【天青色等煙雨,而我在等你】(English writing below)
我看著客人眼淚
滴滴答答的打在桌面上
筆記本
濕了
本子上的字
糊了
她的心酸
猶如洪泉遇到崩裂的堤壩
一波一浪的破牆而出
一個被愛情辜負的女子
看了真是心疼
我不由自覺的
想到了自己
你懂我的
像我這樣剛烈的女子
爲了愛情
我絕不退縮
祇是一個勇字
又豈能成事呢
童年
過得心驚膽顫
家裡常吵得
雞犬不寧
爸爸沒想要
把我生下
媽媽常說
要把我趕出去
我很努力讀書
我很努力做個乖孩子
我覺得我做得很好
人小小本事很大
但這些終究無法
讓我在美滿的家庭長大
多少個夜晚裡
我被媽媽打得
想奪門而出
永不再見
可是想到誰來照顧她
我又忍下來
我很恨
為何我命運不如人
第一次談戀愛時
我是多麼多麼的雀躍
內心裡的煙花
不斷地爆開
我終於等到了
不再是
沒人要的孩子了
我終於
值得有人愛了
初戀的絢麗
卻也如七彩美麗的煙花
一聲巨響後
就消失在漆黑的夜裡
他常常在我面前
提到他如何深愛著
他中學時的校花
她是如此的美好
有一次
這校花來我們的學校
他得知後
破課室的門而出
沒見到她
他哭了一整個星期
心中的不安
讓我常常與他吵架
三年零八個月裡
我不是一個好女友
服滿兵役後
他喜歡上大學迎新會
的一位混血兒
後來
我和一位校友打了幾次桌球
某夜
他在ICQ向我索吻
對他的印象
就一落千丈了
(你以為老娘在賤賣嗎?)
不久一位朋友告訴我
他約會的對象
不只我一個
我有一位
很好很好的朋友
我在新加坡時
他常陪我
深夜打桌球到清晨
聊佛法聊人生
一起上佛學班
一起學國標舞
從未有一個人
如此瞭解我的心
如此照顧著我
但無所不談的當兒
他也不斷告訴
這麼多年來
他如何愛念著
一個女孩
對她始終無法忘懷
我又輸給
活在記憶中的人了
我這一份單戀
長達兩年
很磨人很磨人很磨人
差一點走不出來
第二次談戀愛
他常在我面前提起
一個他追了半年追不到的女孩
他說
有一天一定要去問她
為什麼不選擇他
在家裡的毒打
並沒有隨著我成人
而停止
後來拜師學藝
卻因爲品德不良
被師父一句
「你不是我要找的人。」
斷然吃了閉門羹
那天我哭得痛徹心扉
覺得自己
好像是
個沒人要的孩子
方文山因爲
八百年前
宋徽宗皇帝御批的這句
「雨過天青雲破處」
而在周傑倫《青花瓷》裡
寫了『天青色等煙雨,而我在等你』
他說
愛情里最無力的無奈
就是「等待」
天青色得等待
不知何時會降的雨
雨停
積雲散去
朗朗晴空中
天青色才能顯現
如同我
只能被动而安静的
等待着
不知何时才会出现的妳。
慢慢的
我開始認為
我這輩子等不到了
月老應該沒幫我
綁上紅線
學佛多年後
忽然恍然大悟
一個道理
没有东西是必须拥有的
沒有它
也不代表自己的不足
愛情
是一個填不滿的慾望
所以愛情劇長紅
在2015年2月21日年初三,根本上師蓮生活佛在台灣中天綜合電視台的訪談中說:https://youtu.be/EPDxwSt6a5I (時間12:08)
「師尊本身的愛是這樣的。我既然愛她,就是要她幸福,不是要佔有她,這種愛不是佔有,其實愛不是佔有。如果愛是佔有的話,那就是屬於慾望。如果愛不是佔有,我是祝福她,雖然我愛她,她不愛我,她愛別人,我就祝福她。如果愛別人會比較幸福,我就祝福她。這種愛就不是佔有的愛。如果是佔有的愛,一定會產生痛苦。」
原來我真正在等的
是自己
自己的智慧開了
心變闊達時
才不會讓他人決定
自己幾時可以幸福
可以幸福多久
命運在我手中
怎麼走本來就是我說了算
我輕輕的拿起桌上的紙巾,遞給女客人。她一把鼻涕,一把眼淚的向我道謝。
借了師父慣用的笑話,我柔聲細語的說:「別哭,新加坡缺水,要哭要到蓄水池哭,這樣我們可以少看馬來西亞的臉色做人。」
她破涕而笑。
我再說:「我看了妳的八字,現在又看到妳真人,勸你跟我講話老實一點,要不然我幫不到妳。妳明明一直做人家的小三,還敢跟我哭沒有男人要和妳結婚?妳不也偷偷拿了他不少錢嗎?我看妳明明就是一張愛錢的臉。」
奉勸各位大俠,在我面前,若要用眼淚爲武器,請三思,因爲虛偽的,我必定拆你面具。
..........................
I looked at the teardrops of my client, pitter patter onto the table top. My client's notebook got wet. The words got muddled.
All the pains in her heart were like the angry river crushing through a broken dam, tearing down the walls as the tears flowed.
To see a lady being let down by love was indeed heart-breaking.
I couldn't help but thought of myself.
You know me. An unyielding character like mine will not shrink like a coward in the name of love. Alas, there are things in life that can't be accomplished solely with courage.
My childhood was filled with a lot of fear. There were often quarrels at home.
My dad didn't want me to be born. My mum often said she wanted to chase me out of the house.
I studied very hard. I did my utmost to be an obedient kid, and I thought I did very well as young child but I was already very capable. However, all these were not enough for me to grow up in a complete family.
So many nights, I got beaten up so badly by my mum that I wanted to just break out of the door and never to see her again. But the mere thought of nobody looking after her pulled me back.
I hated so much. Why wasn't my destiny comparable to other people?
When I first fell in love, I was so elated. The fireworks in my heart exploded non-stop. I finally found someone. I was no longer that child which nobody wanted. I was finally worthy of someone's love.
The splendour of first love, however, was as temporal as the rainbow-coloured fireworks. After a loud explosion, it vanished into the darkness of night.
He would often tell me in my face, how much he pined for and loved his secondary school crush, apparently the prettiest and most perfect girl in school.
Once, this campus belle came to our school. When he got wind of the news, he dashed out of the classroom. Failing to see her, he cried for one whole week.
My insecurity caused me to quarrel with him often. In those 3 years and 8 months, I wasn't a great girlfriend. After his NS, he got together with a girl of mixed blood at his university's Orientation camp.
I played pool with a uni mate a few times. One night over ICQ, he teased me for a kiss. My impression of him dropped like hot cakes. Did I look like I was lelong-ing myself? Later, a girl pal told me that he was dating several girls at the same time.
I had a very good friend. Whenever I was in Singapore, he would accompany me to play pool till wee hours. We talked about Dharma, life, and we attended Buddhism and ballroom dancing classes together. I had never met a person who understood me and took care of me so well.
But among our endless conversations of everything and anything, he always told me how he still loved a girl from his school. He couldn't forget her.
Again, I lost to someone who lived in the memory of the guy I liked.
This one-sided love of mine burned for two years. It was very, very, very excruciating. I almost didn't make it out alive.
In my second relationship, the boyfriend would always tell me about a pretty girl whom he pursued for half a year, but failed to win her heart. He told me firmly that if he had the chance, he wanted to ask her why she did not choose him.
The abusive beating at home did not stop even after I grew up.
Later on, when I wanted to become Shifu's disciple, he turned me down flat because he didn't think I had good morals and values. He was blunt, "You are not the person I am looking for."
That night, I cried painfully hard. Suddenly, I felt like I was the kid from my childhood whom nobody wanted.
800 years ago, Emperor Huizong of Song Dynasty wrote in an imperial decree "雨過天青雲破處". It was this that inspired Vincent Fang (方文山) to write the lyrics 『天青色等煙雨,而我在等你』in Jay Chou's song 青花瓷 (Blue and white porcelain).
Vincent Fang said, the most powerless kind of helplessness in love was waiting.
The sky green colour had to wait for the rain, which it had no idea when it would arrive. After the rain stopped, the thick clouds dissipated, in the clear skies, the sky green colour would then be able to appear. This was just like how he could only passively and quietly wait, for his lady whom he had no idea when she would appear.
Gradually, I started thinking that in this lifetime, I would not be able to wait for that person to appear. Perhaps Yue Lao (the elderly celestial under the moon) did not tie the red string on me.
After many years of learning the Dharma, one day, I suddenly came to the realisation that nothing is a must to own.
Secular love is a black hole of desires. That is why romantic shows are evergreen.
On 21 February 2015, the 3rd day of the Lunar New Year, my Root Guru Living Buddha Lian-Sheng spoke in an interview with the Taiwan CTI Television Inc.: https://youtu.be/EPDxwSt6a5I (timestamp 12:08)
"My personal take on love is this. Since I love her, I will want her to be blissful, and not to possess her. Such love isn't possession. Actually love isn't possession. If love is possession, that belongs to desire. If love isn't desire, I will wish her well. Although I love her, she doesn't love me, but loves another person, so I will give her my best wishes. If loving another person brings her more happiness, I will wish her well. Such love isn't possessive love. If it is possessive love, there will surely be pain."
Then I realised, the one that I had been waiting all along for is myself. Waiting for my wisdom to develop, waiting for my heart to be more open, so that I would not place my happiness in the hands of another person, and let the person decide for me when I should be happy, for how long I can stay happy...
My destiny is in my hands. How it pans out is up to me to say.
I gently picked up a serviette from the table and passed it to my lady client. In a mush of mucus and tears, she thanked me.
Borrowing an old joke from Shifu, I gently told her, "Don't cry. Singapore lacks water. If you want to cry, you should cry at a nearby reservoir. This way, we don't have to see the colours of Malaysia in order to get more water."
She broke into a smile among her tears.
I continued, "After looking at your Bazi, and now that I have seen you in person, I advise you to be more honest with me, or else I will not be able to help you. You have all along been a mistress to other men, and you dare to come crying to me that no man wanted to marry you? Didn't you also stole some money from them? The way I see you, you obviously have a money grubber face."
My advice to all swordsmen: If you wish to use your tears as a weapon in front of me, think thrice. Because if you are a hypocrite, I will definitely rip your mask apart.
「you were my everything till we were nothing」的推薦目錄:
you were my everything till we were nothing 在 松露玫瑰 Facebook 的最佳解答
直到胖女人唱歌為止,它一直沒有結束,但是可悲的是,胖女人唱歌得太早了,脆弱的蝴蝶飛走了。
當我2000年在網上結識Charlene並打橋牌時,她是一位成功的女商人。她在網上訂購了許多法國和意大利產品,然後運往台灣,她嘗試了一切,她吃了任何東西,任何動物,水果或蔬菜的任何部分,食物都是她一生中很重要的一部分。 2000年我第一次在現實生活中遇見她時,她看上去就像電影明星。 2007年,這個女孩選擇放棄自己的生活,放棄了我們認為是家庭的最好的朋友,失去了她的工作,並賣掉了在台北的公寓與我同住。我告訴她:從現在開始,您將在餘生中度假,我信守諾言。
夏琳(Charlene)想要在荷蘭說些什麼,並開始在博客中建立新的個性,而不是利用她在台灣的名氣。她從零開始慢慢建立起來,如今在多個小組和平台中擁有超過213.000忠實的粉絲和追隨者。夏琳(Charlene)一直對旅行和歐洲美食感興趣,退休後的夢想是成為一名作家並住在屋頂傾斜的歐洲國家(尤其是法國或意大利)的房屋中。我們住在荷蘭一個不壞的公寓裡,屋頂平整,她非常喜歡這個溫馨的家庭。
在荷蘭,她開始寫烹飪書,在她變得更出名之後,一些出版商要求她翻譯書籍:例如尼吉拉·勞森,傑米·奧利弗和戈登·拉姆齊。即使在醫院進行重度化療時,她也一直在這樣做,甚至在她即將更正最新版本時也是如此。我們到了很多地方,都是隨機挑選的,只是四處逛逛,常常幾個小時都沒有遇到其他人或汽車。我們住在漂亮的公寓裡,大部分是在小城市和鄉村,或者在茫茫荒野中。我們看到了美麗的事物,吃了美味的食物,過著像本地人一樣的生活,輕鬆而
又沉悶。
自2017年10月以來,我和我的蝴蝶夏琳女王(Charlene)戰鬥了三年多。她獨自在醫院的無菌室里呆了6個月,我們已經隔離了一年多。起初,我們似乎可以戰勝這些可怕的癌症。這次夏琳只想要一點運氣,但無濟於事。夏琳心地善良,總是對他人意味著最好,她努力工作,堅韌而甜美,從不抱怨,對生活中的小事感到滿意。
從2020年8月開始,我們在意大利度過了最後兩個假期。錫耶納(Siena)讓她感到非常高興,“我有史以來最好的假期”。她的夢想是去第二個假期,直到下一個生日,我擔心那是非常樂觀的。夏琳對我們無法前往法國普羅旺斯的呂貝隆感到失望,因為我們最初計劃了第二個假期,2003年我們在此度過了第一次假期。不幸的是,荷蘭政府突然宣布法國的許多地區為“橙色”,我們剛預訂後就因為高電暈風險而禁止進入。西班牙也在名單上:一個我從未訪問過的國家,她想向我展示,西班牙全是橙色。
她完成了五件事,這在以前似乎幾乎是不可能的:我們2020年5月1日成立20週年,以及兩次浪漫的意大利長假。第一次去意大利的錫耶納和她最喜歡的Val d'Orcia,第二次去意大利的Lago Maggiore的斯特雷薩,那裡她的身體明顯較弱,但仍然非常欣賞令人嘆為觀止的景色和9月的夏日天氣,由於水的問題,再次搬到錫耶納(Siena),這使她感到自己在第二故鄉,感到非常高興!最近,她是荷蘭公民12年,而13年前移居荷蘭。我敢/希望認為這是因為她感到幸福,安全和得到了照顧。她的最終目標是她的生日(12月16日),很遺憾,這太樂觀了。
我們很享受,我們吃飯,我們哭了,我們笑了很多,我們彼此珍惜,我們聊了很多小時,一切都說了,不後悔。我們是一個。夏琳(Charlene)擔心我成為一個人,一個人呆著,為失去她感到難過,我為她錯過的一切感到非常抱歉,希望她能和我們在一起更長的時間。我們比以往任何時候都更加緊密。我非常愛她,她將永遠在我心中,會非常想念她!我好寂寞。
將來我會回到我們一起去過的地方。從4月底到2021年6月初,我們在意大利計劃,預訂並支付了“在電暈之后慶祝/征服癌症假期”的費用。如果Corona允許我,我現在仍然想走,但是那是對未來的“遙遠”,吸取了Charlene和我們過去的所有假期,我可能會稍作更改。我們計劃了很多事情,所以對你們所有人:Carpe Diem!不要延遲或推遲您的目標,願望或清單。我會保留她的個人資料,並嘗試不時發布一些內容,我不能總是閱讀所有評論並回复它們,但放心,我會注意到它們。對於跟隨Charlene到公寓和飯店旅行的朋友:請提及她以保持生命,以免被遺忘。
如果您決定做出回應,請做出有意義的回應。不要有空洞,空洞,無所事事或宗教用語,否則請不要回應,我倆都很好,我知道你也會想念她。
熊
It aint over till the fat lady sings, but sadly the fat lady sang too early and the fragile butterfly flew away.
When I met Charlene in 2000 online, playing bridge, she was a successful businesswoman. She ordered lots of French and Italian products online to ship to Taiwan, she tried everything, she ate anything, any part of any animal, any fruit or vegetable, food was an important part of her life. The moment I first met her in real life in 2000 to me she looked like a movie star. In 2007 this girl chose to give up her life, her best friends we consider family, her work and sold her apartment in Taipei to live with me. I told her: From now on you will be on a Holiday for the rest of your life and I kept my promise.
Charlene wanted to mean something in Holland and started to create a new personality in a blog, not using her fame from Taiwan. She slowly built it up from nothing and today has more than 213.000 loyal fans and followers in several groups and platforms. Charlene has always been interested in travel and European food and her dream after retirement was to become a writer and live in a house in a European country with a slanted roof, preferably in France or Italy. We lived in a not bad apartment in Holland with a flat roof which she loved so much, home sweet home.
In Holland she started to write cooking books, after she became more famous, she was asked by several publishers to translate books: Nigella Lawson, Jamie Oliver and Gordon Ramsay for instance. She has been doing this even when she was on heavy chemotherapy in hospital, even just before the end she was correcting the last version. We traveled to many places, randomly picked, just drove around, often not meeting any other person or car for hours. We stayed in beautiful apartments, mostly in small cities and villages or in the middle of nowhere. We saw beautiful things, ate fantastic food, lived life like a local, relaxed, but never a dull moment.
Charlene the truffle queen, my butterfly and I fought since October 2017 for more than three years. She has been in a sterile room alone in hospital for 6 months, we have been in quarantine for more than a year. At first it looked like we would conquer these horrible cancers. All Charlene wanted was a little luck this time, but to no avail. Charlene had a good heart and always meant the best for others, she worked hard, she was tough and sweet, she never complained, and she was happy with the little things in life.
From August 2020 we have been on our last two Holidays in Italy. Siena made her extremely happy, “My best Holiday ever” she said. Her dream was to go on a second Holiday and reach her next birthday, I was afraid that was quite optimistic. Charlene was disappointed we could not travel to the Luberon in the Provence in France, where we originally planned our second Holiday, where we had our first Holiday together in 2003. Unfortunately, the Dutch government suddenly declared many regions in France as “orange”, no go areas because of high Corona risks just after we booked. Spain was also on the list: A country I have never visited, and she wanted to show me, Spain was all orange.
Five things she accomplished, which earlier seemed nearly impossible: Our 20th anniversary May 1st, 2020 and two romantic long Holidays to Italy. The first to Siena, Italy and her favourite Val d’Orcia and the second to Stresa at Lago Maggiore, Italy where she was clearly weaker, but still immensely enjoyed the breathtaking views and the summery weather in September, where due to water problems we had to move, to Siena again, this made her feel at her second home, she was so happy! Recently she was a Dutch citizen for 12 years and moved to Holland 13 years ago. I dare/wish to think it was because she felt happy, safe and taken care of. Her final goal was her birthday (December 16th), unfortunately that was too optimistic.
We enjoyed, we dined, we cried, we laughed a lot, we cherished each other, we talked for many hours, everything has been said, no regrets. We were one. Charlene was worried for me to be and stay all alone and was sad for me losing her and I felt so sorry for all the things she missed out on, wished she would have stayed with us longer. We have been closer than ever before. I love her very much, she will always be in my heart, will miss her so much! I feel so lonely.
In the future I will go back to the places we have visited together. From the end of April till the beginning of June 2021 we planned, booked and paid an “after Corona, celebration / conquer cancer Holiday” in Italy. I now still want to go if Corona lets me, but that is “far” into the future, having learned from Charlene and all our past Holidays, I might change it slightly. We had planned so many things, so to all of you: Carpe Diem! Do not delay or postpone your goals, wishes or bucket list. I will keep her profile alive and try to post something now and then, I cannot always read all comments and reply to them, but rest assured, I will notice them. For the friends that follow Charlene’s travels to apartments and restaurants: Please mention her to keep her alive so that she will not be forgotten.
If you decide to respond, please respond meaningful. No hollow, empty, idle or religious phrases, else please do not respond at all, both are equally fine with me, I know you will miss her too.
Bear
you were my everything till we were nothing 在 松露玫瑰 Facebook 的最佳解答
直到胖女人唱歌為止,它一直沒有結束,但是可悲的是,胖女人唱歌得太早了,脆弱的蝴蝶飛走了。
當我2000年在網上結識Charlene並打橋牌時,她是一位成功的女商人。她在網上訂購了許多法國和意大利產品,然後運往台灣,她嘗試了一切,她吃了任何東西,任何動物,水果或蔬菜的任何部分,食物都是她一生中很重要的一部分。 2000年我第一次在現實生活中遇見她時,她看上去就像電影明星。 2007年,這個女孩選擇放棄自己的生活,放棄了我們認為是家庭的最好的朋友,失去了她的工作,並賣掉了在台北的公寓與我同住。我告訴她:從現在開始,您將在餘生中度假,我信守諾言。
夏琳(Charlene)想要在荷蘭說些什麼,並開始在博客中建立新的個性,而不是利用她在台灣的名氣。她從零開始慢慢建立起來,如今在多個小組和平台中擁有超過213.000忠實的粉絲和追隨者。夏琳(Charlene)一直對旅行和歐洲美食感興趣,退休後的夢想是成為一名作家並住在屋頂傾斜的歐洲國家(尤其是法國或意大利)的房屋中。我們住在荷蘭一個不壞的公寓裡,屋頂平整,她非常喜歡這個溫馨的家庭。
在荷蘭,她開始寫烹飪書,在她變得更出名之後,一些出版商要求她翻譯書籍:例如尼吉拉·勞森,傑米·奧利弗和戈登·拉姆齊。即使在醫院進行重度化療時,她也一直在這樣做,甚至在她即將更正最新版本時也是如此。我們到了很多地方,都是隨機挑選的,只是四處逛逛,常常幾個小時都沒有遇到其他人或汽車。我們住在漂亮的公寓裡,大部分是在小城市和鄉村,或者在茫茫荒野中。我們看到了美麗的事物,吃了美味的食物,過著像本地人一樣的生活,輕鬆而又沉悶。
自2017年10月以來,我和我的蝴蝶夏琳女王(Charlene)戰鬥了三年多。她獨自在醫院的無菌室里呆了6個月,我們已經隔離了一年多。起初,我們似乎可以戰勝這些可怕的癌症。這次夏琳只想要一點運氣,但無濟於事。夏琳心地善良,總是對他人意味著最好,她努力工作,堅韌而甜美,從不抱怨,對生活中的小事感到滿意。
從2020年8月開始,我們在意大利度過了最後兩個假期。錫耶納(Siena)讓她感到非常高興,“我有史以來最好的假期”。她的夢想是去第二個假期,直到下一個生日,我擔心那是非常樂觀的。夏琳對我們無法前往法國普羅旺斯的呂貝隆感到失望,因為我們最初計劃了第二個假期,2003年我們在此度過了第一次假期。不幸的是,荷蘭政府突然宣布法國的許多地區為“橙色”,我們剛預訂後就因為高電暈風險而禁止進入。西班牙也在名單上:一個我從未訪問過的國家,她想向我展示,西班牙全是橙色。
她完成了五件事,這在以前似乎幾乎是不可能的:我們2020年5月1日成立20週年,以及兩次浪漫的意大利長假。第一次去意大利的錫耶納和她最喜歡的Val d'Orcia,第二次去意大利的Lago Maggiore的斯特雷薩,那裡她的身體明顯較弱,但仍然非常欣賞令人嘆為觀止的景色和9月的夏日天氣,由於水的問題,再次搬到錫耶納(Siena),這使她感到自己在第二故鄉,感到非常高興!最近,她是荷蘭公民12年,而13年前移居荷蘭。我敢/希望認為這是因為她感到幸福,安全和得到了照顧。她的最終目標是她的生日(12月16日),很遺憾,這太樂觀了。
我們很享受,我們吃飯,我們哭了,我們笑了很多,我們彼此珍惜,我們聊了很多小時,一切都說了,不後悔。我們是一個。夏琳(Charlene)擔心我成為一個人,一個人呆著,為失去她感到難過,我為她錯過的一切感到非常抱歉,希望她能和我們在一起更長的時間。我們比以往任何時候都更加緊密。我非常愛她,她將永遠在我心中,會非常想念她!我好寂寞。
將來我會回到我們一起去過的地方。從4月底到2021年6月初,我們在意大利計劃,預訂並支付了“在電暈之后慶祝/征服癌症假期”的費用。如果Corona允許我,我現在仍然想走,但是那是對未來的“遙遠”,吸取了Charlene和我們過去的所有假期,我可能會稍作更改。我們計劃了很多事情,所以對你們所有人:Carpe Diem!不要延遲或推遲您的目標,願望或清單。我會保留她的個人資料,並嘗試不時發布一些內容,我不能總是閱讀所有評論並回复它們,但放心,我會注意到它們。對於跟隨Charlene到公寓和飯店旅行的朋友:請提及她以保持生命,以免被遺忘。
如果您決定做出回應,請做出有意義的回應。不要有空洞,空洞,無所事事或宗教用語,否則請不要回應,我倆都很好,我知道你也會想念她。
熊
It aint over till the fat lady sings, but sadly the fat lady sang too early and the fragile butterfly flew away.
When I met Charlene in 2000 online, playing bridge, she was a successful businesswoman. She ordered lots of French and Italian products online to ship to Taiwan, she tried everything, she ate anything, any part of any animal, any fruit or vegetable, food was an important part of her life. The moment I first met her in real life in 2000 to me she looked like a movie star. In 2007 this girl chose to give up her life, her best friends we consider family, her work and sold her apartment in Taipei to live with me. I told her: From now on you will be on a Holiday for the rest of your life and I kept my promise.
Charlene wanted to mean something in Holland and started to create a new personality in a blog, not using her fame from Taiwan. She slowly built it up from nothing and today has more than 213.000 loyal fans and followers in several groups and platforms. Charlene has always been interested in travel and European food and her dream after retirement was to become a writer and live in a house in a European country with a slanted roof, preferably in France or Italy. We lived in a not bad apartment in Holland with a flat roof which she loved so much, home sweet home.
In Holland she started to write cooking books, after she became more famous, she was asked by several publishers to translate books: Nigella Lawson, Jamie Oliver and Gordon Ramsay for instance. She has been doing this even when she was on heavy chemotherapy in hospital, even just before the end she was correcting the last version. We traveled to many places, randomly picked, just drove around, often not meeting any other person or car for hours. We stayed in beautiful apartments, mostly in small cities and villages or in the middle of nowhere. We saw beautiful things, ate fantastic food, lived life like a local, relaxed, but never a dull moment.
Charlene the truffle queen, my butterfly and I fought since October 2017 for more than three years. She has been in a sterile room alone in hospital for 6 months, we have been in quarantine for more than a year. At first it looked like we would conquer these horrible cancers. All Charlene wanted was a little luck this time, but to no avail. Charlene had a good heart and always meant the best for others, she worked hard, she was tough and sweet, she never complained, and she was happy with the little things in life.
From August 2020 we have been on our last two Holidays in Italy. Siena made her extremely happy, “My best Holiday ever” she said. Her dream was to go on a second Holiday and reach her next birthday, I was afraid that was quite optimistic. Charlene was disappointed we could not travel to the Luberon in the Provence in France, where we originally planned our second Holiday, where we had our first Holiday together in 2003. Unfortunately, the Dutch government suddenly declared many regions in France as “orange”, no go areas because of high Corona risks just after we booked. Spain was also on the list: A country I have never visited, and she wanted to show me, Spain was all orange.
Five things she accomplished, which earlier seemed nearly impossible: Our 20th anniversary May 1st, 2020 and two romantic long Holidays to Italy. The first to Siena, Italy and her favourite Val d’Orcia and the second to Stresa at Lago Maggiore, Italy where she was clearly weaker, but still immensely enjoyed the breathtaking views and the summery weather in September, where due to water problems we had to move, to Siena again, this made her feel at her second home, she was so happy! Recently she was a Dutch citizen for 12 years and moved to Holland 13 years ago. I dare/wish to think it was because she felt happy, safe and taken care of. Her final goal was her birthday (December 16th), unfortunately that was too optimistic.
We enjoyed, we dined, we cried, we laughed a lot, we cherished each other, we talked for many hours, everything has been said, no regrets. We were one. Charlene was worried for me to be and stay all alone and was sad for me losing her and I felt so sorry for all the things she missed out on, wished she would have stayed with us longer. We have been closer than ever before. I love her very much, she will always be in my heart, will miss her so much! I feel so lonely.
In the future I will go back to the places we have visited together. From the end of April till the beginning of June 2021 we planned, booked and paid an “after Corona, celebration / conquer cancer Holiday” in Italy. I now still want to go if Corona lets me, but that is “far” into the future, having learned from Charlene and all our past Holidays, I might change it slightly. We had planned so many things, so to all of you: Carpe Diem! Do not delay or postpone your goals, wishes or bucket list. I will keep her profile alive and try to post something now and then, I cannot always read all comments and reply to them, but rest assured, I will notice them. For the friends that follow Charlene’s travels to apartments and restaurants: Please mention her to keep her alive so that she will not be forgotten.
If you decide to respond, please respond meaningful. No hollow, empty, idle or religious phrases, else please do not respond at all, both are equally fine with me, I know you will miss her too.
Bear