關於 what is my sanity level ，我們在網路上蒐集到這些相關的討論、資訊與評價

Blog 8

Well this will be hard.

I’m sorry I’m not posting as frequently, honestly the insanity of this world has just taken me by surprise every time. And it’s so easy to be misinterpreted and misunderstood during these hyper-sensitive times. I want to start off by thanking those of you who take me for who I am. I am so grateful for you guys who support me in my music, over the years.

I come from a family where some of you may know have a lot of affiliations in the political arena. One reason why I don’t like to touch on that, and I don’t do it often at all, is multi-faceted. A, it is in the past. B, it is not my calling. I know my calling is in music, and I just want it to be what it is. C, if I want to make the world a better place, there are many ways to go about it than talk about my worst subject in school ie, history. I mean, how embarrassing would it be for me to get something wrong? 😅 D, I do admit to having some level of social responsibility given the nature of the life I chose to lead, and I don’t want to use this platform to spread hate in any way shape or form. E, I promised my dad. “Stay as far away from [politics] as possible.” He is a man of few words, but they’re often words of wisdom. I love him for that.

I just want to put it out there and say thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for letting me be me. Thank you for those of you who don’t cast any judgement, it’s so hard to come by, especially for someone like me.

I would also like to give a shout out to those out there who are feeling lots of negative emotions and rage - I resonate with the pain and frustration. I really do. Here is a virtual hug. It’s okay to feel the emotions, but PLEASE, don’t act out of rage and stupidity. Don’t do something regretful, even if others do regretful things. Don’t call people out online when they are sharing about enjoying their lives, getting engaged, or getting married - people plan these things wayyy beforehand... normally, it only happens once in their lives. Let them be. Everyone needs to find their emotional balance in their own unique ways - we are all independent human beings with our own curves and edges. So whether or not you think they are living in a parallel universe, you don’t know their heart. If you did, you wouldn’t be calling them out online; you would be doing that in person. It’s okay to feel angry towards people who do wrong things. I can resonate with that. But I’m actually glad some people can still find joy in everyday life, and simple things - those are precious, and I pray that all of you can still have those moments. We all need those for our own sanity and emotional well-being. We need breathing space. We don’t want this episode to scar and haunt us forever. Don’t let it do that to your soul; it’s not worth it. Right? Trying to be a little less sad, is not a sin. Trying to seek for a little bit of happiness in our lives - is not a sin. Please don’t feel that way.

But, with all that said, I know a lot of you read what I write because you resonate with my thoughts in some way shape or form, or because you’re just trying to learn English 😅but thank you regardless. Thank you for your non-judgmental support towards me, my mind, and my music. And for that, I virtually kneel and thank you. 🙈 You are so wonderful. 🙌🏻

I have always lived my life as humbly as I could, working hard, grateful, respectful, and as polite as I can be... while being a little bit opinionated, blunt, direct, honest and hardcore with the things I care about (lol it’s the Virgo inside of me). Thank you for letting me be me.

Recently, my friend I’ve known for more than 15 years said to me, “I didn’t even know about your background until I read the news when it came out. I had NO idea! You’ve never mentioned!” Well, I thought, I had no reason to. It’s like, flaunting things is now the norm, so I am weird for choosing not to do that. Well that’s silly, right? Family will always be near and dear and close to my heart, no matter how people choose to commentate on mine. But that doesn’t matter to me, nor does it affect me anymore. I accept myself, all of me, and then I move on and focus on the future. I want to go forward, proud of who I am and where I came from and how I’ve come to be. I want to spread love and positivity no matter what, to make the world a slightly better place, in my own very insignificant little ways, however God intends for me to serve the world. So thank you all again. For letting me be me.

Choose love, bring light, clasp your hands, close your eyes, pray, release your emotions up to God. Try it, and let me know how it goes 🙂

Till next time, and stay safe, please.
You’re in my prayers.

x Robynn
#robynnblogs #thisismyhome #always
#不折不扣的我

Was going back and forth whether or not to share this and as much as I hate complaining or being negative, I think people should know these things happen. I had an important/private showcase in front of industry people the other day, I performed NEW music and danced professionally for the first time 🥰 People were surprised and commented on how feminine and “sexy” I was when I danced 😅. It felt good to finally show them another side of me and what more I can do as a performer. After more mingling and a celebratory dinner, it was about time to go home. If you know me, you know I’m a very huggy person especially when I’m in such a great mood 🤗 I’m friendly like that so I gave hugs to everybody as I was leaving. But as I was about to hug this “new friend”, he/she reaches out and gropes my boob - tmd this MF 🥺i just froze, turned around, got in my car and called my friend. Sigh... I was in shock, I felt so disgusted, I felt taken advantage of, numb and violated; just thinking about it makes me sick. I just got sexually harassed by someone I don’t even know and that person thought it was ok to do that to me and to do it as I was leaving thinking he/she could get away with it. This shit happens and it is not ok 😔 It reminds me of when some guy slapped Beyoncé on the ass during her concert or when a fan grabbed Tim McGraw’s crotch (all on YouTube). I’m no where near their level of scrutiny and desire (which makes me have so much more respect for them thinking what they have to put up with) I understand as an entertainer and someone in the public eye we are choosing to put ourselves very out there risking our own sanity... As much as these incidents make me want to sign off social media and live off an island in Italy, I can only be more aware, more vigilant, protect myself better, call them out, and let others know that sexual harassment is never ok (I’ve been told there’s an apology otw). I don’t want to change who I am out of fear of being harassed again. This should be a safe place for you AND me, I love my job and I love performing for people. Moving forward, I hope we can all have more #respect for one other ❤️

To the friends caught in the black hole of depression and anxiety, I dedicate this post to you.

Don't kill your self. Don't rob yourself of the precious life your parents bestow upon you.

No matter how excruciating it may be, the knots in your life can always be unraveled slowly, one at a time.

First written 21.07.2017

【差一點的緣份】

Honestly, I won't know.

8 months after his first message to me, he messaged me his donation receipt to Tzu Chi Foundation, seeking my service for Bazi consultation.

I asked what took him so long.

He was candid yet polite. He said he looked for me because his Brother and I were friends. He read all the reviews my clients and workshop students wrote of me and he liked that I would not hold back to tell a client if he did wrong.

(Yes, the reviews you guys wrote can really help another soul.)

The conversation tapered off, with no birth details given to me.

We didn't get to meet after all.

That was just 2 weeks ago.

Just before dinner tonight, I learnt that he was admitted to hospital for depression.

There were delusions and violent self-harm.

Could I have done more to initiate response from him, when he did not reply me?

I usually don't force things. Unless I know something's coming up.

I didn't ask for his Bazi or Chinese name, as per my usual practice. So I wouldn't have known.

There were many other messages that needed my attention and I left things as it was.

I won't know if I can made any difference, should we have met.

How powerful is my ability to bring hope to someone already in depression?

I had never measured.

Was I a shining beacon of light, for him to seek me out just 2 weeks before things worsen?

Light is in the eyes of the beholder, no?

This reminds me of the husband's Malaysian cousin, who studied and worked in Singapore on a government scholarship. Let's call him Tim.

Tim called my Husband one Tuesday night at about 830pm.

We were at the movies and only saw the missed call at about 1130pm.

Thinking it was too late, the Husband made a mental reminder to call Tim the next morning.

The next morning, we collected his dead body from the mortuary of SGH. His grieving parents, who drove all the way from KL overnight, crumbled into wails as Tim's body was wheeled out for identification.

Tim jumped down from his flat, about 2 hours after he called. Apparently, he only called my husband and none of his family.

12 years on, we still do not know what Tim wanted to tell my Husband.

Could it be:

"Sorry, Gor. I have to break my scholarship bond because I cannot take the stress. Thank you for being my guarantor all these years."

?

None of his family knew what Tim was undergoing, prior to his suicide.

He was only 25.

(If you think it's okay to hurl sarcastic words at foreigners on local scholarships, who may be living all alone in a strange land, this is food for thought for you.)

When we teach our children the alphabets and hanyu pinyin.

When we tell them to remember their thank-yous and pleases.

When we get them to hustle for their academic achievements and be a all-rounder.

Please remind our little ones that it's okay if they are not good enough.

Please also teach them a path to seek solace in the Higher Beings, no matter what religion you are. It's okay if they opt for another faith. As long as it's orthodox.

Like in judo, don't forget to teach them how to fall right and overcome that fear of falling, before learning how to kick fast and high.

If you are a Tibetan Buddhist like me, please master the skill of demarcation from your Root Guru and impart that knowledge to your loved ones. Always invoke the protection of your Vajra Protectors to guard you from negative energies and afflictions. I do that every day at least twice.

For when you get depressed for too long, your mental frequency goes down down down. When it matches the low frequency of spirits, this is where the real trouble begins.

You hear voices people can't hear, you see things that people can't see, you get "sixth sense" that doesn't make any sense.

You get sucked deeper and deeper into your make-believe world, that you lose all touch with the real world.

👋 Come back, my Friend. 👋

Don't go there. There's only cold darkness and terrifying despair.

🤝 Come back, where there's love, light and hope. 🤝

Strength is where the Sun is. All is not lost.

Don't cut yourself. Don't smash yourself.

Suicide is not liberation and will only create a level of Hell for you to commit suicide again and again, in the same manner every day at the same time. You will feel the exact fears and doom each and every time you kill yourself.

Say you kill yourself when you are 30 years old, but your destined lifespan was to end at 70 years old, that means for the next 40 years in hell, every day, you are going to kill yourself once. 40 x 365, you do the Maths.

In the netherworld, suicide ghosts are of the lowest class and are often despised by other ghosts. Your death will be worse than your living days.

If you are reincarnated as a human, your body will be incomplete, either as a handicap or born deaf, mute or blind. Or all of the above.

While we all have our own karmic debts, this too shall pass. We are all Buddhas inside and have infinite potential.

Your time is not up yet. Keep your mind open. Keep your heart going. Keep your body healthy. Don't let this monster of a darkness eat you up. I love you. Your friends and family love you. You love yourself. You are worth more than this. Hand to heart, all will be well. This too shall pass.

天無絕人之路，你千萬不要絕了自己的路。

.........

If there is any merit in writing this, I dedicate it to the people who are fighting everyday for their sanity beneath the heavy cloak of depression and anxiety.

May you emerge stronger and wiser. May the Light of Buddhas always be on you. Amitabha.

蓮花童子心咒、長咒∶
༄༅༎ཨོཾ་ཨཱ༔་ཧཱུྃ་གུ་རུ་པྷྱཿ་འ༔་ཨ༔་ཤ༔་ས༔་མ༔་ཧ༔་པདྨ་སམ་སིདྡྷི་ཧཱུྃ།།

嗡啊吽。古魯貝。阿訶薩沙媽哈。蓮生悉地吽。