about how my hone looks, I am not bothered by yours. I am only here to see your Bazi.
If your WIFI signal or your PC / Laptop performance is poor, using the virtual background can often make your Zoom video choppy. Sometimes when you turn your body, one side of your body or some part of your hair will disappear. It's really like one of those spooky movies scaring the wits out of me.
•
Number 4: Background environment and noise.
Some of my overseas clients really put in effort for our Zoom sessions. They bought a headset with a mic so that I can hear them properly and vice versa.
Those that did not use a earphone or a headset often sounded echo-ish, and if they spoke softly, I would have to turn on the volume on my side full throttle and still have a hard time trying to hear them.
There are some clients from Hong Kong and Malaysia who would rent meeting rooms, hotel rooms or private work spaces by the hour so as to reduce any disturbance from others and better focus on the Zoom session with me.
I recalled an interesting incident during the Circuit Breaker last year. A client from Singapore Zoom-ed with me along the corridor outside his house. Most of the time, I was hearing the howling of the winds rather than his voice.
Some clients sat themselves in coffee places for our session. These places are often filled with loud chatters and the clanging of cups and plates, and my ears suffered terribly. Yet, I have to continue to be seen as composed and attentive.
Goodness me, after 2 of such experiences, I decided that I rather refund these clients and never see them again. I have only 1 pair of ears and I want to protect them at all costs!
A normal earpiece that comes with the purchase of a handphone is good enough for Zoom video calls. For clients who do not have a earpiece/headset and a mic, I would end the consultation and refund the monies.
•
Number 5: Children
There was once where a session with a female client was repeatedly disrupted by her kids, running in crying for their mother to settle their quarrels. If you have children below 6 years of age, and likely to interrupt our session, I suggest you don't book a consultation with me.
You will be distracted, unable to focus on my advice and I have to wait for you to clear up the situation with your children, eating into the allowable time for me to complete the consultation. This is unfair to both you and me.
•
Number 6: I only meet one person, that is the Client.
I have set this requirement the day I stepped into this line of work, and it is clearly written in my booking form. There is no need to try your luck under any circumstances.
But in the space of 2 weeks, there were some clients who rode their luck and got their spouse / child to sit on the other side of the screen to listen in on our consultation.
I never change my stance, and there is no single client that I cannot afford to lose.
If you insist to have your spouse sit in, it is apparent that you do not need me to help transform your destiny. Rather you really need your spouse to put your heart at ease.
If such things happen the next time, I will end the session immediately and refund the fees.
•
Number 7: "My first time using Zoom"
But you have 2 full months to prepare before our actual consultation. You did not end up wasting time exploring the software and I wasted 20 mins waiting for you to download the software.
Zoom is an easy software to use but if you did not spend the time to familiarize yourself with it, please quit the lies and tell me directly. I will refund the consultation fees on the spot.
Our moral ethics serve as the foundation for our transformation. Stop weaving web of lies to get out of sticky situations, and still claim that you are a good person. Isn't this too thick-skinned?
•
Number 8: Giddy spells
Some clients use Ipad or their handphones for the Zoom session. Crucially, they hold the device with one hand, and take notes with the other. As they write, the other hand holding the phone becomes shaky. If he is doing that on his bed, his handphone would shake like a tsunami wave every time he changes his position.
If I see 3 such clients within a day, it would be 5 hours of shaking visuals for me. That would mean a splitting headache at the end of my work day, and not being able to work on my videos at night.
Even if you don't have a tripod stand, at least prop up the device with a book or something.
Please everyone, please be kind and have mercy on me......
同時也有1部Youtube影片,追蹤數超過35萬的網紅阿兜仔不教美語,也在其Youtube影片中提到,👉 Facebook➪ http://pics.ee/c7z0 👉 InstaGram ➪ http://pics.ee/1IhQ 👉 虎記商行 ➪ https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCcCtlMtKy1nr1-GUly9ZMxw 👉 虎記商行 ➪ https://w...
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上禮拜檢調搜索立法院到現在,我一直在想該怎麼看待出了這麼大的事,一來是偵查不公開,真相到底如何,現在根本沒有人清楚;二來也是不想給老東家落井下石,對這個黨畢竟還是有許多感情。
直到昨天看到穎孟和郁芬退黨。
我想引用一段第三社會黨發起人周奕成先生的文字,分享給退出的,和還在時代力量裡的朋友。
-----
「建立新政黨,形成新政治,要一個世代。不只,要兩個世代。這意思有兩層。要一個世代的時間,大概二三十年。要一個世代的人才,至少兩三百人。一個世代不夠,就兩個世代。」
「要二三十年的時間,至少,才足以形成新的社會基礎。要兩三百人的高素質人力,至少,才足以建立強大的運作核心。立基於一個世代、兩個世代、三個世代甚至四五個世代之青年運動的政黨是強大的,是有希望的。依靠一個風頭人物的政黨是很快會消風的,是無望的。」
「任何神鬼人物的個人魅力和能力,都不可能支撐一個政黨。新政黨要有獨特的社會基礎。沒有第三社會,就沒有第三政黨。新政黨要有多黨的憲政體制。沒有第三共和,就沒有第三政黨。現在的各個新興小黨,若是立基於青年運動的,還需要一兩次的洗牌重組。」
周奕成 2019/8/3
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這幾年下來要說學到什麼,有一件事感受很深,那就是集體選擇是公正、且智慧的。正如民進黨在2018年大敗,表示台灣人用選票告訴民進黨,你們還缺了什麼。同樣的試煉也適用在每個政黨身上。
台灣是需要反對黨的,如果單靠民進黨台灣就能夠穩定越來越好,那表示台灣超越了世界所有民主國家,打破民主制度對政治的基本假設:監督、制衡、競爭的精神。這樣的可能性當然極小。
然而,需要反對黨,和檯面上的各政黨能不能成為被需要的那個黨,這中間是有落差的。如果做得不夠好,無法改善自己內部的問題,那麼或許大環境會逼你面對,學會改善;也或許這個黨會被淘汰,機會留待給下一個出現的潛力政黨。
我想說的是,在歷史的洪流面前,我們都是渺小的。
各個位置上的政治工作者,要照顧好自己,好好生活。政治比氣長,台灣需要的不是個別的英雄,而是一整個世代、和下一個、下下個世代的投入。
憑一口氣,點一盞燈,有燈就有人。但反過來講,也是有人,才有燈。
Take care of each other, Take care of yourself.
共勉之~
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#那些關於產後妳所不知道的事
Janet真的是一個陽光正向的公眾人物,看著她分享的產後生活,怎麼可以把產婦產後可能碰上的煩(荒)惱(唐)事,說得好輕鬆😂應該是當了媽以後自然就會變勇者,所以什麼都無懼了💪💪💪
圖文分享來源(Janet Hsieh 謝怡芬):https://goo.gl/w7ScZQ
#小獅王辛巴
#說說你們產後初期的心情
那些關於產後妳所不知道的事:
A few things people don’t tell you about postpartum:
The baby is out of your belly. Yay! But you will still look about 3-4 months pregnant. Sorry.
寶寶終於出來了,那肚子應該平了吧!但是對不起,妳還是會看起來像懷孕3-4個月。
You may not instantly bond with this alien looking like thing which just came out of your coochie snorter. And it’s OK to not feel that instant love. For me, it was like who is this thing?
妳可能不會馬上愛上剛剛從妳的妹妹蹦出來的寶寶。 沒關係!對我來說,我第一眼認真看著寶寶的時候心裏的OS是 “你是誰啊⋯⋯?“
You are so sore EVERYWHERE. From the labor itself (body convulsing during contractions, pushing during, well, pushing, and just your body pushing out a freaking baby).
妳全,身,都會酸痛。全身,從宮縮的時候到使勁洪荒之力想把寶寶推出來的時候無時不刻的酸!
You’re also sore down there. Everything down there is sore. And swollen. And sore. Did i mention you will be sore?
妳下體也會酸,樓下所有可以酸的地方都會酸、妳不知道可以酸的地方也會酸,酸跟腫。 還有酸。很酸。喔,我有跟妳提過會很酸嗎?
You need a squeezy bottle to wash yourself after you pee.
妳可能會需要用個手捏的噴霧罐來幫妳清洗下面尿尿的地方。
You may need to sit on a donut because there’s so much pain down there.
妳可能會需要坐在一個“甜甜圈”上面,因為妳樓下妹妹就是這麼痛,不管碰到任何東西會痛。
You may need to sit in a sitz bath which kind of reminds me of a young kid’s potty training toilet
妳可能會需要坐在一個坐浴盆上面,泡著妳的下體。這讓我想到像小孩剛學會尿尿的尿盆。
You will bleed. A lot. Or maybe not a lot. But there will be blood.
妳會流血,而且很多。或是不多, 但是會有血。
You will love granny panties. Or at least I do. But maybe I always have.
妳可能會愛上阿嬤內褲。最少,我很愛。但是可能是我從以前就很愛了。
You may be constipated. Or you may have hemorrhoids. Oh the fun!
妳可能會便秘。或是妳可能會痔瘡。好好玩喔 :( !
After all those months of sleeping on your side, you can now finally… oh wait. Nope. You still can’t sleep on your belly because your nipples are so sore (if you’re breast feeding)
經過這麼多月要側躺, 你終於可以趴著⋯⋯喔,no no,說錯了,你還是沒有辦法趴著睡覺,因為妳的乳頭(如果妳要親餵的話)會很酸。
Your nipples will progressively start to get more and more sore and painful. Oh so so painful. Boo :(
妳的奶頭會越來越酸,越來越痛,跟痛。天啊,好痛喔。 :(
You will also eventually start to get bazookas for boobs. Yay! :)
妳會變一個大奶妹。耶! :)
Your neck will be sore from constantly looking down at the baby to make sure it’s feeding correctly, or making sure it’s still breathing and alive, or just because it’s so damn cute and you can’t stop yourself from looking down all the time.
妳的脖子會因為妳一直往下看而變得超級酸:妳要確認妳餵的對,或是確認寶寶還活著, 或是單純因為他太可愛了所以妳會一直往下望著他。
You won’t know night from day. Day from night.
妳不知道什麼時候是白天什麼時候是晚上。
And sleep? BAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Good one.
至於睡覺?哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈!
Thank GOD for postpartum centers like Dayeh. I honestly want to cry just thinking about what life would have been like this first week after delivering a baby if we weren’t staying here. They feed me (and George) 5 times a day, take care of me, take care of our baby, teach me how to breastfeed, teach George how to change diapers and wash baby butts (because we all know that dad’s have sanitation duty, riiiiight @George Young ?), and most importantly, they allow us to rest as much as possible.
幸好有月子中心!如果沒有 大葉產後護理之家 ,我想我真的會哭的很慘。光想著如果這個禮拜沒有他們的話我的眼睛就已經紅起來了。大葉為了我(跟George),他們的護理師們照顧我、照顧寶寶、教我如何餵奶、教George怎麼換尿布跟洗屁屁(因為我們都知道,爸爸們接下來的日子是專業的衛生工作者),然後最重要是讓我們有時間休息。
So, George Young and I have decided… Yup. We’re moving in. We’re never leaving. Sorry Dayeh! We’ve already made our room into our little studio apartment and have made this place our home. Now, can I go ahead and order that massage please?
所以我們決定了!! 對沒有錯! 我們要搬進來住了。永久。不好意思喔 @大葉產後護理中心! 我們已經把我們的房間變成我們的小套房了,變成我們的家。 那麼,現在可以安排spa按摩了嗎? 哈哈:)
take care of yourself意思 在 阿兜仔不教美語 Youtube 的最佳解答
👉 Facebook➪ http://pics.ee/c7z0
👉 InstaGram ➪ http://pics.ee/1IhQ
👉 虎記商行 ➪ https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCcCtlMtKy1nr1-GUly9ZMxw
👉 虎記商行 ➪ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wdG5jLLQs2M
【簡介description】
Hi everyone
大家好
I´m Jesús
我是黑素斯
Have you seen my videos?
看過我的影片嗎?
Yesterday when I was meditating
昨天我在冥想的時候
And I have something that needs to tell you
我想到一個需要告訴你的事情
Really, I really need to tell you this
真的,我不得不跟你說
Thank you Taiwan
謝謝台灣
Actually, many people say thank you, but means nothing
其實,很多人說謝謝沒有什麼特別的意思
So I want to explain you
所以我要跟你們解釋
Why do I want to thank Taiwan?
為什麼我要感謝台灣?
Many Taiwanese netizens misunderstood me
很多台灣網友誤會我
Because I often talk about cultural differences
因為我常常討論文化差異
And I won't always say
而且我不會一直說
Taiwan is awesome!
台灣棒棒!
Taiwan is perfect!
台灣完美!
I love Taiwan!
我愛台灣!
This is too fake
這樣太假的啦
However, because I didn’t say that
但是,我沒有這樣說
Some people think I don't like Taiwan
有人覺得我不喜歡台灣
Listen
我告訴你!
You were born in Taiwan just by chance
你們是不小心在台灣出生
Be a resident is my decision
當新住民是我的決定
Who cherishes this country more?
誰比較珍惜這個國家?
Recently I´m travelling a lot
最近常常出差
Last time I went to Shanghai, I found that the life there is tough
上次去上海發現那邊的生活多幸苦
Dear Chinese friends, please
親愛的中國網友,拜託
Don't start to throw shit on me. It's boring. OK?
現在不要開始罵我,很無聊,好不好?
And I don't care
而且我不在乎
Chinese are confident, great!
中國人很有自信,讚!
However, if we don´t talk about problems
但是,沒有討論哪裡問題
problems won´t disappear!
問題也不會不見!
I admire people who can live in Shanghai
我超佩服能夠住在上海的人
That place is too big
那個地方太大了
Everyplace is far away
什麼地方都很遠
They only like new things
全部都要改新的
Hey, only old things have a soul
欸,舊的才會有故事
Is terribly expensive, how can poor people lives there?
貴得要命,窮人怎麼過生活?
Taxi drivers wanna rape me off every day
計程車司機每天都想要騙我的錢
Aunts are very aggressive
那邊的阿姨,很兇
Internet, Internet. . .
網路,互聯網。。。
Wall (VPN) is not easy to pass
牆不好翻
Do not take it wrong, Shanghai also has its beauty
別誤會,上海也有上海的美
After all, my friend and ex-girlfriend are all Shanghainese
畢竟我好朋友,前女友都是上海人
But when I returned to Taiwan, I felt
但是我回來台灣的時候覺得
Very thankfull
充滿了感謝
Thank you for reasonable living expenses
謝謝合理的生活費
Thanks for the convenient internet
感謝方便的網路
Convenient transportation
方便的交通工具
Thank you for Taiwanese cuisine
謝謝台灣的美食
Thanks for Taiwan's security
感謝台灣的安全
But most of all thank you for:
但是最要感謝你們的是:
Taiwan’s human touch
台灣的人情味
Let me live my life here feels great
讓我在這邊過生活很蘇胡
Did you realize about it
有沒有發現
People doesn´ t cherish the everyday life things
我們已經習慣一個東西,就不珍惜?
Right?
是不是?
If there is food at home
家裡有東西吃
You take it for granted
你覺得理所當然
Your boyfriend gives you a macchiato every day
男朋友每天送給你一杯焦糖瑪奇朵
Yout think it is his job
妳覺得是應該的
if he doesn´t, you will complain
沒有送,妳也許會罵她
Actually, there is no such thing as "obviously"
其實,沒有所謂的『理所當然』
I lived in Taiwan for 12 years and got used to everything
住在台灣12年,我什麼都很習慣
So, needs to remind myself
所以,要提醒自己
Cherish the benefits of living in Taiwan
好好珍惜住在台灣的好處
Every day people tell me
每天都有人跟我說
Thank you for loving Taiwan so much
謝謝你那麼愛台灣
do you need thank me for liking Taiwan?
我喜歡台灣需要謝謝嗎?
When I go to the cafe for coffee, the boss won´t say
我去咖啡廳喝咖啡的時候,老闆不會說
Thank you for like our coffee
謝謝你喜歡我們的咖啡
right?
是不是?
Probablily he will way
他比較會說
Do you like it?
喜歡嗎?
Come back again
那以後常來喔
I want to thank Taiwanese government for my ID
我要感謝台灣政府給我台灣身分證
That wasn´t Wu Feng?
那不是吳鳳嗎?
Jesús, you talk a lot of bullshit!
黑素斯,你亂講一大堆!
Don´t compare yourself with Wu Feng
你不要再跟吳鳳比較
Congratulations to Wu Feng!
吳鳳恭喜!
Question
問題
Do you value living in Taiwan?
你珍惜住在台灣嗎?
What about caramel macchiato from your boyfriend?
男朋友送給你的焦糖瑪其朵呢?
What about your girlfriend´s attention?
女朋友的關心呢?
What about the food I cook for you?
阿嬤幫你煮的菜?
Oh!
唉呦!
Jesús, do you cherish me?
黑素斯,你珍惜我嗎?
Did you thank me?
有感謝過我嗎?
S***t
靠腰!
Okay
好啦
You know, right?
你知道吧
Like, Subscribe, Share with your Cat
按讚,訂閱,跟你家裡的貓咪分享
Meow!
喵!
I said Meow!
我說喵!
Meow means do it now
喵的意思是快一點啦
Meow! Meow!
喵喵!
Bye
拜!
I'm curious, do you know I'm sharing photos in IG everyday?
我好奇,你知道每天我在IG PO照片嗎?
Check it out
去看啦
I reply msn by myself
回答是我本人耶
Next week
下個禮拜
Meow!
喵!
Bye
賤!
【音樂MUSIC】
Funk Down
![post-title](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/D7LrSzJeuuk/hqdefault.jpg)
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