There’s rhythm in writing! 🎶
這個禮拜Presentality的Andrew來分享英文寫作的節奏!
★★★★★★★★★★★★
我的工作需要看非常多的英文。
其中有英文母語的人寫的,也有非母語的人寫的。最近,我注意到一個兩者之間很明顯的差別。這個差別很少有人提到,因為它無關文法正確,也不是有學問的用語,或是文雅的詞彙。
是句子的長短。
Well,更正確的來說,是長句跟短句的交錯。我發現,非母語人士寫的英文句子,不但比英文母語的人寫的長,而且是大部分句子都很長。
母語的人,尤其是很會寫的人,則是會把長句跟短句混合搭配。
那又怎樣?
★★★★★★★★★★★★
你可能會說 ok,以英文為母語的人比較會用短的句子,那又怎樣?句子的長短,跟我寫作的好壞,有關嗎?
關係可大了。
就像音樂,或是影片,文字也是「內容」。只要是「內容」,就有它的節奏。你可以想像一首曲子,從頭到尾都是很長的音,而且一點變化都沒有嗎?或是一部很長的影片,從頭到尾都是很長的畫面,而且一點節奏的變化都沒有嗎?
Well actually,你應該可以想像,這些就是要幫助我們睡眠的。
如果你不想要你的讀者覺得無聊或甚至睡著,我建議適度變換你文字的節奏。
但我們先看案例。
我拿一篇台灣人寫的文,跟另一篇美國人寫的,來做比較:把每個句子都分拆成不同的段落,句子的長短就一目了然了。
★★★★★★★★★★★★
但我們先看案例。
我拿一篇台灣人寫的文,跟另一篇美國人寫的,來做比較:把每個句子都分拆成不同的段落,句子的長短就一目了然了。
📌 台灣案例:Taipei Times Opinion
1. The TAIEX last month rose above 17,000 points as rallies in steel, shipping and some non-tech stocks offset a weakness in semiconductor and electronics stocks.
2. While news about a cluster of local COVID-19 infections connected with China Airlines cargo pilots and a hotel in Taoyuan fueled selling pressure early this month and pushed the local stock market into consolidation mode, the daily market turnover in the first two trading sessions of this month hit fresh highs.
3. Moreover, Taiwan’s stock trading volume last month began to surpass that of Hong Kong for the first time in 15 years, which was beyond most market participants’ expectations.
4. Taiwan’s daily market turnover exceeding Hong Kong’s might gradually become a new normal from this year, and there are good reasons for this.
5. First, Hong Kong’s stock market has lost its appeal to foreign investors since China last year imposed national security legislation on the territory, triggering a potential flight of capital and talent.
6. Second, many wealthy Taiwanese tend to park their overseas funds in Hong Kong, China, Singapore, Switzerland and the US, but government statistics showed that more than 80 percent of funds repatriated by wealthy individuals last year were from Hong Kong, as they saw the political situation in the territory worsen after its self-governance, human rights and freedom of speech were further suppressed.
7. Third, China’s new NASDAQ-style stock board — the Shanghai Stock Exchange’s STAR board — has emerged as a fast-growing capital markets center for Chinese companies at a time when rising China-US tensions have triggered concerns about their prospects of listing in New York, posing a growing challenge to the Hong Kong stock exchange.
8. On the other hand, Taiwan’s economic fundamentals, the central bank’s adoption of extraordinary monetary easing and the government’s fiscal policies have fueled continued rallies in the nation’s stock market since last year.
9. It might be too early to tell how long the consolidation trend might last, as a resurgent COVID-19 outbreak is coloring the global economic outlook, but some insight can be drawn from the stock market:
10. Taiwan’s GDP grew a larger-than-expected 8.16 percent in the first quarter, as exports and private investment remained healthy.
都是一堆很長的句子對不對?我們來看美國人寫的句子,也是一個主流媒體的 opinion 文。
★★★★★★★★★★★★
📌 美國案例:New York Times Opinion
1. I miss torturing Liz Cheney.
2. But it must be said that the petite blonde from Wyoming suddenly seems like a Valkyrie amid halflings.
3. She is willing to sacrifice her leadership post — and risk her political career — to continue calling out Donald Trump’s Big Lie.
4. She has decided that, if the price of her job is being as unctuous to Trump as Kevin McCarthy is, it isn’t worth it, because McCarthy is totally disgracing himself.
5. It has been a dizzying fall for the scion of one of the most powerful political families in the land, a conservative chip off the old block who was once talked about as a comer, someone who could be the first woman president.
6. How naïve I was to think that Republicans would be eager to change the channel after Trump cost them the Senate and the White House and unleashed a mob on them.
7. I thought the Donald would evaporate in a poof of orange smoke, ending a supremely screwed-up period of history.
8. But the loudest mouth is not shutting up.
9. And Republicans continue to listen, clinging to the idea that the dinosaur is the future.
10. “We can’t grow without him,” Lindsey Graham said.
📌 Note: 即使是比較長的句子,這位作者也會用標點符號拆散它:She is willing to sacrifice her leadership post — and risk her political career — to continue calling out Donald Trump’s Big Lie. 這就好比用句點一樣,讓我們讀起來有點停頓休息的時間。
★★★★★★★★★★★★
📌 注意到了嗎?
台灣人寫的英文,句子都偏長,而且長度都差不多。
美國人寫的就不一樣了:一個只有五個字的句子開頭,然後一堆稍微長一點的句子,然後再來一串短句。
你可能懷疑我故意挑選很極端了例子出來,而且幹嘛專門打台灣人呢?
所以想到這裡,我從我的書架上,隨便挑了兩本跟科技有關的書出來。左邊的,是美國人,矽谷知名投資人 Peter Thiel。右邊的是德國人,但注意了,是一個英文非常好的德國人。他不但是世界經濟論壇的創辦人,研究所也是在哈佛大學唸的。
★★★★★★★★★★★★
📌 兩本書 Introduction 是怎麼寫的?
Klaus Schwab (德國):
Of the many diverse and fascinating challenges we face today, the most intense and important is how to understand and shape the new technology revolution, which entails nothing less than a transformation of humankind.
We are at the beginning of a revolution that is fundamentally changing the way we live, work, and relate to one another.
In its scale, scope and complexity, what I consider to be the fourth industrial revolution is unlike anything humankind has experienced before.
Peter Thiel (美國):
Whenever I interview someone for a job, I like to ask this question: "What important truth do very few people agree with you on?"
The question sounds easy because it's straightforward.
Actually, it's very hard to answer.
It's intellectually difficult because the knowledge that everyone is taught in school is by definition agreed upon.
See the difference?
★★★★★★★★★★★★
📌 如何變換節奏呢?
需要Andrew的完整分享請留言「There’s rhythm in writing~」。
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after that句尾 在 作者 Facebook 的最讚貼文
翻聽Bob Dylan的《Desolation Row》湧起一股莫名的觸動,感覺就像走過了一條漫長的荒涼之路。頭兩句不知怎的讓我想到最近的香港:
They’re selling postcards of the hanging
They’re painting the passports brown
他們販售吊刑的名信片
他們把護照髹成啡色
然後我便分外留神聽接下來發生甚麼事:
The beauty parlor is filled with sailors
The circus is in town
Here comes the blind commissioner
They’ve got him in a trance
One hand is tied to the tight-rope walker
The other is in his pants
And the riot squad they’re restless
They need somewhere to go
As Lady and I look out tonight
From Desolation Row
美髮店擠滿了水手
馬戲團就在城後
然後來了一個特首
他們將他發入吽竇
一隻手綁住走鋼線高手
另一隻插在褲袋裡頭
還有防暴警察全在煩躁無休
他們需要某個地方抖抖
像這位小姐和我遍夜尋求
由荒涼之路口
然後找到哪裡去?似乎是酒館。
Cinderella, she seems so easy
“It takes one to know one,” she smiles
And puts her hands in her back pockets
Bette Davis style
And in comes Romeo, he’s moaning
“You Belong to Me I Believe”
And someone says, “You’re in the wrong place my friend
You better leave”
And the only sound that’s left
After the ambulances go
Is Cinderella sweeping up
On Desolation Row
灰姑娘,她似乎幾開放
「講嗰個就係嗰個。」佢笑咗
然後將雙手插進後袋
貝蒂戴維斯的風格
然後來了個羅密歐,佢喺度呻吟
「你係屬於我㗎我相信!」
然後有人話:「你來錯地方喇朋友,
你最好離開。」
然後唯一留低的聲音
在救護車走了之後
是灰姑娘的掃地聲
在荒涼之道上
我很喜歡這一種講故事的歌,因為這才叫做「吟遊」。當現在的歌失去了這種吟遊性,就空餘下一堆感質。我們已經不再用灰姑娘來形容負責打掃地方的女人,我喜歡這樣的形容,但設定跟原著是反轉的:掃完地,一到十二點,她就準時穿回自己的玻璃鞋。
然後已經好夜好夜了:
Now the moon is almost hidden
The stars are beginning to hide
The fortune-telling lady
Has even taken all her things inside
All except for Cain and Abel
And the hunchback of Notre Dame
Everybody is making love
Or else expecting rain
And the Good Samaritan, he’s dressing
He’s getting ready for the show
He’s going to the carnival tonight
On Desolation Row
現在月亮就快都看不見
繁星也開始隱淡
占卜未來的女人
甚已將她的所有東西收起
所有除了該隱和亞伯
以及聖母院的鐘樓佗俠
人人都在做愛
或其餘的在等雨
然後有個好撒馬利亞人,他在換裝
他已經準備好出騷
今晚他將會前往嘉年華
在荒涼之道上
突然輪到《哈姆雷特》的女主角奧菲利亞登場:
Now Ophelia, she’s ’neath the window
For her I feel so afraid
On her twenty-second birthday
She already is an old maid
To her, death is quite romantic
She wears an iron vest
Her profession’s her religion
Her sin is her lifelessness
And though her eyes are fixed upon
Noah’s great rainbow
She spends her time peeking
Into Desolation Row
現在奧菲利亞,她就倚在窗旁
我真為她擔心
在她廿二歲生日時
她已經是一個老女僕
對她,死亡是幾浪漫
她穿了一件鐵的背心
信仰就是她的自白
白活就是她的罪名
雖然她已定睛望着上方
那道挪亞的偉大彩虹
但她仍是費上時間來偷望
那條荒涼之路
而你有沒有聽過愛恩斯坦拉小提琴?這一個卻不是那一個,因為他太潦倒了:
Einstein, disguised as Robin Hood
With his memories in a trunk
Passed this way an hour ago
With his friend, a jealous monk
He looked so immaculately frightful
As he bummed a cigarette
Then he went off sniffing drainpipes
And reciting the alphabet
Now you would not think to look at him
But he was famous long ago
For playing the electric violin
On Desolation Row
愛恩斯坦扮成羅賓漢
帶着他車尾廂的回憶
在一小時前才經過這裡
和他的朋友、來自善妒寺的僧侶
他看起來不染得可怕
尤其在他討煙的時候
接着他走去嗅着水喉
叨唸着字母
現在你不會想望到他
但好耐之前他都風光過
奏着電子提琴
在那荒涼之路
從荒涼到荒淫?
Dr. Filth, he keeps his world
Inside of a leather cup
But all his sexless patients
They’re trying to blow it up
Now his nurse, some local loser
She’s in charge of the cyanide hole
And she also keeps the cards that read
“Have Mercy on His Soul”
They all play on pennywhistles
You can hear them blow
If you lean your head out far enough
From Desolation Row
猥褻醫生,他將他的世界
藏在一隻皮杯裡
但他所有無性的病人
他們正嘗試吹起它
現在他的護士,某個本地的失敗者
她是山埃孔的話事人
而她亦藏了一張卡片寫着
「願主垂憐他的靈魂」
他們全都玩着尖哨
你可以聽到他們在吹
如果你把頭傾得夠遠
從荒涼之道
卡薩諾瓦是意大利聞名的詩人情聖,這一段特別令我着迷:
Across the street they’ve nailed the curtains
They’re getting ready for the feast
The Phantom of the Opera
A perfect image of a priest
They’re spoonfeeding Casanova
To get him to feel more assured
Then they’ll kill him with self-confidence
After poisoning him with words
And the Phantom’s shouting to skinny girls
“Get Outa Here If You Don’t Know
Casanova is just being punished for going
To Desolation Row”
對面街他們已釘上帷幕
他們已準備好一場盛宴
《歌聲魅影》
牧師的完美形象
他們用湯匙向卡薩諾瓦灌藥
讓他稍為有安全感
然後他們用自信來殺掉他
之前用文字毒害他
然後魅影向瘦削的女孩們喊道:
「如果你不知道就請你們離開
卡薩諾瓦已經受罪因他
前往荒涼之道。」
接下來這一段,我懷疑是在描寫納粹的集中營:
Now at midnight all the agents
And the superhuman crew
Come out and round up everyone
That knows more than they do
Then they bring them to the factory
Where the heart-attack machine
Is strapped across their shoulders
And then the kerosene
Is brought down from the castles
By insurance men who go
Check to see that nobody is escaping
To Desolation Row
現在午夜所有特工
和超人類團隊
出來圍住了所有人
因為知道了不該知道的
然後把他們帶到工廠
那裡有心臟病機器
綁在他們的肩膊上
然之後那煤油
從城堡裡帶下來
有人會以防萬一
檢查一下看看是否無人能逃
逃往荒涼之路
Bob Dylan這首歌可能戲仿了英國詩人ES艾略特的長詩《荒原》,這首詩的一大特色是沒有人能看懂一個字——每個字都懂,湊起來卻不成意思。之前跟大家介紹過的艾茲拉龐德,勉強把《荒原》翻改成可讀的版本,加了很多註腳,務求令世人讀得通它的真意。這個情節,Bob Dylan也收錄在《Desolation Row》第九節裡面:
Praise be to Nero’s Neptune
The Titanic sails at dawn
And everybody’s shouting
“Which Side Are You On?”
And Ezra Pound and T. S. Eliot
Fighting in the captain’s tower
While calypso singers laugh at them
And fishermen hold flowers
Between the windows of the sea
Where lovely mermaids flow
And nobody has to think too much
About Desolation Row
讚美歸於尼祿的海王星
鐵達尼啟程於黎明
而每個人都發出喊聲
「你到底站哪一邊?」
而艾茲拉龐和ES艾略
在船長的塔上決鬥
卡利索普歌手取笑他們
漁民手執鮮花
在大海的窗戶之間
那裡有可愛的美人魚流過
此際沒有人想太多
關於那荒涼之路
是的,Bob Dylan是在模仿ES艾略特式的混亂,而在最後一節揭曉了混亂的原因:
Yes, I received your letter yesterday
(About the time the doorknob broke)
When you asked how I was doing
Was that some kind of joke?
All these people that you mention
Yes, I know them, they’re quite lame
I had to rearrange their faces
And give them all another name
Right now I can’t read too good
Don’t send me no more letters, no
Not unless you mail them
From Desolation Row
係呀,我尋日收到你嘅信
(大概在門鎖壞了的時候)
你問我最近過成怎樣
是一個需要笑的笑話嗎?
全部這些你所提及的人
係呀,我知道佢哋,佢哋都幾無趣
我需要重新構建他們的臉容
給他們全都搞混了名字
此際我已經不太擅於閱讀
不要再寄更多的信給我了,不要
除非它們是你寄自
於荒涼之路
聽過這麼多段,就像走完了一段漫長的荒涼的路,有一種想哭的感覺。Bob Dylan的音樂經常都給予的這種荒涼感,只有經歷很多的人才會有這種感覺,寫得出這種詞,流下了這滴淚。
作者
after that句尾 在 Goodbye HK, Hello UK Facebook 的最佳貼文
Donald Trump有骨地婊揚《華盛頓郵報》知錯能改
《The Washington Post》响1月6號「獨家」報導Donald Trump响12月尾打電話比喬治亞州選擇調查官員Frances Watson,要求對方「要搵到舞弊」(“find the fraud”),搵到嘅話就會係“a national hero”。
上星期(3月11號)《華盛頓郵報》就嗰個報導出咗「更正」,原來Donald Trump係完全無咁講過(?!)。
今日Donald Trump發表聲明婊揚同感謝份報紙知錯能改,
"While I appreciate the Washington Post’s correction, which immediately makes the Georgia Witch Hunt a non-story, the original story was a Hoax, right from the very beginning."
(好感謝華盛頓郵報嘅更正,嗰個報導由一開始就係「騙局」,仲即時引發咗我扞擾喬治亞州點票嘅「獵巫」式批鬥添。)
//A strong democracy requires a fair and honest press. This latest media travesty underscores that legacy media outlets should be regarded as political entities—not journalistic enterprises.//
(一個堅實嘅民主社會係需要誠實同公平嘅新聞媒體,而近期新聞媒體嘅滑稽行為就污蔑傳媒作為獨立政治個體嘅地位,搞到變成記者霸權。)
不過佢串盡所有美國媒體之後,都保返句多謝「更正」嘅..."In any event, I thank the Washington Post for the correction."
Patreon分享:
Donald Trump讚揚《華盛頓郵報》嘅前因後果,真正問題响邊?
https://bit.ly/2OEJBEA
#背脊骨落嘅婊揚
報導:
《The Times》Donald Trump says media ‘always against me’ after Washington Post corrects misquote
https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/donald-trump-says-media-always-against-me-after-washington-post-corrects-misquote-9nbcxbkqf
Donald Trump聲明原文:
https://www.thebee.news/statement-by-donald-j-trump-45th-president-of-the-united-states-of-america/
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Donald Trump讚揚《華盛頓郵報》嘅前因後果,真正問題响邊?
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傳媒「偷睇」首相嗰本100頁英國外交軍事檢討報告
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國務卿連同國防部長"2+2"訪問日本、南韓同印度講啲乜?都係日本外務大臣大膽啲
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倫敦女示威者被補背後,超多議題炒埋一碟嘅政治風波
https://bit.ly/3tkv4wz
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after that句尾 在 A2 GMAT : pp1-118 It was only after Katharine Graham ... 的推薦與評價
(having won 句尾Ving 修飾前句動詞did it move(過去式),兩者時態相同,使用本身具完成式意義的having就會矛盾). (D) Moving into the first rank of American ... ... <看更多>