Welcome to my 2nd blog.
I guess you can say that I'm your classic Virgo - perfectionistic, idealistic, a little anal and OCD. Which to me is ironic, given my early musical alter-ego or public persona, has been mostly sunshine, beaches, ukuleles and chill acoustic music. With artistic and musical expression, sometimes you discover new facets of yourself. I love that about art and music. But as chill and as easy all of it looked, I definitely was so not chill about it behind the scenes. From how we chose to combine different instruments for each song, to keeping it fresh and creative and slightly different each time, to picking the locations, to getting the perfect takes, to video editing. I could be glued to the chair, forgetting to eat, drink or pee... all day all night until the work is done. That was my flow.
Flow is always easy, when you can catch the wave. When you feel like you know what you’re doing, when you feel like there's a clear direction. When you catch the wave, you can just ride on the momentum, and everything seems to go smoothly because you can simply function on "what feels right". But then you have those roadbumps, or even those walls. At those points, time seems to move way slower. Everyday becomes a drag, and you start to feel lost, unmotivated, and stuck. But they are necessary. They are there so you can be better. They are there to give you a better board to ride the wave on, because waves all die off eventually. And I always have to remind myself that it's called life, and it's totally normal. But before I got onto it, I had no idea what it was, or what it would look like.
I still remember when "flow" didn't exist for me. I still remember the time when I had my first ever professionally produced and published solo song, before the whole R&K phase, when I worked with the first producer I had ever worked with. I remember winning a certain competition hosted by a certain label, thinking all of it was so exciting and so cool, before the scary reality struck. And then after all the congratulations, he sat me down, and told me the harshest things, but also the most real and genuine words that I still remember today.
I remember going through hours and hours worth of meetings with him, and feeling very discouraged after all of them, thinking that I suck. But I know all he wanted was to try to fire me up. I still see it as tough love till this day, but I guess I was too soft and meek back then to take it like a pro. It definitely took me a while. I remember typing out something he said to me, as a status on my personal private facebook account, and I posted it only really to have it serve as a personal reminder. Essentially, the point was that I had to step up my game. But it wasn't just "step up your game". It was a creative metaphor. Amongst a lot of other things, he said, “Ok, so you won the competition, you’re just the fittest kid in a fat camp. Now you have to go run the olympics. It’s a different playing field completely." I remember posting something like “fit kid in a fat camp”, just because I found it very tongue-in-cheek, and was a good reminder. I was fired up, determined, inspired, motivated, I had an imaginary bandana around my forehead, and I’m like, heck yeah, let’s do this. And then… One day later, with his index finger pointed towards my direction, and with a firm, but calm kind of assertion, he said “Hey, don't quote me on facebook." Ohhhh-kay. Ooops. *Delete.* (I guess all these years later, I just quoted him again. Oops.)
But I can say that whether or not you agree with his mentoring methods, he was, kind of, my first music industry mentor. I remember a lot of the comments he had on a lot of the songs I had. I remember him finally liking ONE particular song that I had, that he ended up arranging and producing for.
I remember sitting on his producer chair, listening to the finished arrangement of my song on the large speakers he had, and being moved to tears. I remember internally freaking out about the crazy makeup on my face for the music video, but was too chicken to say a word about how much of a freak it made me feel like. I remembered from the first time I walked into the studio to record the song. I showed up with a large mug of tea and honey. He told me immediately I should not have had tea, because if it’s caffeinated my voice will drain and die sooner. Darn. Lesson learned. I then found myself in the recording room, and I was so nervous my voice was shaking. My vocal muscles did not listen to me, at all. I didn't realize a professional microphone can pick up so much of my vocal imperfections... But I stuck it out anyway; I only had one session, I had no choice. Walking out of the studio at the end of it, I really thought he was gonna be so harsh with his words. I mentally prepped for it. But he actually was nice for a change. “Hey, not bad for a first time. You should be proud of yourself.” Phew. okay.
And there it was. My first song ever published.
My stories and memories will always be something I can look back on with a smile, no matter what they are. I’m proud to look back and realize how much I’ve grown, thanks to this producer of harsh words, and many other mentors of mine, I hustled hard and was unapologetic about it when I caught my first wave, in the early stages of R&K. It maybe one of many road bumps right now, but when the 9th, 10th, 11th, 12th wave comes, I’ll have new experiences, new stories to share, and new waves to ride on yet again, musical or not, and I’ll enjoy them and cherish them with new perspectives in place. I guess my point is this - Enjoy the ride, enjoy the flow, and be chill with your road bumps or walls. Even if there are no waves to ride on at the moment - still know and have faith that new ones are coming your way. To me, “hope” and “faith” are different. Hope can sometimes produce false expectations, and leave us in despair and disappointment; but faith, on the other hand, keeps us going against all odds. Know the difference. At least, it’s what I know I can always hold on to, and it’s still keeping me going.
Till next time. Choose love, and bring light.
Love,
R
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